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    Bitch-Back! Why Can't Lea Heart Cory?

    Cory Monteith, Lea Michele Bruce Glikas/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    You say Cory Monteith would be the last person Lea Michele would date? Depressing. Why is that so?
    —AM

    Dear Not So Gleeful:
    Being on a numero uno hit, Lea is the talk of the town right now, along with her pick of eligible dudes—so she's not so quick to settle down with the closest guy to her. Plus, Cory is way too tame for the babe. Don't you know that? I'm sure you do, deep down inside, these facts must be faced.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Sam Trammell ever been a Blind Vice? Do any of the True Blood stars have Vices? There's nothing to do in Kansas but think through these things. Lots of love to you and your furry ones.
    —Bored

    Dear Booty-Bloody Truth:
    Most
    of the True Blood vamps let their skankiness out on-camera. Maybe that's why they're so low-key in real life, and the super-prude Twilight series is filling out the Blind Vice archives with star after star. But keep in mind: There's one particular star in True who knows quite well just how to put those Twi kids to debauched shame. Any ideas who?

    Dear Ted:
    So you hate Selena Gomez because of "Niley"? That's so 2008 of you. She is better off without Nick Jonas anyway! She is way too sweet and innocent for the "bad" JoBro!
    —Carrie

    Dear Saint Selena:
    I definitely don't hate Ms. Gomez, and I've said so many times. The super cutie is becoming one of the biggest starlets at Disney—you know, aside from that seen-it-all-already teen Miley, of course. It's just that Selena is old news when it comes to Niley, no reason to hate her, though.

    Dear Ted:
    Here's a couple I never hear anyone mention: Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen. Are they B.V.s? They seem low-key and normal, but I recall you mentioning something recently about comedians being the "darkest bunch in town."
    —Leigh

    Dear Unfunny:
    Oh yeah, and how. Poor Jim Carrey can't even have a decent love life because of it! But I must tell you Sacha has become much less of a jerk (who was pretty full of himself right from when he hit it big with Borat) since hooking up with Isla, and they're totally into each other. Only question is: Will it last? Here's to hoping Fishen breaks the dark mold!

    Dear Ted:
    OK, so if I had millions like the celebrity world does, the first thing I would take care of would be me: massages, facials, body wraps, oh my, the list is endless! Tell me then, why we are forced to see celebrities such as Renée on her coffee runs with a face that is a little off, or Katie all over the world with Suri, meanwhile looking like she just got done digging a garden, and I can go on and on and on...Why do they not want to look their best? Or, at the very least, normal?
    —Amy

    Dear On the Surface:
    How strange of you to chose those two babes to name-drop, of all the H'wood leading ladies—maybe their personal lives have too much drama to cover it up with a bit of pampering? The point is, even with all that money can buy (and which you so heartily dream of), you're still stuck with life, i.e., all the tensions and hairy situations body massages and bikini waxes can never remove. Look deeper than your epidermis to get happy, Amy, and you just might find you're richer than you think.

    Dear Ted:
    I read your posts daily, and I just had to share my upset at this court decision and the (shudder) associated fetish that makes me tear up even thinking about it. As a lifelong rescue pet owner (and donator to the Animal Legal Defense Fund), I just wanted to share my sadness and disgust that there is not more protection in our legal system for these innocent creatures. Thanks for listening!
    —Floss

    Dear Ditto:
    Absolutely sick. Guess our justice system really is screwed up, but it's even more screwed up when it's happening to innocent animals that cannot defend themselves.

    Dear Ted:
    OK, this isn't a question but it is some gossip. My friend was at a Taylor Swift concert, and she waited way after the show was done to see her leave the venue. Apparently, she saw Taylor leave with Cory Monteith. She said they got in his car and left together. Just an FYI. I personally think she should get with John Mayer. It would make her so much less vanilla, don't you think? Love the column! Just adopted a pit-mix and she is amazing!
    —Emma

    Dear No Way, José:
    Dating J.Mayer may make her less "vanilla," but who the hell knows what else it could do to the über-talented teen—nothing good, I say. Tho poor Cory, always a friend and never a BF, huh? Why the hell's that?

    Dear Ted:
    Everyone, well, almost everyone, who follows you and gossip knows there's trouble in the Brangelina relationship, but you said in a previous Bitch-Back not to count Brad and Angelina out because they'll be fighting this one tooth and nail for a while. I don't get it. Their brand as a couple has lost its luster and credibility. They have six children, but if the parents are fighting and unhappy most of the time, how does that not spill over into the children's lives? So, really, what is the real reason they continue the sham of a relationship?
    —Just Wondering

    Dear Pride:
    Angelina isn't going to let media pressure boss her around—or to decide when to finally ditch Brad, which she will do. The babe's way too stubborn. Look how long it took for her to speak to her own father!

    Dear Ted:
    I have followed you since November 2008. I started because I am a cougar in love with R.Pattz. I may be 38, but he is hot, and not just physically—my attraction goes beyond physical to his well-spoken mind. I take great comfort in the fact that he and Kristen hooked up. I hope the best for him and Kristen in life. One question: Do you think Rob and Kris will be happy and successful in their careers and life? I hope so. They all deserve it, as do you. Thanks and take care.
    —Ann

    Dear Cat's Out of the Bag:
    Of course I think so—they're already proving they're not just a flash in the Twilight pan and definitely have acting chops that will cut it far beyond teen fanfare. I just predict Kristen's going to have an easier time of making it out of the Twi-mold. And as for their personal lives, Robsten knows how to play the H'wood game. Definite success stories waiting to happen.

    Dear Ted:
    So tell me about Seymour Plow-Me-More's relationship with his wife. I picture it as a kind of Will & Grace closeness. Would you agree? Love ya! P.S.: I am the proud owner of a rescue kitty!
    —F

    Dear Palling Around:
    There's got to be a degree of friendship to get through the public sham, right? Otherwise no one would believe it—you know, how very obvious some showmances can be.

    Dear Ted:
    Would someone please explain to me how every move Miley Cyrus makes is documented by the paparazzi? I would love to go one day without seeing a picture of her getting juice or sushi or riding a bike. Seriously. Is she just calling all the paparazzi and telling them where she is? Because I can't imagine those pictures are all that hot a commodity.
    —Mary

    Dear Angie Jr.:
    You
    may want to go a day without thinking about Miles, but her people sure don't want you to. And I don't really want to either—love the babe! She's totally more fun to get cranky about than Ms. Jolie, don't you think?

    ________

    For more scoop, head to our Bitch-Back section!

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