Jersey Housewives Cooking (and Pimping) Books

New season means new ventures for the dubious divas

With The Real Housewives of New Jersey returning May 3, it's bound to be a summer full of catfights and Dolce & Gabbana—two things we just cannot live without.

Add in the promise of more table flipping and mysterious armed-robbery charges, you know we'll be tuning into the juiciest of the Housewives franchises.

We gabbed with two of the Sopranos wannabes, Dina Manzo and Teresa Giudice, about the upcoming season and all the so-Italian drama that will be unfolding, but we couldn't help notice these new chicks have been taking a page from the New York gals.

So what is it—a healthy dose of Big Apple-style pizza? Trips on the subway trains?

Ha!

Please, you wouldn't catch either of these babes underground if you paid 'em. Although, the pizza-pie business may not be too far from the truth.

Just like the N.Y. Housewives, Dina and Teresa are banking on their franchise to help them out with a little self-promotion. Shocker. But what is actually surprising is what these two are pumping out: books.

We can hardly understand these broads speak with their thick Jersey accents—hopefully we can figure out what the hell they're writing about.

First, there's Teresa's book, Skinny Italian, which is being released the day after this season premiere of the show (not shameless at all) and is a cookbook chock-full of pastas, risottos and the like.

"I'm a first-generation Italian, and I want to keep the recipes in the family," Teresa gushed. And by family, we assume she means anyone willing to cough up cash.

At least her fam's meals will stay Italian 'cause nothing else seems to be—the mama confessed that her daughters don't speak Italian because she only uses it outside the home (most likely to bitch out her hubby or a rival Housewife).

Then there's Dina, who's got two books in the works: a lifestyle job and a children's selection about her philanthropy, Project Ladybug. Hey, at least one of her books is for a good cause. Not sure if the Countess can say the same.

Snoozefest.

Call us when one of them writes a children's book adaptation of that table-flipping incident. Or a cookbook on how to poison a fellow Housewife and dump her body in the river.

We'd read that.