Quite the tempestuous week in H'wood.
From a pretty shocking breakup to a sick sex-tape rumor, from a certain celeb's inexplicable progress on Dancing With the Stars to the return of a tarnished golden boy, you can't say the past seven days have been without controversy.
Read on to find out what the heck we're talking about...
DANCE DANCE DEVOLUTION: Things are going along on Dancing With the Stars: Nicole Scherzinger and Evan Lysacek are kicking butt, Maksim Chmerkovskiy may or may not be romancing Erin Andrews (who's receiving death threats, yikes!), Buzz Aldrin had a few charming weeks before being sent on his American-hero way…and then there's Kate Gosselin. The mother of eight hasn't even been in the bottom two, and she's terrible. Set aside the personal drama, her relentless self-absorption and all the haters—Kate's not fun to watch. Neither was Aldrin, of course, but he was charming. But since she's not going to quit and the record number of fans and/or schadenfreudists are obviously getting personal with their votes, we'll see what happens in a few days, now that Jon Gosselin has filed (shoddily) for primary custody of the kids, Hugh Hefner has shunned her and TLC is preparing a slate of new Katecentric programming starting this summer. Which, argh, still gives her time to win the disco ball.
TANGLED UP IN EW: Just when the scandalous sex reports seemed to pertain entirely to Jesse James, Sandra Bullock got sucked into the Nazi-paraphernalia picture, with both of them having to make contact with the outside world long enough to deny making a raunchy sex tape together. It could be the last thing the odd couple ever team up on. James also popped out of rehab for a brief while, only to return a short time later. Meanwhile, a moving van was spotted outside their place in Seal Beach, Calif., where Bullock hasn't been in weeks.
AIN'T NO ETERNAL SUNSHINE: Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy called it quits after five years together, putting an end to one of the lengthier-by-Hollywood-standards relationships out there. Both are staying incredibly mum on the details, choosing to tweet about how wonderful the other is rather than point fingers. Pretty mature for the respective stars of Dumb and Dumber and Witless Protection.
JUST IN TIME, BRUTHA: Oh, Desmond and Penny. Do you know of a more darling couple on TV right now? Lost finally devoted an entire episode to the star-crossed couple, and we enjoyed every second of it. And it's so great to confirm that Des is the glue that's holding this whole enterprise (or world as we know it) together.
TEE TIME: Tiger Woods made his return to the professional links, teeing off Thursday at the illustrious Masters Tournament. The chairman of Augusta National Golf Club made sure to let the humbled (or so he seems) all-star know that he let everyone in the universe down—and so he better not mess up their historic green-jacket-awarding event with any personal sideshows (or a lousy opening round). Minus the Blue Baron up in the sky, there was no need to worry: Not only did Tiger shoot a very Tigerish 4-under 68 to end day one two strokes off the lead, but he also had his best first round at the Masters ever, and nearly 5 million people watched. See how good it feels to tell the truth? The only question remains whether he'll wear his usual red shirt on championship Sunday or a black shirt with a red letter A.
SAVIOR FARE: You voted and now either Chuck, Better Off Ted, One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected, Heroes or Parenthood is going to get the full backing of E! Online's annual Save One Show campaign. We're talking massive amounts of persuasion, so get on in there and vote for the show you don't want to live without next season!
CHERRY BOMB: Nicollette Sheridan sued Desperate Housewives creator and executive producer Marc Cherry for battery and wrongful termination, claiming Cherry put the hit in hit ABC series. She claims that when she complained, Cherry and ABC got rid of her. The network says Sheridan has made bogus claims like this before, but she sure has gotten people talking about Cherry's behind-the-scenes attitude and whether other Housewives have had similar problems with his so-called temper.
TV LAND: American Idol judges pull Michael Lynche back from the brink...The Bachelor and Bachelorette mate, spawn spinoff...Gossip Girl predix...Get the skinny on Bones...Patrick Dempsey dissects Grey's Anatomy...Charlie Sheen tapes season finale of Two and a Half Men, says he's cool with staying or going...Jersey Shore's stint in my Miami will be temporary...Check out an exclusive interview with Survivor's Coach...Oprah lays out her OWN slate.
SAD NEWS: Bruce Beresford-Redman, cocreator of Pimp My Ride and a former producer on Survivor, is a suspect in his wife's death. Monica Beresford-Redman's body was found outside the Cancun hotel where they were vacationing with their two children, who are now in the custody of Bruce's parents while authorities continue their investigation.
REAL COUPLES: George Clooney compliments a breakup rumor...Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera split up...Carrie Underwood's planning on tying the knot in Nashville...Michael Lohan's engagement to Jon Gosselin ex Kate Major has Lindsay Lohan seeing toilet bowls...Hugh Hefner, 84, considers marriage to girlfriend Crystal Harris, 23, possible, at least. Good for him!
BABY TALK: James Van Der Beek and girlfriend Kimberly Brook are expecting their first child...Paula Patton and Robin Thicke welcome a son...Diablo Cody and hubby Dan Maurio made a fetus together...The 19th Duggar, born 17 weeks early, finally left the hospital.
WOMEN SCORNED: "Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Mike Nilon, what do they have in common," began a missive reportedly penned by Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon to her agent hubby's coworkers at CAA, supposedly in retaliation for his rampant infidelity...Olivia Newton-John's presumed-dead beau Patrick McDermott was found alive and well.
SAYING GOODBYE: Corey Haim's mom and his celebrity pals, including Corey Feldman, Nicole Eggert, Kristy Swanson and Robin Lively attended a private memorial dinner in Marina Del Ray for the late actor after Feldman announced that Judy Haim was still too traumatized to hold a public memorial for her son.
FAREWELL: RIP, Dynasty star Christopher Cazenove, who played Blake Carrington's brother Ben.
LEGAL WRANGLING: Hello! apologized to Jude Law in the form of a check...Stacey Dash took out a restraining order against her allegedly abusive husband...Nancy Kerrigan's brother pleaded not guilty to manslaughter in the death of their father...Nicholas Brendon charged with beating up on a cop...Screech facing foreclosure?...Gary Dourdan's girlfriend's domestic-violence arrest attributed to loud sexcapades...Kirk Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones asked for leniency for grandson/stepson Cameron Douglas...California attorney general says Corey Haim did a lot of doctor shopping...Sean Penn was sued by a paparazzo.
SEEN: Jessica Simpson au naturel on the cover of Marie Claire...Lindsay Lohan (wait for it) partying...New Sex & the City 2 trailer, with Aiden!...Kardashian family photos...Gwyneth Paltrow on the cover of Harper's Bazaar...The next Susan Boyle...Lea Michele saying no to fur...Catsuits galore...Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett on the Tonight Show...The Dinner for Schmucks trailer...Justin Bieber on the cover of People...Megan Fox protesting California budget cuts with humor...Bristol Palin warning against teen pregnancy...Avril Lavigne hugging Brody Jenner's mom...Ryan Seacrest on Ellen...Brad and Angie visiting Bosnian refugees.
How nice of Hugh Jackman to dress up for his appearance in our Big Picture gallery!