It's darkest just before the dawn...or something like that.
If that's the case, maybe dawn's coming soon for Jesse James, whose reputation only took more slams this week as not one, not two, but three more women decided it was the right thing to do to claim past affairs with James rather than remain private figures.
Meanwhile, Sandra Bullock has largely remained off the grid, though she's been spotted more times than Carmen Sandiego. We'd like to think she was somewhere comfortable, surrounded by friends, cradling her prenup and maybe watching that revelatory episode of Lost or voting for Pamela Anderson on Dancing With the Stars...
MONSTER BARRAGE: With Sandy out of the picture, paparazzi and their zoom lenses descended upon James' Long Beach bike shop, West Coast Choppers, and the house he used to share with his wife, necessitating a handful of calls to the cops to keep the horde under control. It didn't save James from avoiding an uneventful citizen's arrest, but no custom motorcycles were hurt in the making of this media frenzy. Which now includes reports of three women besides Michelle "Bombshell" McGee who are saying they slept with Bullock's husband. One of them has remained nameless so far, letting legal eagle Gloria Allred do the initial intros.
BALLS OF FÜHRERY: McGee has maintained that all those Nazi-themed photos were a stupid idea perpetrated by some "douche bag" photographer and not representative of her own viewpoint at all. And she's pretty pissed at having been dropped as the spokesmodel for Angry White Girl fashions due to all the controversy. Her ex, who wants custody of their 5-year-old, claims she's got a swastika tattooed on her tummy, which admittedly would limit her bikini-modeling options. (Another douchebag photo idea? Inviting James to pose for a Coney Island freak show-themed Playgirl spread.)
LYING LOW: Having already skipped The Blind Side's Berlin premiere, Bullock's also gonna pass on the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards, where she's nominated for Favorite Movie Actress. She hasn't stopped by her friendly neighborhood divorce attorney's office, either.
TIMEOUT: Kim Kardashian has broken up with Reggie Bush again, once again determining that she doesn't want to slow her career down to accommodate the NFL star's off-season. It's only been a few days and talk of reconciliation is never off the table, but Kim's busy making the scene in Miami and already being paired with British soccer stars she's never heard of.
BALLROOM BLITZ: Could the judges (and the smattering of booers in the audience) have had any less love for Kate Gosselin as she made her Dancing With the Stars debut? She actually wasn't too horrible, although whoever dressed the attractive mother of eight apparently had a major vendetta against her. And her castmates really seem to like her. Not that it matters—this season is a hurtin' Nicole Scherzinger's to lose and Pam Anderson's to sexify.
FALLEN IDOL: Paige Miles is feeling especially slighted after being unceremoniously—unless you count Simon Cowell's brusque shrug as ceremony—booted from American Idol. She definitely deserved to go home, not being able to hit a right note to save her life the night before, but she leaves 10 only sporadically talented finalists in her wake. No wonder elimination night was all about analyzing the chemistry between duet performers (and more) Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato.
CROSSROADS: Did mentoring American Idol's worst batch to date make Miley Cyrus want to head for the hills as far as music is concerned? She tells E!'s own Marc Malkin that the album she's got coming out in June will be her last. "I just want to work in movies," she said. (OMG, it really is her Last Song!) And why wouldn't she? She already has a very red carpet-worthy date.
MY IMMORTAL: Good lord, Lost. Heavy stuff from scoop-spilling Nestor Carbonell as the untouched-by-time Richard Alpert. What's more, the island is the cork in the wine bottle! Tuesdays can't come around fast enough!
NOT LOST YET: E! Online's annual Save One Show competition doesn't officially start until Monday, but apparently you already have a few ideas...Are you the same ones who chose these two as your Top TV Couple?
ZERO HOUR: 24 will pack it in after the current season. Did they finally realize that CTU is the least secure national security agency ever?...In TV news that's not at all as important, The Hills peeps has also decided season six, premiering April 27, will be its last.
BECK 'ATCHA: Glenn Beck didn't think calling James Cameron the "Antichrist" merited the filmmaker calling him "an asshole." Indeed not, Cameron really held back on that one.
YOU BASTARDS! South Park killed the Kardashians Wednesday, but at least their demise was properly mourned, unlike poor Sarah Jessica Parker's.
FOREPLAY: Tiger Woods gave interviews to ESPN and the Golf Channel over the weekend, and plans to have his first Q&A session (emphasis on the Q) with the press when the Masters tees off next month. He should really just be happy that wife Elin never took Sandra Bullock's advice.
BAD INFLUENCE: Donny Osmond thinks Lady Gaga and not-pregnant Beyoncé's murder-is-sexy "Telephone" video is bad for kids and the music industry should think twice about the sort of content they market so virally. So... It wasn't wrong of them to make it, it was just wrong of them to tell people they made it?
NICE! Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher made it official, tying the knot in Paris.
LAST HURRAH? A frail Dennis Hopper received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, surrounded by pals such as Jack Nicholson, Viggo Mortensen and David Lynch. The 72-year-old actor is battling prostate cancer and is said to be too ill to undergo more chemotherapy.
FAREWELL: Robert Culp, who played Bill Cosby's tennis-playing partner in I Spy died at 79 after falling down outside his Hollywood home.
LEGALESE: David "Puck" Rainey of The Real World: San Francisco busted for DUI after seriously injuring himself in a single-car crash. He's still hospitalized, but at least his 8-year-old son, who was in the car with him, is already back home...T.I. completed the locked-up portion of his sentence on a weapons charge...Oprah Winfrey settled...Prince ordered to pay $3 million to a concert promoter after bailing on a huge show in Ireland...Sanjaya sings badly and drives quickly...Former member of K.C. and the Sunshine Band busted on suspicion of sexual conduct with a teenage boy...Whitney Port sued by a designer who claims The City star's new line is based on her creations...Justin Bieber's manager pleaded not guilty to contributing to a stampede at a Long Island mall...No trial just yet for Audrina Patridge's alleged stalker...Pete Doherty arrested for possibly supplying drugs to a woman who later died of an overdose. Sigh.
SPOTTED: Gerard Butler flirting at Nobu...Bearded Conan O'Brien pumping gas...Shia LaBeouf and others finishing the L.A. Marathon...Carrie Underwood dedicating a concert performance to a Kansas man who died in a truck crash while delivering equipment for Underwood's show...Taylor Swift and Cory Monteith bowling...Reese Witherspoon and her new man friend...Paris Hilton chatting with Nicole Richie and ex Benji Madden...at Trousdale...Bar Refaeli in her undies...Christina Aguilera catching a performance of Puppetry of the Penis in West Hollywood...Lindsay Lohan hitting the agave...Jennifer Love Hewitt with a new 'do...This sign on Octomom's lawn...The Twilight Saga: Eclipse poster.
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Don't worry, the next time Sandra Bullock is anywhere, we'll let you know. Until then, check out the celebrities going public in our Big Picture gallery.