Bitch-Back! Renée and Bradley Still Going Strong?

Readers curious about which relationships in Hollywood are for show

Dear Ted:
I had a very random—but welcome—dream last night that Bradley Cooper and I were involved in a steamy affair. He seems to stay under the radar. Has he ever been the subject of a Blind Vice? And what's the deal with him and Renée Zellweger? I'm surprised they've lasted so long. Fingers crossed for a Round 2 in my dreams tonight!
—Lynn

Dear Dream On:
Let's just say you're in La-La Land if you think Bradley and Renée are Hollywood's dream couple—or anything close to it. We'll take Brangelina as a celeb power couple over Coopweger (yuck!) anytime. And that's a big ole yes concerning your first question.

Dear Ted:
Supposedly Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal really hit it off at the Oscars. Now there seems to be relationship rumors, of course. Do you think they will get into a relationship?
—Melia

Dear Awards:
Doubt that these two will make it past this weekend. Unless, of course, one of them has a movie coming out. Oh wait...

Dear Ted:
I'll tell you what my problem with Taylor Lautner is. He's supposed to be playing an extremely tall Native American guy in Twilight, and the kid is, what, 5 percent Native American, and pretty much looks like a olive-skinned white dude in a bad wig! I don't understand why the producers got Native American actors to play his cronies, and then hired someone who totally doesn't fit in, and who didn't discover he had that minuscule Native heritage until he was in the midst of preparing for this role. It's like Natalie Wood in West Side Story all over again.
—Ebby

Dear Culture Cop:
Doesn't count they tried to make up for it in the wolf pack, eh? Maybe we're all being too hard on Tay-hon, at this point—he was pushed into an impossibly cruel spotlight. But he sure doesn't seem to be doing anything to win us skeptics over, just the opposite.

Dear Ted:
I love your Blind Vices! A question from one of your Southern belle fans...has a country singer ever been the subject of one of your BVs?
—Kelly

Dear Belle:
Sweetums, the seemingly innocent babes are always the worst! That's a big fat yes.

Dear Ted:
If Johnny Depp smells so bad, why have the people who have worked with him never complained? Who smells worse, Johnny or Robert Pattinson? Who else needs hygiene tips? Thanks.
—Roy

Dear Dirty:
Johnny Depp can smell as horrific as he wants, and I still wouldn't kick him out of bed. It's the rebel appeal. It looks like Ke$ha and Lohan could both use a long bath.

Dear Ted:
I'm so saddened with the news about Corey Haim. Looking back on some of the movies he has done, I realize he had a lot of potential at one time. I really hope this is a wake-up call to young people that drugs never fix your problems. You either have to quit them or they quit you!
—Bubbley

Dear RIP:
Totally agree, rest in peace Corey Haim.

Dear Ted:
Has Mark Ruffalo ever been a Blind Vice? And though I guessed last week on Henrietta Hard-Ball, it is not Nancy Pelosi, correct? Gretchen Carlson? Thanks for your column!
—Capgo

Dear Guesser:
Correct. Henrietta's not that slick. Far from it.

Dear Ted:
I don't know if you've ever addressed this topic, I am fairly new...but what the hell is your take on Lady Gaga? I of course, think she's talented and the next big thing...but I honestly think she is not a lady...hmmm...mwah!
—Jenn

Dear Gaga for Gaga:
Lady G is a total badass—love her songs, her style and what she stands for. But am worried girlfriend is looking like skin and bones lately.

Dear Ted:
I'd appreciate it if you can tell us Bones fans about the relationship between Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz. I have seen/read that they don't get along but I also have seen/read that they get along great. Which is true? Also, does Boreanaz have more than one BV? You said last year that it was temper related and now you're saying its yucky. Does the yucky refer to his foot fetish?
—Janet

Dear Boney:
David's B.V. doesn't involve his costar. Or that supposed foot fetish. Any other guesses? And he's only starred in one, by the by.

Dear Ted:
Two questions for you: (1) Will you actually "out" one of your celebrity B.V.s if someone actually guessed correctly? I know you mentioned avoiding lawsuits, so I was curious if it is really possible for you to confirm someone's sexuality if they haven't come out publicly. (2) What's Matt Damon like? Are he and Ben Affleck still BFFs?
—Leigh

Dear Newbie:
No, I won't do the dirty job and out all of Hollywood for 'em. And yes, Matt and Ben are total BFFs still as they were chummy and groping each other in a bro-like way at an Oscar party last weekend. Wives in tow, mind you.

Dear Ted:
Do you think that overseas stars who settle in Hollywood are as "vicey" as their counterparts? Specifically with reference to the substance abuse which has been implicated in the recent deaths of Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy and now Corey Haim. Also, a slightly less serious question are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off possibly Natalie Maines and Adrian Pasdar?
—Fan in the U.K.

Dear Across the Pond:
The celebs who are overseas love their privacy, but that doesn't mean they aren't acting out. Because the London scene is a bit more low-key, the stars are free to get away with more than they could here...as for your B.V. guess, sorry, hon-pie, not even close. Bigger leagues, by far.