Stupid Cupid and Awkward Taylors

Lots to say about the star studded rom-com Valentine's Day

Whew! How fab that we don't have to discuss the Oscar merits of Valentine's Day—at least that's one nice thing to say about the supersuccessful, schmaltzy flick, right?

And, Awful Truth confession, here: We totally hearted the stupid thing. Corny movies are our guilty pleasure here (Twilight, anyone?). Sue us.

Spoiler Alert: If you plan to see V-Day eventually, don't read on. There are too many things we must comment on with this very unimportant piece of saccharine cinema: like how the R.Pattz-Taylor Lautner battle is nonexistent now, why we're sweet on Jennifer Garner and which onscreen couples totally disappoint...

Cheesy moments aside, the most unwatchable part of the film was with our beloved Taylors (Lautner and Swift). Watching them make out was like viewing New Moon for the 265th time. Painful and forced and awkward!

Yes, we know Tay-Squared had only met for the first time while having to suck face but, deal, that's how most of Hollywood is introduced. The chemistry here was zero. 'Nuff said.

Nice flip side, though: It's clearer than ever Rob's got a much more promising career, post Twilight. We've only seen the Remember Me trailer and (considering that's the equivalent of Lautner's onscreen time) R.Pattz wins hands down. Tay-Tay is doomed to the cute and innocent roles for at least a few more years.

As for the biggest shocker of the two-and-a-half-hour film? No, it wasn't Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane's relationship (we'll get to that later). It was how much we enjoyed watching Jennifer Garner.

We even found ourselves doing a little Jersey Shore fist pump of approval when she told off Patrick Dempsey. This be-yotch does sweet and likable so well onscreen we almost forget how evil she is in person!

Even during her promotional interviews Garner is so damn precious. (Still, she's no Reese Witherspoon.)

Now, for the Bradley and Eric gayship.

We get that was the movie's big twist, but come on, the man-on-man thing wasn't marketed at all during V-Day promos. No need to give it all away or anything, but couldn't people have teased a little more that there's a shocker of a gaymance in the flick? But no. Nada. Totally homophobic.

But other than that anti-gay bitching and the unfortunate Tay-Tay gross-out, loved it! Share your thoughts below if you agree, which, of course, you don't, but whatever...