It was a rough week in the mortality department, as we said premature good-byes to two polar opposites of the celebrity world, whose only common trait was that they will both be deeply missed.
Still in the bloom of health, unfortunately, are the Michael Jackson case, Charlie Sheen's legal troubles, Alec Baldwin's issues and Kate Gosselin's desire to tell her story. (We're happy to see Angie and Brad's relationship in the pink, though.)
And it was only a matter of time before John Mayer's mouth outgrew his already pretty sizable noggin...
1. Though he was already known for being pretty loose-lipped, it took John Mayer quite a while to join the ignominious ranks of celebs who say the wrong thing at...well, something so wrong there is never, ever a right time to say it. In fact, Johnny boy managed to say the only thing that could possibly overshadow the whole Jessica Simpson-sexual napalm thing in Playboy. Yup, the N-word. Figuring his three million-plus Twitter followers can't be wrong, Mayer took to his online home to take himself to task. Mission accomplished, although it's not like were going to start thinking Mayer was a racist. Just a cocky son-of-a-bitch sort, and we thought that anyway. But if, based on this incident, he has indeed ceased thinking that he's so much damn smarter than everyone else, then this whole thing happened for a reason. (Don't cry, John, don't cry.)
2. With all that utter hilarity, we almost forgot that Dr. Conrad Murray has finally (we mean, it's been in the works for so long) been charged for his alleged role in Michael Jackson's death from an overdose of the anesthetic propofol, combined with various strong prescription meds. The Vegas cardiologist has pleaded not guilty to involuntary manslaughter and is currently free on $75,000 bail, a turn of events that pleases no one in the Jackson family. And with this next leg of the proceedings came the true end of the investigation, meaning we got our hands on the complete autopsy report.
3. We were sorry to see deep-sea skipper Phil Harris' run on earth come to an end when he died Tuesday, more than a week after suffering a stroke while unloading his vessel, Cornelia Marie. At least his final act was fitting enough, but Deadliest Catch will never be the same.
4. Also irreversibly changed for the foreseeable future will be Fashion Weeks around the globe, starting in New York, where there will be no Alexander Mcqueen show for the first time in years. McQueen will surely be at every other show in spirit, however. The 40-year-old designer, who dressed everyone from royalty to Madonna, and who was responsble for anything you have in your closet with skulls on it, was found dead Thursday morning in his London home, an apparent suicide. As is the case with biannual mega-events, however, the collective show is indeed going on, and E! Online will somehow be everywhere at once, so be sure to keep checking back for all the latest trends, party info and celeb sightings from Bryant Park.
5. Just when The Bachelor seemed like an afterthought, Jason Mesnick and his indecisiveneses came along and now, the Survivor equivalent of all the looking-for-love shows on the air is having a renaissance in its 14th season! (And Survivor isn't doing too badly, either.) Jake Pavelka and his stable of beauties have proved quite compelling for Bachelor fans, from the first stories about a behind-the-scenes affair to the latest drama, which has viewers wondering why the heck Ali really left and whether she'll be back before Jake actually proposes to Vienna, Tenley or Gia. And oh how Watch With Kristin loves talking to Chris Harrison about such things...
6. Speaking of TV, that was a great Super Bowl, wasn't it? Not only was it a major coup for the still-rebuilding city of New Orleans, but it brought Jay and Dave (and Oprah!) together! Looking far more comfortable watching the game, however, were Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who were in some luxury box seats with son Maddox. We bet the lawsuit that they filed against a British tabloid for triggering all those breakup stories was something nice to bond over, too. They may not be planning to adopt a Haitian orphan, but Brangelina are once again operating in tandem, and we like it.
7. Our girl Kendra Wilkinson had kind of a tough time of it at Super Bowl XLIV, though, and not just because her hubby's Colts lost out to Reggie Bush's Saints, giving our other girl, Kim Kardashian, a surreal movie moment. See, the paparazzi just wouldn't leave her and Hank Baskett IV alone, and one can understand why that would be upsetting. Here's hoping her impressive OK! cover, featuring an authorized picture of baby Hank, lifted her spirits later this week.
8. Charlie Sheen has been charged with felony menacing, as well as assualt and criminal mischief, for his alleged Christmas Day attack on wife Brooke Mueller. The actor has not entered a plea yet, perhaps waiting to see how reconciliation-time with Brooke goes. Her lawyer told us from Aspen that the two were headed back to L.A. together. We haven't decided yet whether it's nice to see them operating in tandem, too. (And speaking of '90s bad boys behaving badly, Alec Baldwin had another confrontation with a paparazzo, this one coming after he was hospitalized for...a "misunderstanding"?)
9. Legalese: Some Malawians are unhappy with Madonna again...Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels was targeted twice by unsatisfied customers who claim her weight-loss supplements don't work...Courtney Love must continue to stay away from her daughter...Dennis Hopper's wife can't go near him, either...Levi Johnston says he's too broke to pay more child support, to which Bristol Palin replies, "Pfft"...Beyoncé's father agrees to a DNA test if asked as part of an ongoing paternity suit...The White Stripes believe they were ripped off by the Air Force Reserve (or whoever does their marketing)...Nancy Kerrigan's father's death was ruled a homicide, but the family thinks her brother Mark is getting a raw deal...Lil Wayne missed out on jail this week.
10. Screenings: Ellen DeGeneres made a seamless American Idol debut...But would Howard Stern?...Friday Night Lights will end after five seasons...Controversial beauty queen Carrie Prejean is engaged...Jamie Lynn Spears dropped her baby daddy...Taylor Squared's first kiss (on camera)...So, who wants to know more about the next next Twilight movie(s)?...Happy 18th, Taylor Lautner!...Another Mission for Tom Cruise...Brittany Murphy's final film gets a release date...The hunt for Samantha Harris' replacement is heating up...Octomom's talking about a what?!...Evangeline Lilly's Lost insight...WWK's Lost insight...Ugly Betty bride scoop...Is Jon Gosselin hoping craving a little TLC?...Kate Gosselin wrote a book and ditched some of that hair...American Chopper ends suddenly...Brooklyn Decker's Sports Illustrated cover debuts on Letterman...Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon talks Playboy nudity...Carrie Underwood does Sesame Street...The Jay Leno Show goes quietly...Jennifer Aniston va-cayed with Courteney Cox, David Arquette and Gerard Butler...Would you care to see these celebrities couple up?
Don't worry, we won't be insulted if you just want to casually look through our Big Picture gallery. No commitment required.