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    The Bachelor Can't Be Real!

    The Bachelor, Jake Pavelka ABC/CRAIG SJODIN
    Conspiracy Corner, Comic Con 2009 Brick

    Oh, come on.

    Ali quitting to sell ads—ads?! Rozlyn hooking up, or so we were told, with a behind-the-scenes staffer—a totally not-famous person?!

    We repeat: Oh, come on. This season's edition of The Bachelor is as authentic as Vienna Girardi's measurements!

    Are we to believe that a woman, one Ali Fedotowsky, would nix her shot at fleeting prime-time fame in order to keep a steady real-world job—as if, in this robust economy, you can't go out and just get another one?!

    Are we to believe a woman, one Rozlyn Papa, would risk alienating a man she hardly knew, one Jake Pavelka, in order to reportedly seek the attentions of another—as if, in the world of TV dating, hearts are fickle?!

    And more than all that, are we to believe the ratings keep climbing, week after week, because the show's producers got lucky?

    Ha!

    We know a good script when we read it—and that's what our suspicious mind tells us we have here in On the Wings of Love. (By the way, Bachelor, thanks for putting the song on continuous loop in our head. Now we know what it must've been like to go to a prom in 1982.)

    One shocking plot twist, we'd happily buy. Two shocking plot twists, we'd giddily buy. But if it's true that Fedotowsky's making a U-turn back to the Bachelor pad—third shocking plot twist!—then we're calling this show for what it is: Days of Our Lives with better sets!

    Then again…

    Bachelor host Chris Harrison kinda talked us back from the ledge in his interview the day after Ali's defection with Watch With Kristin's Kristin Dos Santos.

    "People are so funny with all these 'scripted' allegations," Harrison told Dos Santos. "We didn't do it, her boss did! It's real life."

    Harrison said that last year on The Bachelorette Pavelka was faced with the same, your-job-or-your-TV-show choice. And while Harrison most assuredly confused Pavelka for Ed Swiderski, who did briefly ditch the series for his office before returning and winning over Jillian Harris, his overall point stands: Real life does happen, even on reality-TV shows.

    (Also, why pull the same stunt twice? In successive seasons? Even daytime soaps space are careful to space out their evil twins.)

    For a second opinion, we decided to run our conspiracy theory by an impartial expert. Reality-TV executive producer John Irwin (Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew, Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew) conceded that some reality shows—"some of the campier ones," he said—have a little bit of fakery going on. 

    But Irwin's rehab shows don't have that kind of wiggle room, he said, and neither does The Bachelor, he believes.

    "I think people really buy into the love story, and I think people want to feel that it's authentic," he said. "And if there's any sense that it's not authentic, the bubble is burst."

    Besides, Irwin added, "If you let reality play out, and you have a great cast, generally what really happens is always going to be better than what a producer comes up with."

    Well, OK, but we're still totally not buying Vienna's breasts.

    ________

    That said, here are some Celeb Weddings We Can't Wait For!

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