Bitch-Back! Are All Johns Douches?

Mayer and Gosselin have way too many gross things in common

Dear Ted:
I can't stand John Mayer...He's almost like Jon Gosselin and those who shall not be named. There were headlines about an interview he did where he says he's not over Jen Aniston. Please! Can the guy be any more of a douchebag? It seems like he loves pulling strings and playing games with women. I seem to remember you saying that he's been a Blind Vice before; any hints as to what his vices are? Although, I'm already disgusted with what he openly shows.
—Angie

Dear Spot-On:
These two men definitely share more than the same name. Mayer's Vice is so obviously dirty! I mean, cover your nostrils, girlfriend.

Dear Ted:
Jay-Z and Beyoncé...a totally loving couple right? I heard from an alleged "insider" that the Rihanna and Jay-Z rumors had some truth to them, but that's all BS right? Please reassure me. Also, as a Supernatural fan since the beginning I'm glad there's finally more publicity for the show, but I honestly think Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are just BFFs. I have met them at conventions and seen how they act together, and I really think that they are just really good friends. However, I would be happy to be proven wrong.
—Gwen

Dear Questions:
Rihanna is moving on from all the recent drama—not starting more of it. As for Jackles, what makes you think their BFF friendship crosses the line? Do tell.

Dear Ted:
Wow. Every media outlet is debunking the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split rumors. I think they doth protest too much and the mainstream media is on the payroll. This is reminiscent of the DNC debunking the John Edwards report in the National Enquirer to further the DNC agenda of an Obama/McCain runoff. Come to think of it, the National Enquirer was right. Gives me a little more pause.
—Bluiz

Dear Investigator:
Clearly, you're new to this blolum, darling. When everything seems too perfect to be true, trust, it is.

Dear Ted:
People are saying Kristen Stewart kissed another boy at Sundance. Is this true? Did Robsten break up? I'm sad right now.
—Robsten fan

Dear Twi-hard:
Haven't heard of K.Stew having a smoochfest with a boy there. How could she, anyway? Dakota wouldn't leave her side, you know.

Dear Ted:
What is the deal with Kevin Jonas and his new wife? It seems the only thing they do together is shop at Gucci, and when they are together, she has a permanent bitch face, and he tries way too hard to look happy. Even the way that Nick and Joe talk about them is awkward at best. Am I just overanalyzing this, or is something up? I mean, a wedding attended by People magazine photographers can't actually be real...can it?
—Ruby

Dear Interpreter:
I think Kevin really is that boring, sorry. And please, his wife wouldn't let him go after watching the JoBros blow up that big.

Dear Ted:
I am a Kristen Stewart fan, but I have to admit I am concerned. The few interviews I saw of her at Sundance were a flashback to Comic-Con. Her edgy, nervous twitchiness is back in full force. She seemed much more at ease through the New Moon tour than now. It seems that she should be getting better with all this—she certainly has had plenty of practice! I also took note that she seems to be somewhat of a lesbian icon, could it be that she's at a point in her life where she is sorting this out and it is leading to her obvious discomfort with the media? Thanks.
—Hil

Dear Uncomfortable:
Practice makes semi-perfect, doll-face. Kristen was out of the media for a month, that's like 20 years in actress time. It's something we'll keep an eye on, though.

Dear Ted:
I just watched the interview where Kristen Stewart talks about her new film, and she's absolutely charming. It is kinda funny how fidgety she is, but is so refreshing to see her be herself without any pretenses.
—Amont

Dear Nice Nerves:
K.Stew is definitely not a typical interview, which is why we heart her. Unfortunately everyone has their opinions. If you don't have your haters, darling, then you haven't made it! 

Dear Ted:
It's my 20th birthday today, and I've got one big wish: Please, please reveal a Blind Vice for me! I've been following your blolum for years now (back when it was a column) and always look forward to reading the latest B.V. If that's not possible, can you tell me what the latest goings on are with Nelly Fang? Is he (or she) any closer to outing themselves?
—Nadia

Dear Blow Another Candle:
Happy birthday!

Dear Ted:
Why would actresses like Reese Witherspoon and Katie Holmes enter into long-term relationships with men like Tom Cruise or Jake Gyllenhaal?
—Dumbfounded

Dear Curious:
These "relationships" are as mutually beneficial and unbeneficial to the women as they are to the men. Both sides are getting something out of it. And who the hell knows, maybe true love's actually involved?

Dear Ted:
Could Nelly Fang be Kellan Lutz?
—JMS

Dear Cut to the Chase:
He could be. But he's not.

Dear Ted:
Did Angie Jolie and Jen Aniston both borrow that look from Liz Hurley?
—Lisa

Dear Fashionista:
You mean the ball gown with a slit and a lotta cleavage? Everything in fashion is borrowed!

Dear Ted:
I love the work of Kevin Spacey, more so circa 1990s. Anyway, apart from that, I get a creepy (how do I say this?) "drunk uncle at a family party" vibe from him. What's the deal?
—'90s girl

Dear Vibes:
Maybe you've seen American Beauty one too many times. Sometimes life imitates art.

Dear Ted:
You recently mentioned how there's pressure on gay actors to stay in the closet. But what happens if their fans jump ship and start to believe they are, in fact, gay? Do they come out of the proverbial closet, or deny and lie to their (reason for being famous) fans?
—Vanessa

Dear Hypothetical:
Crap if I know, why don't you ask Kevin Spacey?