Bitch-Back! Raise Your Hand If You Totally Wanna Bone John Mayer

Readers dumbfounded by the crooner—and Jen Aniston, coincidentally

By Ted Casablanca Jan 22, 2010 1:05 PMTags
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Dear Ted:
Don't get the John Mayer madness. He looks like a petulant small boy, and in his recent magazine interview, he comes across as narcissistic and weird. What are today's ladies thinking?
—Confused

Dear Mayerfied:
You mean you don't want to date a guy who just wants to "pitch a tent" on your vagina? Shocking. To answer your question, I'd say one thing, mainly: fame.

Dear Ted:
There are so many confusing reports about Alexander Skarsgård and Kate Bosworth at the Golden Globes afterparties. You wrote the following: "Our insider dishes that the duo didn't really come near each other the hour or so they were there." Clearly that changed, because sexy Skars and an equally sexy Kate were seen sneaking in a few kisses at the HBO party at the end of the night. Other reports say Alex and Kate never made it to the HBO party and that this is the reason why there isn't a single photo of Alex attending at any of the photo agencies. I'm confused, did they kiss or is it a false rumor?
—Anne

Dear Obsessed:
Nothing
went down between them at the In Style party, as we reported firsthand, but who's to say how the night ended? Onlookers swear the two were kissing while they were leaving at the valet at the end of the night. It sounds pretty feasible considering the more they drank, the hornier they got, probably. Positive A.Skars went to HBO, but we weren't there, so couldn't say if Kate did or not. Just know they were not attached at the hip all night, nor are they anything more than occasional fling-buddies.

Dear Ted:
I'm writing in reference to your Bitch-Back regarding using Kristen Stewart's name for publicity in Rob Pattinson's movie. I'm not writing to bash Rob, but I have the same concern. Why do you constantly try to drag Kristen's name in it? You seem determined to pit her against Emilie de Ravin. Honestly, the way you and Summit are promoting Remember Me and pushing the "oh-so-steamy chemistry" between EdR and Rob, it makes me wonder if there is any chemistry at all. Someone sure is overselling this movie.
—Confused

Dear Confused:
Guess we'll just have to wait tlil March to find out! Don't shoot the gossip messenger.

Dear Ted:
I have a quick question about Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore at the Globes. There was no love between these two former Angels. They looked as if the were avoiding each other. Is their friendship on the rocks? I always thought they were close, maybe I was wrong. What's the A.T.?
—A.J.

Dear Paging Charlie:
Interesting observation, and not one I can refute. Maybe Drew was just more into her date than anyone else? She strikes me as that kinda girl. Bros before Hos.

Dear Ted:
Has Renée Zellweger ever been a Blind Vice? There's something very strange about her. I can't seem to put my finger on it and don't seem to get what all the guys see in her, except maybe she's the type of girl who doesn't ask any questions and makes them seem oh-so-macho and manly?
—ANC

Dear Intuition:
Of course she's been a B.V. Not for a while, though. But she could make a comeback, if you so desire.

Dear Ted:
I think you're awesome and tons of fun! Not sure if you are aware, but many Robsten fans are divided with pregnancy talk concerning Kristen Stewart. Some would say that you are giving clues of pregnancy with your "wording" in articles and clues with TLT. Please help end this debate among us Robsteners and come out and say if Kristen is pregnant or not, and say it in a way that leaves no doubt! Thanks!
Concerned Fan

Dear Twilight Lover:
Sorry kids, there's no Robsten Jr. on the way.

Dear Ted:
Since the fab and funny Jane Lynch is proudly out of the closet, why doesn't she convince some of her Glee castmates to join her? That show is the most wonderfully gaytastic thing I've seen in years, and I'm not just talking about the musical numbers!
—Liza

Dear Glee Fan:
Jane's older and wiser—she's not going to out her costars. Especially since a few seem a bit confused themselves.

Dear Ted:
Now that Paris and Nicole apparently made up after the death of their friend Casey Johnson (I just realized they even follow each other now on Twitter), I wonder how you think it's going to affect Nicole's life (since Paris is still up to the same tricks, according to you). Will Nicole go wild again?
—Ted-obsessed

Dear Socialite Seeker:
As much as Nicole's former lifestyle is quite alluring at times, N.R. has had one of the biggest transformations ever. Now she's all about the family-schtick routine. Jeez, she and Angie Jolie would get along fantastically. For a lotta reasons, actually.

Dear Ted:
Just asking...if a Blind Vice is true and/or half of Hollywood already knows the truth, what legal trouble can you get in for revealing it?
—J.R.

Dear Naive:
On a lot of the gay ones, I could probably finagle an answer out of some, legally speaking. But in my gut, wouldn't do it. It's ultimately up to them. I'll gently push them, though: Come on, Toothy!

Dear Ted:
Do you think there's any hope of Jennifer Aniston reconciling with Tate Donovan? I read that they were "friendly" at the Globes. I think they were a great couple, and he's a step up from Gerard Butler, in my opinion. Thanks!
—Emily

Dear Blast From the Past:
Puh-leeze, the Gerard stuff was about as real as when she was "dating" Bradley Cooper. Don't see the Tate stuff happening, he's too much of a nice guy. And Jen's just not into nice. Obviously.

Dear Ted:
I hope all is well. My doggy sends a friendly "woof" to your kids! I have two questions. Not sure if this has already been asked, but first question is: Do Toothy and Grey Goose actively raise Baby Tile, or was this a "sire" situation? (As in Toothy, uh, provided elements to help make the baby for a friend or family member who is raising the baby). Second, of all the closeted Blind Vices you've reported over the years, which one is most likely to come out?
—Sarah

Dear Tough Questions:
(a) Active; (b) My guess? Crotch Uh-Lastic.

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