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    Keanu Counters Crazy Claims: Hypnosis, Disguises and Pseudonyms, Oh My

    Keanu Reeves George Pimentel/Getty Images

    UPDATE: Reason—and Keanu Reeves—have won out as a Canadian judge has dismissed the paternity suit on the grounds that it's just too out there.

    "The applicant's evidence is so incredible that it is not capable of acceptance by any reasonable trier of fact," Judge Fred Graham said, adding that he wanted to send a message to end "spurious" suits against celebrities. "A trial in this case would be a waste of judicial resources."

    Still, while the claims may be beyond unfathomable to everyone else, Graham has no doubt Karen Sala believes them to be true.

    "It is evident she believes her allegations even if they are patently unbelievable to an objective observer."

    While Sala is now on the hook for Reeves' $85,000 attorneys' fees, the actor's lawyer said he has not yet decided whether to seek reimbursement.

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    There are some undeniable perks to being a star of Keanu Reeves' caliber. Fighting cases like this is not one of them.

    What started off as a seemingly baseless paternity suit against the actor has turned into an exercise in the outrageous for a Canadian woman who is seeking at least $3 million in back spousal and child support and proof that Reeves is the father of her four adult children.

    Neither Reeves' assertion that he's never met Karen Sala nor the negative match results of the DNA test he voluntarily submitted to last year have deterred the woman from moving ahead with her increasingly fantastical—and we mean fantastical—claims.

    "I do know for a fact that he is the biological father," Sala, who in the great tradition of all celeb-obsessed eccentrics is representing herself, said in court.

    Though what she lacked in proof and reality-based coherence, she more than made up for with shock factor.

    Claim No. 1: Keanu Reeves knows kung fu hypnosis. Forget foolproof facts and science, Sala had a perfectly reasonable explanation for how Reeves managed to pass the DNA test: He used hypnosis to tamper with the results. So convinced is she of the cheating tactic, Sala requested that Reeves be made to undergo a second round of tests, to which the actor's lawyer unsurprisingly refused.

    "It's much more invasive than…photographs of him on the beach," Lorne Wolfson said, adding that, should the DNA fall into the wrong hands (e.g., Sala's), it could make for a gross invasion of privacy.

    Claim No. 2: Keanu Reeves is a master of disguise. Try calling him wooden now! According to Sala, the actor has used both hypnosis and an apparent mastery of shape-shifting to pass himself off as different people, including Sala's ex-husband. As for why Reeves would do such a thing? Why, in order to secretly cohabitate with Sala and be present at the births of her children, of course.

    Sala, however, refuses to accept the possibility that it may actually have been her ex-husband, not the A-list actor, with whom she shared a home. She also refuses to produce her children's birth certificates or have her ex, who is listed as the kids' father in their divorce proceedings, undergo a DNA test to prove his paternity.

    "Her evidence is, at best, incredible," Wolfson said. "There is clearly no triable issue."

    As for the home-sharing claim, Wolfson said Reeves "hasn't cohabitated with the applicant for a minute, let alone three years."

    Claim No. 3: Keanu Reeves is not Keanu Reeves. Theirs is a bond clearly steeped in history. Sala claims she has known the actor since she was 4 years old, alleging that he grew up just down the street from her. The hitch was, according to Sala, that back then Reeves was going by the name Marty Spencer (he wasn't). She claimed it was only years later that she connected them as the same man (they aren't).

    "I didn't know he was Keanu Reeves," she said. "To me he was Marty Spencer."

    It is with Spencer/Reeves that she claims she carried on a sexual relationship before, during and after her marriage.

    Wolfson apparently didn't see fit to justify that last allegation with a response, instead reiterating that there is no basis to either her spousal or child support claims.

    He requested an immediate summary judgment—which would prevent the matter from going to trial—and is seeking the repayment of attorneys' fees for Spencer Reeves.

    (Originally published on Jan. 7, 2010 at 1:10 p.m. PT)

    ________

    It's safe to say Keanu Reeves won't be appearing in our Hollywood's Hottest Dads gallery anytime soon. Check out which stars have made the paternal cut.

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