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    Bitch-Back: Angelina Ain't a Slut!

    Angelina Jolie James Devaney/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    You're an idiot. Angelina Jolie is not a ho! You're the ho!
    Kolgyrl

    Dear Brangeloony:
    Really? That's the one out of our year-end Ho Ho Hos that got to you? And thanks. Like I said, I don't think being a ho is always a bad thing.

    Dear Ted:
    Think I've identified Nelly Fang: Stephen Moyer was voted People's "most smoldering vampire" in its recent Sexiest Man Alive issue. I've seen him and Anna furniture shopping...seemed happy enough. What do you make of that relationship?
    SCSFGuy

    Dear Fangtective:
    I heart their relaysh. Stephen and Anna are both quite cute together. Nothin' Nelly about it. You're warm, but wrong.

    Dear Ted:
    What's the romantic situation with Alexander Skarsgård? Please don't say that he's with Kate Bosworth! I didn't like him with Evan Rachel Wood, but I actually prefer that pairing to the current one. So are Alex and Kate a couple, and did that relationship have a direct affect on Evan going back to Marilyn Manson? I suspect that Kate slithered her way into Alex's good graces, and I actually feel like Evan got a raw deal here. Will filming True Blood together be awkward for them? What do you know?
    Z

    Dear Skarsgård Curious:
    He's not with Kate any more than he is truly a vampire. ERW isn't crying over spilled booty...She's got that delectable Manson back, didn't ya know?

    Dear Ted:
    Happy New Year! Thank you for all you do for us—it may not seem like much, but you and Team Awful make every day a little bit sunnier. I look forward to our "visits" every day. Here's hoping 2010 brings you much joy and happiness and a smoking-hot love life! As always, love ya lots!
    Megley

    Dear Sweetheart:
    Much thanks, doll, here's wishing you a joyous '10 as well! And just as much smoke in the bedroom.

    Dear Ted:
    Is it coincidental that Jennifer Garner shows up in public all the time pushing her babies on swings and picking them up from school in the midst of a superstalker while Ben is nowhere to be seen? The split is imminent, right?
    H.H. Denver

    Dear Bennifer 2.0:
    No, it's not coincidental. Baby No. 2 was a Band-Aid for a much bigger problem in their marriage.

    Dear Ted:
    I don't know how to feel about Miley Cyrus. Sometimes I really like her, and sometimes I don't. I don't like the fact that every time I see a new picture from one of her concerts her butt cheeks are hanging out. I also think she concentrates more on her dancing—then she's out of breath and her singing sucks. What are your thoughts?
    CNJ

    Dear Mixed Feelings:
    Not gonna lie, I kinda like her songs. And she can sing live OK. I much prefer crazy Miley to "I swear I'm innocent" Miley.

    Dear Ted:
    That picture of Tay-Squared kissing looks like one of the most awkward kisses ever! I wouldn't doubt if they didn't have any chemistry! None of their pictures looked normal. They both looked awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know, am I wrong?
    B from Alaska

    Dear Perceptive:
    No. Definitely not wrong.

    Dear Ted:
    Thank you for your interesting post on Avatar director James Cameron. I love that you gave him such a smooth nickname. Now regarding Nelly Fang, is he really smoldering hot or burnt to a crisp? For my next question, please take my word that in no way am I suggesting that the Titanic director likes to jog in short shorts around Griffith Park, but when it's all over and the credits roll, would you say the Terminator guy and the vampire guy have some things in common?
    Vicky

    Dear Sinking Ship:
    Are you kidding, Cameron's been married what, like 10 times? Or are you talking about a different Terminator guy?

    Dear Ted:
    Your story is right on about Brittany Murphy's mommie dearest. You just scratched the surface. You have no idea how strange that household was—all those people that bashed you are very, very wrong, and you, sir, are dead on.
    A

    Dear Too Soon:
    Sometimes it's not fun reporting the awful truth...but that's exactly what it is.

    Dear Ted:
    I've always loved James Franco; I think he's a great actor and definitely an interesting interview. His SNL monologue was a little...off, shall we say? Was he sick or just coked out of his mind?
    Roma

    Dear Fidgety Franco:
    I liked his monologue! J.F. is just a little…off.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Kristen Stewart the Parker Posey of Sundance this year—two great films with huge buzz, especially The Runaways. Plus, Stripper Stew's very different and exciting don't ya think. Are you going?
    Nik

    Dear Belle of the Ball:
    She's definitely one of the most buzzed-about gals there, that's for sure. Team Awful will be on hand in Park City!

    Dear Ted:
    What's your take on the Buzz Photo's blind item reveal stating that Robsten is in fact nothing more than a fauxmance orchestrated to promote both their careers and that one of them is gay?
    Ashlea

    Dear Link Pls:
    Don't know the item you're talking about...Which one did they say was supposedly gay?

    Dear Ted:
    Now that Jake has broken up with Reese, I would have thought his good friend Austin Nichols would be spending some quality time trying to cheer Jake up. But if tweets leading up to a well-timed photo of Jake just flying into L.A. this week are to be believed, these two amigos are never in L.A. or any other place at the same time.
    Twitter Skeptic 

    Dear East Coast Lovin':
    They cheer each other up more often that you think.

    Dear Ted:
    Are Whore-Tense Past-tense and Jordache Junky the same person? Loving all the Blind Vices.
    Annoyed

    Dear Stumbling:
    Never do that, dear. Each sinner's his or her own person!

    Dear Ted:
    For as much hating the crazy Twi-hards and Robsten fans get on the message boards, I think we should all give them props where deserved. Evidently, they are better investigators than the paps. After weeks and weeks of Kristen Stewart being MIA from the camera's lens, it was a fan who caught Robsten together in the U.K., not the paps. Just some love for the crazy Twi-hards!
    Amanda

    Dear Diplomatic One:
    Totally true, darling! Totally.

    Dear Ted:
    Is there any chance Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake will ever get back together? What about Jessica Simpson and her ex...Nick something? One more question. Was the late Brittany Murphy Morgan Mayhem? Wishing you all the best for 2010!
    Tess

    Dear Three's a Crowd:
    I'd die of happiness if Britney and Justin got back together. No chance on Jessica and Nick. And no, Brittany wasn't Morgan, but they were quite similar.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Nelly Fang Peter Facinelli?
    M

    Dear Fresh Guess:
    No, Nelly isn't married. Nor quite that butch.

    Dear Ted:
    I think I've figured out who Crotch Uh-lastic is...Does he have a younger sibling emerging in showbiz?
    Stephanie

    Dear Narrowing It Down:
    Doesn't everyone?

    Dear Ted:
    What do you think of Glee star Matthew Morrison's gay denial? I'm not sure I'm convinced by it. Also I love Dexter actor Michael C. Hall, and I'm curious about his blind item. Please tell me it's not about his ego. He seems like such a nice guy.
    J

    Dear TV Junkie:
    A lot of those Glee boys have a few things they need to fess up to. And so does Michael C. Hall, but ego isn't one of 'em.

    ________

    For more of Ted's sass head on over to our Bitch-Back section.

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