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    Bitch-Back! Natalie Portman's No Role Model

    Natalie Portman George Pimentel/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Wow, my respect for you went down a great deal when I saw you list Natalie Portman as a good role model. She publicly backs freeing Roman Polanski—you know, the man who drugged, raped and sodomized a child? She is no role model for either gender to look up to, and especially not women. Badly done, Ted.
    —E.T.

    Dear Pissed-Off Portman:
    While I completely agree with you, not Natalie, on the Polanski stuff, I won't write a person off just because I totally disagree with certain beliefs. Natalie's a well-spoken, Harvard-educated woman who's managed to make a career for herself without being a bitch or losing who she is. Those are some of her qualities which I think she can be admired for.

    Dear Ted:
    Can't you start a petition to stop Melissa Rosenberg from writing the next Twilight picture? What is wrong with those guys at Summit, they have changed directors three times now, why not the boring screenwriter? She really is the pits. I dread Eclipse; I wonder how much of that book she will miss.
    Margaret

    Dear Writers Block:
    I'm with ya, doll. Does Stephenie Meyer have it in her contract or something Rosenberg needs to be the permanent writer? 'Cause seriously, not sure why Melissa is still on board. Hardwicke wasn't the problem with the first Twilight movie. Just sayin'.

    Dear Ted:
    Thank you for cleaning up the posts in the last B.B. site (it went from over 1000 to around 850). The vulgarity, cursing and nastiness is extremely unsettling. Posters discuss their sex lives, and Robsten's, in pornographic detail. Name calling is rife. Hate is endlessly spewed. Perhaps some sort of policing can be put into place so that the few nasty posters (they are small in number but repost many times under different monikers) can be banned from A.T. There are a great many posters who are insightful to read and I enjoy having an online discussion with them, but the nasty ones ruin all the fun. I'm sure if you print this, those same posters will ask why did I read them, just skip over them, but you don't know what you are reading until you are almost halfway through their filth. Thanks for listening.
    Annie

    Dear Haters Beware:
    It's a war zone in the message boards, huh? No one is safe from the hate. Our moderators do their best to control the really terrible and offensive ones, but it's hard to catch 'em all. Haters will do whatever they can to get noticed, old story.

    Dear Ted:
    Summit Entertainment has agreed to distribute Roman Polanski's new movie? Let me get this straight, the studio that would be nothing if not for a very profitable "teen" franchise, is now in charge of a movie by an admitted teen rapist? Wow, I thought I heard everything, but I was wrong. This is inappropriate on so many levels!
    Stunned in SoCal

    Dear Good Points:
    Are you shocked that money, not morals, run this town?

    Dear Ted:
    Would people be more shocked by who MeMe Dallas is or by who Tobey Yum-Yum is? I mean, I think people would be less surprised by MeMe simply because of the fact that she's doing her darnedest now to be a wild, young thing. And does Tobey have an upcoming wedding to attend?
    Scarlett

    Dear Overly Confident:
    I don't think readers would be too shocked over either now.

    Dear Ted:
    I heard from a relative who worked on one of Anne Hathaway's movies that she was actually pretty pompous and "made life more difficult" for the crew on set. This made me so sad, since in print she seems awesome. Are most stars this good at presenting themselves in a positive way, even if they aren't so great?
    Curious

    Dear Fascinating:
    Ya don't say. I'd love to speak with your relative, doll! Haven't heard too much of that nastiness around these parts, surprisingly enough.

    Dear Ted:
    So I wanted to know if you have any dirt on Taylor Swift ? She seems like such a goody-goody, but its hard to believe there are any of those left in Hollywood, especially at her age. So what can you tell us about her? Has she ever been a Blind Vice? And is she as innocent as she looks?
    M

    Dear Not for Long:
    No Vice for Swift. Yet. Taylor is still that disgustingly nice. Is that why I find her boring? But H'wood changes people fast...I wouldn't be surprised if she bitches out eventually!

    Dear Ted:
    Hope you're feeling better. I think Harry and La-Feelya Fun-Tanked are Drea de Matteo and Shooter Jennings. And I think Bridget and Quidget are William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman. Am I right? Also, Natalie "Free Polanski/Eating Meat Equals Rape" Portman is a role model? I respectfully disagree. From the quotes listed above, she seems to have a skewed sense of right and wrong. If a person is a vegetarian, then good for them, and I respect your passion and choice. I would not, however, compare anyone who doesn't agree with my view to a rapist. Your thoughts?
    Rtsew

    Dear Silent but Deadly:
    Darling, I love where your naughty head is at with those Blind Vice guesses. I think you're the first person with enough guts to guess all four? Wish I could say you were right...but you're not, sorry! And yeah, I think Portman was way off with those comments, too. I'd say she's a role model in other areas, though. Stars, just like husbands (and wives), make mistakes.

    Dear Ted:
    I believe you when you say Nikki Reed may have had a hookup with Robert Pattinson, maybe more. She was more smitten than he was. He was always chasing the prize (Kristen Stewart). N.R. was hurt and bitter R.P. wasn't as into her as she was into him. Relationship ended. End of story. I also think you feel you bear some responsibility for N.R. being painted as a she-devil because some Robsten fanatics will hate anyone being with R.P. other than K.S., and that is why you want to "make up" with N.R. Am I right? Because if I am, I totally love you for trying to make this whole N.R. bad rap right.
    Annie

    Dear Read My Mind, Why Doncha:
    Uhhh...you're shockingly dead-on there, girlfriend.

    Dear Ted:
    Since I know you won't give me an early Xmas present by telling me that Toothy Tile dates a spokesperson for a cosmetics company, will you at least give your two cents on Morgan Mayhem? If she is who I think she is, is her current do-gooder trip abroad for real, an attempt to grow up, or just a blatant PR move?
    Waldo

    Dear Messed-Up Morgan:
    Morgan is so loony all the time, she probably doesn't even know where the hell she is half the time. But with her family background it's no wonder she's on the fast track to her grave.

    Dear Ted:
    Did anything ever happen between David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson during their X-Files days? I always thought they didn't like each other much, but tolerated each other on a professional level. I've been going through your old Bitch-Backs, and now I'm thinking there's more to the story.
    Kristy

    Dear Sex-Files:
    How am I supposed to answer that without getting eaten alive by Duchovny's bulldogs?

    Dear Ted:
    How come James Franco isn't really photographed much with his girlfriend unless he's on the red carpet? Every time the paparazzi catch him, he seems to be flying solo.
    Meliadames

    Dear Shocker:
    You mean to tell me celeb couples put on a show just for the cameras? You don't say...

    Dear Ted:
    It's killing me! Give me a little hint as to what Blind Vice Hadyen Christensen is? Thanks!
    M

    Dear Vice Wars:
    His B.V. is probably more popular than he is nowadays.

    Dear Ted:
    OMG! I can't quit your column! It's like hotboxing ciggie butts. I never did unbookmark you. We're talking about a 10 year avid reader of A.T. I can deal with Twilight! I swear I can. I know things have changed in H-town, but the new stuff is super work! Anne Hathaway is a gem. First-class act. This Lindsay India crap seems as badly scripted as her last movie. I believe Miss Jolie wrote the book on this one. And a damn good read so far. OK, you are awesome! Hugs!
    GGRosey

    Dear Hanging Around:
    Guess Lindsay Lohan's too messed up to read. Or else misread Angie's book. How to Manipulate the Public Into Thinking You're Mother Teresa I think it was called, right?

    Dear Ted:
    I just heard the most disturbing news. I dismissed it the first time I heard it in the gossip mags, but I was recently talking with a friend of a friend...a friend who happens to live above Robert Pattinson's agent, Stephanie Ritz. He is convinced that the two of them are sleeping together. Are you absolutely certain nothing like that has ever gone on between them? Much love to you!
    Breadandbutter

    Dear Laugh It Off:
    What the hell is it with everybody wanting me to get sued, already?

    Dear Ted:
    I've been wrestling with emailing you for some time now as I'm sure your inbox is inundated with Robsten emails daily, but I had to put my kitty down today and came to the A.T. (and perhaps some red wine) to help ease my sorrows. The haters have certainly been on a roll lately, and while I'm glad R/K are out of the spotlight (and clearly enjoying some alone time), can you give some little tidbit or debunk the latest rumors to shut the haters up (I know its frivolous) at least for the next few hours or so? Thanks for being you!
    Needing a Pick-Me-Up

    Dear So Sorry:
    My heart goes out to you and your furry one, very sorry. Rob and Kristen are doing they're own thing right now. That's why they work together. Because they can work apart.

    Dear Ted:
    I've been reading your column for a couple of years now, and I love it! I was wondering what do you think—would Jennifer Aniston and Michael Vartan make a hot couple? I think they would. Merry Christmas and a Happy 2010 to you and your team!
    Helena

    Dear Odd Couple:
    Interesting match. I think JenAn is too superficial to have a C-lister like Vartan on her arm, though. Vince Vaughn even is a notch ahead of Michael on the star scale.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm in a B.V. quandary. I'm guessing the same person for Butter Pussy and Vadge Fly-Trap (a B.V. from a while back). Help, please?
    Agusta

    Dear Good Detective:
    Actually, Butter and Vadge have so much in common, sometimes they seem like the same person! But they're not.

    Dear Ted:
    I don't know if you've answered this question already, but is Rocky Trailer, oh, I don't know...Elizabeth Reaser?
    Bri

    Dear Can't Let It Go:
    Sorry, that's a no sweetheart! Totally wrong...age bracket.

    __________

    Blind Vices gotcha rattled? Dig through more Bitch-Backs for clues.

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