"I'm not dating," he announced. "I don't know if you know this: I have sort of a funny track record, which is actually not that strange given my age. I'm a little freaked out right now about it, to be honest.
Ellen tried to sympathize with him and how it sucks that everything in his dating life is out there for the public. At least John took some responsibility for that. Cue self-deprecation now:
"Or, for some reason, whoever I date has been famous for a while. I can't sit here and be like, 'Oh please let me live my life in private with this famous person who's been around for 15 years.' I have to figure out what are the things that I ask for and sign up for in terms of cause and effect. The last thing you want to see me doing is bashing my head going, 'I'm shocked that I'm being followed right now.' I have a good heart; I think I may have gotten lost a couple of times, but so does everybody."
Oh so funny and honest; what a shame he's not dating anyone for a while, right, ladies? (You don't have to answer that.)
Nice try, John Mayer, but you haven't worked your way out of our special gallery for guys like you...yet.