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The Florida Highway Patrol has pinned the tale on Tiger. And it's a much less interesting tale than the media—and scandal-hungry public—may have hoped for.
All the headlines, all the conspiracy theories and all the intrigue has yielded nothing more than a citation for a moving violation for Tiger Woods and more or less a giant middle finger to inquiring minds nationwide.
"The investigation has determined that Mr. Woods is at fault in the crash," Maj. Cindy Williams said at what amounted to the briefest of press conferences this afternoon.
With the blame will come a "uniform traffic citation" for careless driving—trooperspeak for a ticket. The violation carries a fine of up to $164 (maybe we should start passing the hat) and four points on Woods' driving record.
Well played, FHP. Well played.
According to Williams, the FHP will not be pursuing criminal charges against either Woods or his wife, Elin Nordegren Woods, due to "insufficient evidence.
Additionally, Williams noted that investigators had no reason to issue a subpoena for any additional medical information that might exist in the case, and that "there are no claims of domestic violence by any individual."
Consider this case closed.
(Originally published Dec. 1, 2009, at 11:55 a.m. PT)
Get everything we have on Tiger Woods, and be sure to catch on-the-ground reports from Jason Kennedy in Florida on E! News at 7 and 11:30 p.m. ET/PT.