Kate Gosselin never wanted it to be this way. But since it is this way...
Having to shut down its cash cow thanks to Jon Gosselin's gripes, TLC made sure that its litigious former star ended up looking like the greater of two evils on Monday's series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8.
"They don't know about girlfriends at all," Kate said, referring pointedly to her kids' knowledge of Jon's off-and-on significant other, hailey glassman.
"That's just too warped for them, too unhealthy for them to know. They're learning at this age by watching us what it's like to be an adult, and that's the last thing I want them to know. But I really just think that relationship is a situation that's just a symptom of the real issue, so…I don't envision a future there involving my kids at all."
So while Jon talked about doing what he has to do to be friends with Kate, be a good dad and maintain his relationship with Hailey, his estranged wife was busy nipping that last part in the bud.
When they weren't busy repeating themselves for the cameras, Kate took six of the kids to an organic farm, where they petted kittens and milked cows, and everything was wholesome and lovely! Meanwhile, even raising money for firefighters, Jon just couldn't win.
"I always wonder, Are they safe, are they protected, are they well thought-out?" Kate, who called the premature end of the show "bittersweet," mused during one interview segment.
"And I do worry about his intentions and his motives for such things," she said, referring to the lemonade stand Jon set up to raise money for their local volunteer fire department. "Is this a publicity stunt? What is the bottom line of it? I don't like when my kids get caught in the crossfire of that stuff."
Cut to Jon banishing Mady and Cara from the site for being "unappreciative" and then begrudging the sextuplets their fun exploring a firetruck while he stayed outside selling lemonade. Then he donned a full fireman's suit and took a few Darth Vader-esque breaths.
Kate's concerns come to fruition, or some crafty editing?
"They love him and they need to see him," she admitted. "My goal has really been to remain neutral, state the facts, not say negative things about him. Just, it is what it is."
But is Kate ticked off about having the newly named Kate Plus 8 being pulled out from under her because of Jon's newfound misgivings about the effect the show is having on their children?
"Our show has provided the opportunities for us to travel and do and see that we wouldn't otherwise have had," she said. "It was really working for us and I just feel it ended so suddenly. I feel like it's been taken from us, from me and the kids."
Despite all the apparent animosity, Kate says that she never meant to become a single parent.
"Don't kid yourself into thinking that when I'm driving to get school supplies with the kids or to try on shoes or anything that you've seen us do recently, it always crosses my mind that I should be in the passenger seat and Jon should be driving—every single time.
"To clarify," she continued, "I never wanted that to change. Maybe I wanted roles to change, and people to step up, and stress loads to shift...but I never wanted him absent from that driver's seat."
As for Jon, he's taking this single parent thing and running with it.
"You know, those are precious times," he said, seemingly referring to the years they spent shooting Jon & Kate Plus 8. "And it's unfortunate our marriage failed, but our family shouldn't fail. We're going to strive to do better and be the best parents we can, whether we're married or not.
"And we're definitely not going to be married ever again."