Really, the Army sloganeers should have been a bit clearer. Be all that you can be, sure. Just as long as that doesn't entail obsessively traipsing after one of television's biggest talents.
Fresh off the news that Ryan Seacrest's knife-wielding alleged stalker Chidi Uzomah Jr. is, in fact, a current member of the U.S. Army Reserve, a spokesman has offered an apology to the E! News host for behavior most unbecoming a would-be soldier.
"It is disappointing to have a soldier act in that form or fashion, however, we will allow the local police to do their initial investigation, and we will chime in afterwards," Lt. Col. Nathan Banks told E! News.
Banks added that Uzomah is a member of the Civil Affairs Unit, "who goes into places like Afghanistan and Iraq"—and, uh, Los Angeles radio studios?—"and brings stability into the city, brings normalcy back."
Pretty soon, however, Uzomah's only affiliation may be as an army of one. Though right now he seems to have plenty of company...a whole cell's worth, to be precise.
The 25-year-old office invader remains in police custody, where he is being held on $150,000 bail.
According to Sgt. Brian Williams (not that one), Uzomah not only has an extensive military background but the poor performance record to match.
He served as a cadet in the ROTC program at Cal State Dominguez Hills between fall 2004 and spring 2008, and also as a soldier in the California Army National Guard beginning in April 2005, though he didn't exactly thrive.
"Unfortunately, he was dismissed from the program for academic reasons and other circumstances," Williams said. "He wasn't meeting the requirements and portraying himself as an officer."
And while he did succeed in leaving an impression on the program's runners, it wasn't a positive one.
"He's a big guy, and I see how he could give off that kind of scary demeanor. You could tell there was kind of something there. He was decent academically, but as the program went on…he was quiet, kind of reserved."
As for his Seacrest-based behaviors, Banks said that while Uzomah is "innocent until proven guilty," he could possibly face any number of noncivilian punishments.
"He could possibly be honorably discharged or bad conduct discharged, but it's too early to state because we first have to let the due process happen," he said. "We will wait and be patient and not rush to judgment yet."
While Seacrest has obtained a temporary restraining order against Uzomah, officials in two separate jurisdictions are trying to figure out how to proceed.
The Orange County District Attorney is examining the evidence from the Friday incident to determine whether Uzomah violated his probation for an assault on a Seacrest security guard back in September.
The Los Angeles District Attorney is also currently weighing what, if any, charges to lob against Uzomah.
Catch up on the whole crazy saga.