That sound you hear is the nation's TiVos spontaneously powering down in protest.
Earlier this month, Octomom Nadya Suleman activated gag reflexes everywhere by revealing she had a crush on Jon Gosselin, going so far as to dub him "hot." Earlier this morning, In Touch Weekly took that cry for help revelation and ran with it, claiming that the publicity-hungry, parentally challenged duo would be coupling up in a new reality dating show.
And while we can only pray the report didn't give them any ideas, it also (for now) is not true...depending on who you ask.
The supermarket staple quoted the oddly credible former producer of Cheaters, who claimed that the show would follow Gosselin contemplating not only "what hooking up with Octomom could really be like," but what their home life might be like if their respective 14- and 8-strong broods fused, like the Brady Bunch on steroids.
"I heard that Nadya has an insatiable desire to spend time with Jon and to put their families together," producer Bobby Goldstein told the tabloid. "And I had the idea that this could be a very entertaining fiasco." (Apparently Goldstein never heard of one Hailey Glassman.)
It may be Halloween week, but no one deserves this type of scare. Luckily, Gosselin's manager has stepped in to put a lid on the madness, debunking the report and once again restoring order to the television universe.
"This is the first I've even heard of it," he said. "This isn't happening."
Not that it wasn't at one point in the works, with a rep for the would-be trainwreck boasting of email records to prove it.
They claim Gosselin's rep went so far as to negotiate the reality vet's cut of the profits, a possible shoot location and even Hailey's role in the program.
"We've been developing this show for months," the rep told E! News. "We've just been talking to the people the last few days. We were tipped off by Octomom's ex-publicist that she had an obsession with Jon and that's when we started developing the show."
"After someone brings it to the media, it just freaks people out, but we're not BS-ing. This is going to end up on a network. We're talking to all four of them...Fox, ABC, NBC and CBS."
The rep went on to claim that the show, which Gosselin's rep adamantly denies, would start as a one-off special, but has series potential.
"We're even talking about scheduling it around the Superbowl. We think it could be that big. We think it could be American Idol-type" big.
They may want to think again.
—Additional reporting by Whitney English
Check out which stars will be teaming up on the small screen with a look through our TV Celebrity Stunt Casting gallery.