Talk about your stupid human tricks.
David Letterman revealed tonight while taping The Late Show that he has been the victim of an alleged extortion plot. He said that someone demanded $2 million from him three weeks ago in exchange for keeping quiet about various sexual liaisons the veteran funnyman has had with members of his staff. Or else he would write a screenplay.
No punchline, it was for real.
He says that he found a package in the backseat of his car—"I don't usually receive packages, 6 in the morning, in the back of my car"—containing a letter that said, "I know that you do some terrible, terrible things—and I can prove you do these terrible things."
In the package was "stuff to prove that I do terrible things...At 6 in the morning, all you can think about is every terrible thing you've ever done in your entire life," he continued.
OK, there were a few punchlines.