James Dittiger/ Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation
Lucky lady Megan Fox had two totally coveted career moves in the last two weeks—getting her first starring role in Jennifer's Body and hosting Saturday Night Live. And Meg wasted both opportunities big-time.
Everyone's fave tattooed brunette (sorry, Angelina!) finally had two chances to show H'wood she could truly act—that she wasn't just some flavor-of-the-month sexpot (ya know, like Angie). But after seeing Jennifer and her SNL stint ourselves, we still have no idea about Meg's ability as a real actress with killer comedic timing, since every damn moment focused on her already overexposed bod.
What's a poor li'l superhot gal to do? Well, for starters…
Drop the sex act already and play ugly! Every damn sketch on SNL featured Foxy as a chick you'd like to bang instead of one you'd wanna laugh at: Russian prostitute, flight attendant, and, ahem, herself. (Though we totally loved her as a phone sex call girl in this sketch, which has a sorta-cameo from an AT regular!) Would it have killed her to play a gap-toothed, strange-looking weirdo for a few minutes? It'd actually be a side of Meg we haven't seen before!
Obviously, her T&A shtick isn't working anymore—Jennifer's Body is officially a bomb, making a smidge over $12 million in two weeks. That's not even enough to cover the budget, let alone guarantee Foxy as a box office draw. Barely anyone out there wanted to pay to see the magazine cover babe running around in her undies, swimming naked and smooching overeager boys (and even costar Amanda Seyfried)! Just another reason for her to throw away the whore-bright lipstick and extra-thick eyeliner and go subtler onscreen.
Oh, and "playing ugly" doesn't mean throwing on some fake demon teeth while still exposing tons of cleavage, hon. We mean really ugly. Hey, it's been done before—everyone knows Charlize Theron and Salma Hayek are totally doable, but no one took them seriously 'til Charlize gained a billion pounds for Monster and Salma slapped on an unsexy unibrow for Frida. You can still sass it up on the red carpet, but try picking more down-to-earth roles for a change, 'kay? Lord knows those curves of yours won't be around to flash forever.
—Additional reporting by Becky Bain