"We're like turtles behind a radiator. There is an enormous convex lens that is just focusing the sun's energy to try to destroy people. We're like ants under a 12-year-old's magnifying glass."
—Jon Stewart, on the stifling heat on the red carpet
"I was totally trounced by Andy Richter. It really is about the buzzer."
—Dana Delany from Desperate Housewives, sharing her wisdom after surviving an episode of Celebrity Jeopardy
"Someone would have to be abducted for us to have a chance. And I just want to know who is going to pull a Kanye."
—Samantha Who? actress Christina Applegate, sharing her thoughts on tonight's Emmys
"I like my big nose. How about that? Take that, nose jobs! My pinky toes are foul, foul. They look like cashews."
—Julia Louis-Dreyfus, when asked about her favorite and least favorite body parts
"There might be a kiss toward the beginning, and it may go further, who knows? To be honest, I haven't read the scripts yet."
—Hayden Panettiere, when pressed for information about her female roommate on the upcoming season of Heroes
"I'm professionally dumb. I can make money from it."
"I want to go on the record and say I have never urinated in public. But the night is still young."
—Amy Poehler, of Parks and Recreation
"You don't see us dialing a lot of phones because it takes us 35 minutes to get through a number."
—Jon Hamm from Mad Men, explaining the limitations of acting in a period piece
"If we win today, maybe it'll be Emmy."
—Project Runway's Heidi Klum, on the possible name of her soon-to-be-born baby girl
"Breast-feeding is the secret cure. I have been eating and eating and eating because I'm producing a lot of milk."
—How I Met Your Mother's Alyson Hannigan, on her postbirth weight-loss secret.
"For me, the first time I saw her, as corny as that is."
—Entourage actor Jerry Ferrara, when asked about the exact moment he fell in love with costar Jamie-Lynn Sigler
"What do you want? You throw a microphone in front of my face, what do you expect?"
—Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, after dropping a live F-bomb in front of Giuliana Rancic on the red carpet.
"We have a bit of a bromance, you and I. I think you and I would have a really good time hanging out. I mean, watch out world."
—How I Met Your Mother actor Jason Segel, man-flirting with Seacrest on the red carpet
"My message to Ryan is this: As long as it's not Bergeron I'm OK. If you take it, dude, Ryan, I don't know about you, but I'm good, [but] if it's Bergeron, I'm pulling a Kanye."
—Survivor host Jeff Probst sending a shout-out to Ryan Seacrest about Tom Bergeron. All three are nominated for a best reality host Emmy tonight.
"FASHION EMERGENCY! My zipper on my gown just all popped & broke on my way 2 Emmys! My stylist is meeting me there but I'm FREAKING OUT!!!"
—Kim Kardashian, on her way to the big night. Let's hope there's a wet bar in the green room.
"My breasts were sagging. I had some pec implants, and after [the show] I plan on having them removed."
—The Office's Oscar Nuñez, discussing his personal pre-Emmys makeover
E! Online will be covering all the arrivals, fashions, winners and news today—live!—so make sure to check back here (and @eonline)!
Get all the arrivals in our 2009 Emmys Arrivals gallery.