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    Bitch-Back! Nikki and Kristen Sitting in a Tree

    Nikki Reed, Kristen Stewart George Pimentel/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Why isn't anyone reporting on the obvious Kristen Stewart- Nikki Reed relationship? I don't think Rob Pattinson is really dating her.
    Jo Sigler 

    Dear Lesby-light:
    Wow, who would make a hotter couple Robsten or Kiki? But, let's get real: Robsten is, Kiki isn't.

    Dear Ted:
    Can't imagine people ragging on Jessica Simpson losing her Daisy and speaking out about it; what if it was them? Thank you for all you do - it's more than you know!
    Corlett

    Dear Animal Lover:
    Anything for you—and my furry friends!

    Dear Ted:
    I completely agree with you how people are treating Jessica Simpson, as well as people who smoke. Smoking might not be the best choice but it's a person's decision and there's plenty of other things out there that are much worse.
    Megz

    Dear Blowing Smoke Up My Ass:
    Thanks, isn't it rich how people automatically decide for other folks how their supposed to behave through tough times? So Jessica Twittered about a coyote taking her dog, so what? Show the woman some compassion, already. People like Kathryn Joosten, Patrick Swayze, me and others make mistakes and smoke. We're human.

    Dear Ted:
    That girl isn't the only one who loves both Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. I'm a Robsten fan, but would totally love to see Rob and Megan getting it on in a movie. That right there will be hot!
    butter

    Dear Foreward Thinking:
    So mature of you! And I couldn't agree more, btw.

    Dear Ted:
    Sorry to hear about the breakup. But come on. It was a one-year thing. Most people don't even consider one year to be a union. Dust yourself, think about the good times, put the bad behind you and move on. Don't moon over something so brief, no matter how intense. Hold out for someone you can be with for the long haul. That's the goal after all, isn't it? Now buck up and give us a smile. We don't need you to turn into one of the divas you so amusingly chronicle.
    Tall Guy

    Dear Easy Come, Easy Go:
    Many would argue with the "turn into" portion of your sweet letter, but, I thank you nonetheless. You are kind.

    Dear Ted:
    Has your Deep-Twi source dished at all on upcoming plans for New Moon publicity? Will Summit really need premieres in Japan, Rome, etc, or will they (partially) rely on all the pre-publicity surrounding this movie and save themselves some money. I imagine security would be a nightmare, logistically and financially, and Summit may want to limit where and how Robsten are seen. And if RP and KS are doing major publicity, they can't be shooting the final movie. Thanks.
    Ann

    Dear Money Talks:
    New Moon is quadruple the size of Twilight—expect these kids to be pimped the F out for a while. And also expect lots of Taylor Lautner-Kristen Stewart pics. Maybe those in countries over still buy that she and Rob are friends, who knows!

    Dear Ted:
    Ted, I applaud you for keeping the haters away from Kristen Stewart. I have one more favor...I despise the fact the "fans" write exotic FanFic about these real live people. I feel that it is disgusting and disrespectful. Can you please hint to them that their beloved Robsten probably hide because Twi-looney's might try to decipher what their doing back at the crib. It makes me throw up in my mouth.
    Erica

    Dear Draw The Line:
    Hell hath no fury like a FanFic writer scorned—trust. Remember the Comic-Con debacle?

    Dear Ted:
    Here is a hypothetical for you: You have absolute proof regarding a huge secret—let's say engagement or marriage—between the hottest couple on the planet right now. You are asked outright if it's true, do you a) lie, b) avoid answering, c) spill it, or d) give us one of your cryptic answers?
    Pippy

    Dear Perplexed:
    e) Tell me.

    Dear Ted:
    Might want to post this one too, for the animal shelters. This isn't a question, just an online good deed, easy to do thing like the shelter site. it's geared towards kids, by a girl who's about 12 or so [saw it in People!] if you want to pass it onto site's that are oriented for kid's entertainment news.
    Nova

    Dear Slip Up:
    Even though you saw it in People, I'll let that slide and put it up anyways.

    Dear Ted:
    Do you think Kanye West and Taylor Swift incident was a set-up? I mean, MTV gotta pull something remarkable for the event, right? Something controversial, I might say. Think about Bruno - Eminem on MTV Movie Awards few months ago.
    Notsidingkanyeorswift

    Dear Don't Think So:
    I don't think Taylor Swift is a good enough actress to look that naturally stunned. 

    Dear Ted:
    I'm new to this column, and just wanted to say how much fun it is. But also a lot of the dirt is really surprising to me. I guess I am more naive than I figured. I know this is all about dirt, but I'm curious about celebs that are really nice or have it all together, no skeletons in the closet. Do they exist?
    Alison

    Dear Oxymoron:
    This might be the easiest question I've ever had to answer—no.

    Dear Ted:
    I have been reading your column for years—before E! hired you I read your column in Premiere. You have given me the gift of laughter and "oh no he didn't" moments more times than I can count. Through my own heartbreaks, disappointments, dark days, and sleepless nights, you were a bright spot in my day to look forward to. Thank you for that. I realize I don't know you, but I still feel like I do. You have had a crappy-ass year, and if you need to smoke to get through it, you smoke. You're not driving drunk, smoking crack, or stealing the spotlight at the VMA's, so tell everyone to kiss your ass. It may not feel like it today, but this, too, shall pass.
    Pamela

    Dear Lovely Gal:
    Thank you. I'm not smoking nearly what I used to, but, I do realize the fire I'm literally playing with. 

    Dear Ted:
    Any dirt on Kristen Bell? What's her story?
    Alison

    Dear Ding-Dong:
    She's not the sweetest gal who walks the carpet's...or am I getting her confused with Brittany Snow? Yep, the latter.

    Dear Ted:
    You have all but said the Jennifer Garner / Ben Affleck marriage is over except for the paperwork. They seem to be photographed more apart than together lately anyway. My question is who leaves who in this marriage? Will there be a bad guy? Will Jen's mean and wicked ways be revealed? Will some bombshell be dropped about Ben? I hope, for the sake of their children, that if this is where they are headed, its done with class, not trash.
    Annie

    Dear Good Memory:
    It will be arranged for Ben to, again, be the naughty one. My guess.

    Dear Ted:
    So sorry to hear about your break-up. I hope that things will work out for the best. But, now that you are single, maybe you can tempt Toothy your way. Since you said that Grey Goose wised up, Toothy must be lonely in his closet. Maybe you can help him open the closet door a little and push his life-force draining beard over a cliff.
    Naomi the Matchmaker

    Dear Loose Tooth:
    Please, Toothy couldn't get this!

    Dear Ted:
    Is Toothy's beard a double beard?
    Just Wondering

    Dear Double Entendre:
    Practically speaking, no, and that's not her fault.

    Dear Ted:
    Just curious but, what's been going on with Britney Spears lately? I was at the store and saw she wasn't on the cover of a tabloid!! She seems to be on the down low lately, what's she been up to?
    Lil Katie

    Dear Crazy Lurking Round Every Corner:
    Hiding her problems a lot better, I suppose.

    Dear Ted:
    I just wanted to say that you are very strong to be able to keep going when your marriage has ended. Don't worry about the smoking. You quit once, you will again. At least you didn't pick up the bottle. I am so proud of you. I wanted to say that I loved your column on Kathryn Joosten. She is a fighter and she can beat this. My grandmother is 77 & is fighting & winning. You & Kathryn are both in my prayers.
    Mandy

    Dear Sweet Thing:
    Many thanks.

    Dear Ted:
    What's the deal with Matthew McConaughey and his baby mama Camilla? They look so awkward and uncomfortable together. Their son Levi is adorable and we see them all out together enough but he never goes anywhere near her. There is no hand holding, smiling, arms around each other, nada and she's pregnant with their second child? It's just weird. What gives?
    Jar Fly 

    Dear First Love:
    Camilla just can't compete with Matthew's relaysh with his bongo.

    Dear Ted:
    My husband of 15 years called me at work to inform me he'd been having an affair and we should divorce. Six weeks later, my mother died and six weeks after that, I had to have one of my dogs put down. I, too, elected to pick up cigarettes again—I also elected to throw myself into AA recovery more intensely rather than pick up alcohol. I will celebrate 24 yrs sober on 12/21 of this year, my ex is back out and has lost everything (house, job, dignity) and, miraculously, I came out the other side better and stronger despite the horrific pain I went through. You will, too, sir.
    MacKinnon

    Dear Through the Storm:
    I'm impressed. He called you at work to say he was not only cheating but leaving you—and you didn't light him up along with one of your cigs? You are a better woman than I. Carry on, sweet soldier, and thank you.

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