Well, someone had to come to Jon Gosselin's defense.
The reality-TV dad's new divorce attorney, Mark Heller, says that he was the one who insisted that Gosselin's ex-lawyer, Charles Meyer, file a motion to withdraw as counsel on Monday.
"I am going to take over," Heller tells E! News.
And he hasn't grabbed the reins a moment too soon—despite Gosselin's statements to the contrary, the latest InTouch Weekly cover screams "Nanny Admits Affair With Jon Gosselin."
"The content of the story is shocking," Heller says. "Especially in light of the fact that a nondisclosure agreement purportedly prepared by the production company had been signed by the nanny before she started working with the Gosselin family."
Yes, that's why it's shocking.
Gosselin has denied sleeping with babysitter Stephanie Santoro, whom he fired "because [Kate Gosselin] was upset," according to his rep.
"It was causing too many problems at home, so he replaced her," the rep said, explaining away comments made by Santoro's mother that Jon was suicidal. "So maybe that's why the mother is bitter."
Heller, who apparently is raring to bust some heads, says he isn't surprised by anything the tabloids are printing these days about his client.
"Because with each story about Jon," he says, "the tabloids continue to enjoy record-breaking sales with much needed boosts to their profit line in this poor economy."
"The tabloids don't need a stimulus package from president Obama," Heller continued. "They simply need to find a storyteller each week who is out of work and can greatly benefit by being the recipient of the $100,000-plus payday for a hot story concerning Jon Gosselin—which for the most part is sensational, regardless of whether it is verifiable or true."
But what about the stuff that comes right from Kate Gosselin, including her assertion on The View this week that her estranged hubby has brought girlfriend hailey glassman to their Pennsylvania home to meet their eight kids?
"Just to clarify, Hailey has never been to my home in Pennsylvania. That has never been the case," tweeted Jon, who told Good Morning America that he despises Kate for the way she has acted since the split.
Speaking of despicable people, Jon's jilted ex-flame, Kate Major, says now that she was never in love with the 32-year-old father of eight, who denies the two were even romantically involved.
"I think I was in lust with him, but no, I didn't love him," the former Star reporter said in an interview airing Wednesday on HLN's Showbiz Tonight. "I despise him.
"I will take a lie-detector test and I would love for Jon to take a lie-detector test because for him to say there was no romance is a complete lie," Major said.
Paging Mr. Heller...
Jon & Kate Plus 8 is so not going to win an Emmy on Sunday night—but some of your other favorites might! Follow our complete coverage of the 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards right here.