HBO/ Jaimie TruebloodTed Casablanca is traveling this week and mail is being tackled by Team Awful—so try us!
Dear Awful Truth:
OK, maybe I'm being way too cynical here, but do you think the timing of Stephen Moyer's engagement to Anna Paquin has anything to do with his desire to stay relevant on True Blood, or maybe to keep Alexander Skarsgård away from Anna, with respect to their Eric and Sookie characters? I did hear that he warned Sam Trammell that he was dating Anna right before their kissing scene in season one. Thoughts?
—Curious
Dear About a Moyer:
Anna and Stephen keep it muy profesionale on that set, and I know that from a firsthand source. As for the future of that hot, fresh-baked Sookie, creator Alan Ball has already said that it may not follow the exact course of the books, which gives me cause to believe that the real-life PaqMo may have definitely had some influence on where True Blood is going.
Dear Awful Truth:
So Horace Hum-Brow is Dominic Monaghan, yes? I noticed you said the other day that if there were to be a B.V. about anyone on the Lost cast, it would be Dominic. I have met him a few times and always got a very strange vibe from him, and I also have always thought his relationship with Evangeline Lilly screamed "beard"—for both of them. Am I right?
—Convinced
Dear Evangelesbian?
Funny enough, I could totally believe it about both of them. But right now, I'm gonna hit both of those with a big ol' "denied" stamp. Sorry, boo.
Dear Awful Truth:
Rob Pattinson is extremely yummy to look at, but we must remember he is quite talented, too. Not just acting, but musically. Any chance his music will be available to the public?
—The Gooches
Dear Two-Fanged Attack:
In due time, Padawan. The cry of millions of fans will definitely not go unheard in this town.
Dear Awful Truth:
Is Horace Hum-Brow Zach Braff?
—Lauren
Dear I Don't Want No Scrubs:
Negatory. Think far less...well, just far less Zach Braff.
Dear Awful Truth:
I was thinking that maybe Judas Jack-Off is Bradley Cooper, especially after watching his latest weird dates with Jennifer Aniston and Renée Zellweger. Could it be him?
—Mchh
Dear Bradsturbation:
It could be, but nope, it's not.
Dear Awful Truth:
How can Kristen Stewart be both Twyla Babe-Sucker and Terry Tush-Trade Blind Vices as you've been insinuating lately? I thought each person was limited to only once Blind Vice. What gives?
—Corn Nugget
Dear Bella-Squared:
How can she be both? Well, I'll clear it up for you then, buddy—she's not! Oh, hey, look at that, problem solved!
Dear Awful Truth:
Michael Cera looks like a younger version of each of the Marx Brothers. Any relationship? Is he talented enough to play each one in a movie biography?
—Kanamu
Dear Did I Already See This Movie?
Are you kidding? Michael's a freakin' chameleon. As long as the Marx Brothers were unapologetically awkward, spoke only in precociously observant one-liners and communicated with an unhealthy level of sarcasm, then Michael's got it locked down, brother.
Dear Awful Truth:
Has Zac Efron or Vanessa Hudgens ever been a Blind Vice?
—Birdie
Dear Hiding Hudgens:
Nope, not yet, at least. But how long do you think that's gonna last?
Dear Awful Truth:
I totally agree with you that we need to revolt to get Rob back and let little Taylor Lautner be where he should be. But truly, why is Summit doing all this to Rob? Is there any way we can bring back Rob? I definitely am not going to buy/see any promotion stuff if Rob is not there.
—Angela
Dear Revolutionary Rob:
Don't tell Summit that. They're banking on Taylor being the new face of the franchise, for the time being at least. Makes you wonder if a boycott really could bring them to their senses.
Dear Awful Truth:
Twilight is fine, but I want to know about Joaquin Phoenix. Is he crazy, on drugs or acting? And where has he gone? Given his family history, why isn't anyone helping him?
—Lemon
Dear Joaquin's Woes:
Why else do you think we haven't heard from him in a while?
Dear Awful Truth:
Haven't seen hide nor hair of Rob and Kristen. They must have really beefed up security on the Eclipse set in Vancouver.
—Lindsay
Dear ?
What's Eclipse?
Dear Awful Truth:
I just love Leslie Mann and Judd Apatow. Is their marriage the real thing or another Hollywood sham? They actually seem happy!
—D.K.
Dear Real and Rockin':
This is one of the few gems in the Hollywood couples directory. Mann and Apatow are happily married, so keep that love coming, dude.
Dear Awful Truth:
Ted's away, so maybe if you answer this one little-bitty question he won't get sued. So, come on...who's Toothy Tile? (We won't tell Ted you told!)
—Teena
Dear We Give Up!
OK, fine, I'll give you a hint. The first letter of Toothy's real first name is the same letter that starts the middle name of his ex-girlfriend's costar's godfather's first wife who was in that movie where Abigail Breslin played a funloving but misunderstood she-werewolf. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm just giving away these Blind Vices now.
Dear Awful Truth:
Why wouldn't Summit make Breaking Dawn into two movies? They'll definitely make more money, and the fans would worship them forever ('cause when it's over, Robsten will be free). I'm sure they can work it out.
—Sandy
Dear Contradiction:
So you want Robsten free sooner, yet you want more contract time with Summit? And don't think that the ruling of a split movie is completely out yet.
Dear Awful Truth:
Is Angelina Jolie too high in the sky to even promote her movies in press junkets and talk shows? I can't recall any interviews for movies she has done! Sure, she uses her good celebrity name to promote real-world issues, but the movie world is important too! I know they have their own little United Nations at home, but Brad gets time to go on talk shows and promote his material. Wouldn't she be legally obligated to promote her work by the studios?
—Lucy
Dear Pay-Per-View:
Yes, she would be, and she is. But hasn't Angie's publicity always come from her noncontractual obligations anyway? Her movies practically sell themselves with the 24-hour media coverage she gets when she opens her mouth.
Dear Awful Truth:
I just saw Wild Child, and I absolutely fell in love with Alex Pettyfer. He is superhot! He made Rob Pattz seem ordinary! But then I watched the New Moon trailer, and I came to my senses. But seriously, he is now one of my favorite stars. I hope to see him in something else real soon!
—A.P. Fan
Dear Pattison/Pettyfer:
Well, then let's just go and IMDb this bitch, shall we?
Dear Awful Truth:
Did you ever find out that you have been totally wrong in your judgment of a celeb? And if so, did you admit it?
—Mocha
Dear of Course:
We're only human here, after all. Take that little tease Kate Gosselin, for instance. We thought that Team Jon was the place to be—until we realized that he had the emotional maturity of one of his sextuplets.
Dear Awful Truth:
What is up with the whole Nikki Reed-Elizabeth Reaser thing? They've been seen everywhere together lately! Is Nikki copying Kristen and doing the whole changing-best-friends-every-week thing!?
—Peacing Out
Dear Gal-Pals:
It's nothing more than harmless hanging out. You forget that they're secluded up there in Vancouver. And at least they're just friends and not hooking up...right?
Dear Awful Truth:
I love the Twilight movies. However, am I the only fan that thinks Taylor is actually gay and the Selena Gomez thing was just a cover-up? Not sure I'm really bitching. Just curious since I seem to be the only one I know who thinks that but I've always had a fantastic gaydar.
—Barefoot
Dear Off the Gaydar:
You are definitely not the only one who thinks so. I'll give you 100 percent certainty on that one, big guy.
Dear Awful Truth:
Nice work on the Bitch-Backs in Papa Ted's absence, Team Awful! When I emailed a few days ago to see if you'd spill extra B.V. clues while you were running the place, I had no idea I'd get to pick the B.V. How about Snort-Up and Sass-Bitch Summerland? Please and thank you!
—Polly
Dear Cluetastic:
What's Snort-Up been up to lately? I sure as hell don't know anymore...do you?
Dear Awful Truth:
Reading your Bitch-Back yesterday, I love the idea of a Robert Buckley-Austin Nichols pairing. They should start being seen around together, and One Tree Hill would break the rating records with both their out-of-this-world sexiness combined. I like that the Awful Truth team seems to support the idea, so how about creating a joint name for them so we are prepared if they ever decide to come out with the sexiest bromance? What do you suggest?
—Mimi
Dear Robert + Austin:
Um...Robstin?