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    The Best of Eric Dane's Worst Porn Pickup Lines

    Eric Dane TRB/Fame Pictures

    Poor, poor Kari Ann Peniche. While she's the least known of the blink-and-you'll-miss-it nude tape with Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart, sad little K-hon is getting the most crap for it! It just ain't fair she's being labeled a sex addict.

    But it's Grey's hottie Dane who should be the one getting slapped across the damn face. Have you heard the terrible, terrible, porn-worthy lines he spews in this thing? To wax Meredith Grey, seriously! Nothing makes us want to kick a guy out of bed more than when he leans over, kisses us tenderly and blurts out a gem like, "You're a great hang."

    Are you kidding?

    And that's not the worst of it. There are other orgasmtastic lines that would make even Jenna Jameson cringe...

    Next time you see two pretty honeys in the street, why not whip out a line like, "You two are the best-looking girls this side of Mulholland." Not unless you're trying to pick up barely legal socialites at some rich bitch's friggin' sweet 16.

    Or if you're really looking to compliment your wife's au naturel friend, tell her, "If I see you on the street, I'd say, 'That's one of Rebecca's friends.' "

    And of course, we all know the way to a girl's heart is to caress her shoulder while lying in bed and ask her sensually, "Do you like the Cowboys?"

    Real slick, McSteamy, real slick.

    More gems like that will surely woo the ladies out of the bathtub and into your no-doubt far-underutilized bed. Especially if you start going by your porno name...in Dane's case, Cocaine Manor. Wow. What a class act.

    On top of all that, nobody's really called out how weird it is that a married man with certain notoriety like Eric would spend an evening filming a naked woman in a bathtub with his wife—it's outrageous to blame this all on the poor, pathetic least famous of them all, and so predictable of misogynistic Hollywood.

    Who do we call here—are there porno police who can come arrest this man and sentence him to a lifetime in cheap '70s porn prison?

    —Additional reporting by Marc Snetiker

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