Alexander Tamargo/Getty Images
Alexander Tamargo/Getty Images
Welcome to Real Housewife of New York City Bethenny Frankel's exclusive blog about The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Bethenny is blogging for E! Online every week, dishing about the craziness that goes down on the new season. Here's her latest Atlanta installment for episode two.
Take it away, Bethenny...
Can we please talk about Kim's Dolly Parton bustin' boobs? They are fantastic. I particularly like how before each of her scenes there is a quick bling montage just to illustrate who we are going to see.
There is something so fascinating about her "I don't give an F," cigarette smoking, bling toting, breasts popping and wig-weaving that is utterly entertaining. Does she have some inflation tool that she uses before she shoots those interview scenes? Because those puppies range from double Ds to Zs.
The other girls detest her (à la Jersey's Danielle) fashion, but here's the news flash: There ain't no Atlanta show without that Kim ho. Also, her wig wasn't quite as atrocious last night. I actually secretly liked her stylist (in and of itself, which is hilarious). Who the hell needs a stylist? They have two events a year in Atlanta and we have seen them both on TV. I visited Nene last year and she herself said, "Honey, there's not that much going on in this town."
Also, can we raucously laugh out loud that Kim has an assistant? Why?! Does she operate the crane to jam that rack into those dresses? This stuff is fab.
Now onto Sheree and her Reno 911 gun-toting moment. What, is she Tupac now? Is she contemplating having a gun in the house with children? Was she really wearing that black leather sausage casing disguised as pants? Sheree, my dear, I'm boo and I'm now checking you. Wear sweats or jeans to the shooting range...for you, for me, for everyone.
Nene and Kim at Cinco's: These are the broads you love. Nene, like myself, loves herself a margarita. She loved it so much, she has a side order of strawberry margie for hers. I get that Kim is most certainly pathological, but she really doesn't give a crap. "Don't mess with my fake boobs," was it that she said? Isn't it terrible that scenes with enemies like she and Kim (or me and Kelly) are the amusing ones?
Lisa is sweet, but if the whole show were her, you'd be watching the Snuggie infomercial on another channel. She and Ed are cute, and in love, and did the now Bravo-obligatory late-30s fertility doctor Housewives scene. I'm sure I'll be there next season. Ed's comment about his soldiers ready for battle was cute. Moving on...
Also, when did the She-Nene love fest begin? Weren't Kim and Sheree lesbian lovers last season, professing their mutual beauty admiration for one another? These girls swing fast. I shouldn't talk. Who knows what we've got coming next season. Friendships change like the weather on Bravo.
I liked the cute rose petal scene from The Bachelor with Ed and Lisa until it got a little bit too Barry White. You had me at spring salad. I was jealous at the homemade vinaigrette and strawberries. The massage was a little bit TMI, especially with an eight-person camera crew standing by. He's a fantastic husband, though. They are really in love, are a great couple and great addition to the show. They're lucky in love.
Kandi's situation seems sticky. Four baby mammas?! That's a road map for disaster and something to tread very lightly. Ouch. I loved her song, though. Finally, we can hear some good music on Bravo. They don't own the rights to anything, which is why the elevator music is what you hear at a club and why you can hear Kanye on MTV's The Hills. Kandi is obviously giving the rights. Psyched for that hit.
Now to the best, which, of course, was the last scene. Did Nene actually say "we're socialites" when expressing that she would have known that psycho wedding planner if he was anyone? Please say it isn't so. Do you want to shoot yourself over the words classy or socialite? Kim swearing on her kids' lives under any circumstances was a bit extreme and she will get the most insane hate mail for that, ever. That said, she is insane. But each and every one of those broads has ripped each and every other one. Let's just call it a draw.
Sheree is straight hood now, dashing outside to kick some blond bimbo ass. Does everyone think she actually got the wig off? We should take bets.
Until next time...
Bethenny Frankel is the inventor of the Skinnygirl Margarita and author of the New York Times best-seller Naturally Thin. The Skinnygirl Margarita is available in stores nationwide or at www.SkinnygirlCocktails.com. For more, please visit www.bethenny.com and follow Bethenny on Twitter: twitter.com/bethenny.