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    Tell-All Dishes Dumb-Ass Dubya & Jessica Dirt

    Jessica Simpson, George Bush Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com, Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com

    Another day, another memoir, right? After George W. Bush left office, that seems to be the theme of the ex-employees of his administration. The newest juicy tell-all, Speech-Less: Tales of a White House Survivor comes from former speechwriter Matt Latimer and recounts all the dirty-dirty of the hilarious (we're told) chaos surrounding Bush's time in office.

    And guess who's getting a mention in the book? Yours truly!

    It comes on very good authority that your very own Teddy C is totally name-dropped at some point in the manuscript. Of course, it's got to be something tacky. Could it be my mention of Laura moving out of the White House? Or all my blabbing about Dubya's drinking habits? Or what an idiot I am to continue to give this elected Bozo more press in the first place? Who knows what this ex-Bushie has to say about the Awful Truth?

    Well, we're not too sure where we fall in the pages, but here's something juicy from the memoir that we can share with all of you lovely readers…

    One of our fave anecdotes from the book tells us that Jessica Simpson had just finished a USO show (back when she was waaay more popular than she is now), and the President was giving a short speech to thank the USO staff for their hard work and wanted to make a mention about Jess. Something like, the surge in Iraq was working because J had just visited the troops?

    Well, the standard line of quasi-funny political humor was debated for two entire days by high-ranking administration officials at all levels of the White House. Should Jessica be mentioned? Did she really have a statistical bearing on the success of the surge and increased troop deployment? Etc., etc., etc. all around for a good 48 hours while the speech was being approved, all about Princess Jess!

    Meanwhile, Dubya thought it was funny and knew the USO staff would adore it, so he kept it in anyway, drew some big laughs, and it ended up being the Washington Post's "Quote of the Week" and the only part of the speech to get any positive attention from the media.

    Makes you wonder, doesn't it? Not only of a time when Jess was actually beloved, but of a pre-Obama period of wasted arguing and pointless debate. What else did Dubya's posse blow off their time on? Def not the economy, kiddies.

    And, clearly, this is the booze-centric book Hollywood should have made into a movie, not that wimpy-ass, unapologetic, pathetic misfire from Oliver Stone. And we know just the guy to direct a new version: Todd Phillips.

    Never heard of him? He's the one who directed Road Trip, Old School, and… oh, that's right… The Hangover. He practically hires himself!

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