Before you tell us to beat it, we're not joking. This is a cross-our-hearts honest tale involving the singer, his singed hair and a scheming, enterprising former pal.
The story starts with Jackson's flammable 1984 Pepsi commercial. As anyone who's seen the footage knows, the spot's executive producer, Ralph Cohen, threw his Armani jacket over Jackson's head to help smother the flames.
But after aiding his pal, Cohen gathered up some of Jackson's charred tresses. After going on the auction block, the hair eventually wound up in the hands of a collector, who has teamed with a company called LifeGem to sell "diamonds" made from the fried follicles.
And while we don't have to fear people trying to clone their very own Jackos Jurassic Park-style, the prospect of M.J. DNA-tinged diamonds still gives us the heebies.
Who knows, the way Michael Jackson embraced weirdness, he might have added a LifeGem to the rest of his motley collection.