Amy Poehler

AP Photo/Richard Drew

Thank God the Emmys nominated a handful of funny people who know how to make a statement: Julia-Louis Dreyfus is "really looking forward to kicking Tina Fey's ass!" Amy Poehler is "pumped for some high-octane, heart-thumping, hard-core Emmy action!"

But these funny, fitting statements stand alone among incredibly bland reactions. What's with getting all droll when awards season starts—will a personality make people think they aren't taking it seriously? Please.

We consider it our duty to rewrite some of these yawn-worthy reactions, take a peek:

• Jane Krakowski, Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series, 30 Rock

What She Said: "I'm so honored to be part of this ensemble. This is my first Emmy nomination; I'm so excited! I am blown away by the number of nominations the show has received and thrilled for everyone."

What She Should've Said: "I already have a friggin' Tony, this is way overdue since Calista stole my thunder on Ally McBeal."

Alec Baldwin, Best Actor in a Comedy Series, 30 Rock

What He Said: "I'm thrilled for everyone connected to the show. It's great working with the entire group, and I'm grateful for the recognition of our work."

What He Should've Said: "[Laughs uproariously] Duh."

Seth MacFarlane, Best Comedy Series for Family Guy

What He Said: "We're thrilled to see Family Guy and American Dad recognized by the Academy. We have a great team of people that work incredibly hard on both shows. I'm really proud of them."

What He Should've Said: "Screw you, Simpsons! How long have you been on the air, two decades? We got canceled twice and still got the Best Comedy Emmy nom you never did! Ha!"

Glenn Close, Best Actress in a Drama, Damages

What She Said: "I'm thrilled. I'm part of a phenomenal team and am so, so happy for all our nominees."

What She Should've Said: "Uh, did you guys just copy and paste the exact same list of nominees from last year? You can't fool me by adding in Elisabeth Moss! I'm Glenn Close! I know all!"

Kevin Dillon, Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series, Entourage

What He Said: "I am so glad to be part of such a great show! I share this nomination with my fellow actors and am honored to be working with the best cast and crew in town."

What He Should've Said: "It's great to be nominated again with my costar Jeremy Piven. Oh wait, he wasn't nominated this year? Even though he won the past three years in a row? It couldn't be because he pissed off everyone in Hollywood could it?"

Tina Fey, Best Actress in a Comedy Series, 30 Rock

What She Said: Nothing yet. Out of character for her to be so silent!

What She Should've Said: "You're going down, Dreyfus!"

—Additional reporting by Becky Bain


See who else got some Emmy love in our Notable Nominees gallery.

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