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    Jerry Seinfeld Cracks on Marriage and Voice Mail

    Jessica Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld Jemel Countess/WireImage.com

    Jerry Seinfeld is opening up about his marriage.

    OK, not exactly.

    But he was crackin' some funny ones last night when he performed a 20-minute set at the Palm Pre phone launch event at Raleigh Studios in Hollywood.

    Read on for some of the highlights...

    "Being married is like being on a game show and you're always in the lightning round," he said. "I have a podium in my living room, and in the morning I hit the clicker button: 'I'll take Movies That I Think We Saw Together for 200.' "

    "The woman," he continued, "is always the returning champion from last week: 'I'll take Details of a 10-Minute Conversation We Had at 3 in the Morning Eight Years Ago...' "

    Since the party celebrated the launch of a new phone, Seinfeld shared plenty of observations. "It's sad," he said about voice mail. "There are people on phones [and] phone machines still telling you to leave your name and number.

    "Are those necessary instructions?" he asked. "Is anyone getting messages like, 'This is a woman. Good-bye'?"

    And then there's the beep: "I know people who are still telling you to wait for the beep," Seinfeld griped. "It's the 21st goddamn century—I think we're all up to speed on the beep!"

    ________

    Get More Marc on Twitter @marcmalkin

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