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Real Housewives of N.Y.'s Bethenny Frankel Blogs About Real Housewives of New Jersey: Week One

Bethenny Frankel Bravo Photo: Andrew Eccles

Welcome to The Real Housewives of New York's Bethenny Frankel's first blog about The Real Housewives of New Jersey, which debuted last night on Bravo. Bethenny will be blogging exclusively for E! Online every Wednesday after the show, dishing about the craziness that goes down with these Jersey girls each week.

Take it away Bethenny...

________________

Holy bridge and tunnel!

Well, I predicted this show was going to be "White-lanta" and, well, I was right. These broads are out for blood.

I'm always so biting with my tongue, but this time I fear they may take a hit out on me.

Boo-bies and its odd pronunciation are a major theme throughout this suburban mess. Small ones, ones too big for tennis, ones bigger than one's heart: boobies, boobies, boobies.

So let's dive in...

Teresa seems simple and sweet from the start. She's a flat-chested amateur stage mother with a "built," "gorgeous" husband in construction. Perfect. Let the clichés begin. Her daughter is beautiful and adorable. Over $100K on that horrific furniture? What would Jill Zarin say?

She uses the word "skeeve" to mean something that grosses her out and uses the example of having to live in someone else's house. Look out for this word again. The Italian people I know who work in construction use it as well.

I actually think Dina is very pretty and very attractive. She has a cuteness to her. Daughter Lexi also seems quirky and interesting. We hear Dina talk about her never-present husband of three years. Here's a theme reminiscent of my Countess/Count days. Also, Dina is a cat person, and I oddly like that she has that bizarre looking feline. Her decor is something for the books. More is more in Jersey, that's for sure: hair, nails, cars and over-the-top gaudy furniture. Got it. For the record, my apartment is one bedroom and does have some items from Ikea, so take your hits now. This pot likes to call the kettle black.

I love Caroline and, oh yes, she is a throwback. She will be the sure favorite. Everyone likes old school, especially the Bravo viewer who isn't familiar with this Italian, family-style way of living. I practically grew up at Aqueduct Racetrack, so I'm more comfortable with this gaggle of girls. Move me in with Caroline tomorrow and I will be as thick as thieves with them as well. The lingo, the houses, the Brownstone, the whole thing. I get it. I've seen it and it is real. All we want is real, and on Bravo, honesty is the best policy.

We love that Caroline would kill for her family before herself. She lacks that narcissism that all the other Housewives on other casts possess. I love her daughter, the "bride bitch," her son the lawyer and even the strip club car washer for the time being. I love that sisters are married to brothers, and I know that these broads like to eat.

I also agree that being street smart is more valuable. That's convenient because I don't think we're getting much book smarts on this show except for the lawyer going to Fordham.

Jacqueline from Vegas (what was her prior profession, by the way?) is sweet and simple and also lives for her kids. I'm not sure why anyone was surprised that she doesn't play tennis except for that big rack-et of hers. I loved those cute balloon cupcakes for the birthday party. Her daughter, Ashley, seems spoiled but nice too. Major theme: family.

And now for the hottest mess since one of Christian Siriano's victims: Danielle. WTF? Um, embrace your age. I'm embarrassed that at 30 I had a belly ring, but this is past pushing it. No one light a match near this one. Can you say cougar? Twenty engagements? She's me on steroids. So you had a black Amex before Madonna? How does one get this information? How do I even begin with this tragic human being? I'll give her this: She is being herself and the viewers will be drawn to her like flies to sticky paper. People watch trainwrecks, and my dear, we have a winner. People are going to kill me, but this girl is the poor man's LuAnn.

The most tragic moment in the land of tragic was the "Gucci model" stand-up scene. How could she set herself up for that? You know he saw those cameras and ran. I also know that those friends of hers were close by and that was no surprise. It felt very staged. Wealthymen.com? Well, let's get down to it. She is a beating!

I liked the party for Caroline's son, and I loved when Dina said "always be your husband's girlfriend" or he'll get a girlfriend.

The show is entertaining, and like The Real Housewives of New York City, it's embarrassing. It seemed a bit like Atlanta, and I became a slight bit bored and think the notes will be very similar to other casts. However, that trailer of episodes to come is what will keep us coming back for more. Let's hope it lives up to its coming attractions.

Check back here, same time, same place, for a recap of next week's The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Bethenny Frankel is the author of the New York Times Best Seller Naturally Thin, available everywhere books are sold. Information, updates, and recipes can be found at www.bethenny.com and www.skinnygirlcocktails.com.

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