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    Bitch-Back! Beyoncé and New Moon Overload

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    Beyonce Knowles
    Beyonce Knowles Michael Yada/ABC

    Dear Ted:
    I'm tired of seeing Beyoncé in all those lame commercials. Two questions: Is she really that effective as a pitch person, and if she thought the commercial was idiotic could she refuse to shoot until they developed a better campaign?

    Dear Overexposed:
    This be-yotch made $80 million last year! I think she could refuse if she wanted to. Also, I think she's fab. We need more divas who actually have talent in this Biz, not less.

    Dear Ted:
    You're an idiot! Bon Jovi irrelevant? Hardly. The greatest rock 'n' roll band in history continues to appeal to the masses. Great dudes, great music, everything is awesome. Look, someone has to protect their brand and their name. This was not a stupid move. Now why don't you go ahead and blow your karaoke machine.

    Dear Richie:
    The greatest rock 'n' roll band in history? What are you smoking?

    Dear Ted:
    How much do I detest the Twilight cast gossip that you insist on gagging us with in heaping spoonfuls? Please stop wasting our time on those poseurs and stick to the Blind Vices that you do so well. Now, Usher is Oded Good-Head, right?

    Dear Love of the Head:
    Sorry, wrong as your opinion of the Twilight madness, babe. But you're pretty damn close.

    Dear Ted:
    Lindsay Lohan
    . Her mom is a loser. We all know that by now. What kind of an ass allows their 15-year-old daughter to go out to Hollywood to console her older sister? She should be at home in school. But...Sam Ronson? Now we're talking pond scum. Do she and her family really think that the general public doesn't know that Sam was using Lindsay to get publicity? Michael Lohan is a dufus, but I think he was right about Sam all along.
    Miss P, Boston

    Dear Eye to Eye:
    Call me crazy, but I so don't see Sam as that bad an influence here. There have been far worse hangers-on in this town, for example, anyone who was ever befriended by Brandon Davis.

    Dear Ted:
    About your Twilight business, I'd like to contribute although I cannot confirm any of these things—this is what I've been hearing. Maybe you can run it by your sources? So basically what I'm hearing is that Nikki Reed has befriended the main paparazzi that works for CTV (who gives all of his stuff to Lainey). In exchange for gossip/photo ops/times and places to get photos the paparazzi only takes positive photos and says good things about Nikki. So this Nikki and Rob rumor? Most likely started by Nikki herself.

    Dear Not Buying It:
    You're not the first to spill about this, trust.

    Dear Ted:
    You really know how to create a riot on certain sites with your cryptic Toothy comments. Here is my guess: Are Toothy Tile and Grey Goose Supernatural boys Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles?

    Dear Decoder:
    You've got the wrong boys, sorry babe. Think slightly less supposedly angelic, but just slightly.

    Dear Ted:
    Is this crazy stuff happening at Britney's concert (like the mic on, her flipping the bird, inappropriate comments, etc.) her way of trying to piss off daddy for getting her in a cage (literally!), or is this an example that her mental health is just bad?

    Dear Shove It, Pops:
    I think you're warmer with your first guess. Much.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm tired of hearing about Robert Pattinson, give us some more scoop on his other castmates. Like who Jackson Rathbone is "banging"?

    Dear Vampiress:
    Not sure if he's succeeded yet, but he's got his eye on one of the Cullens, that's for sure.

    Dear Ted:
    This is a serious question so I expect a serious answer. You yourself have said that Toothy is firmly cemented in the closet. I also think that all hope is gone and that Toothy will never come out. So why do you keep the Toothy Tile saga alive? Is it that you're afraid you will lose too many readers or a more personal reason? I would love to hear an honest answer.
    A heartbroken Toothy fan

    Dear Tears for Tooth:
    Because Toothy's decided this is far from over, not I, trust.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Judas Jack-off's main gig outside of Hollywood? And if you are going to continue to tell tales about JJO and his BF, I think the BF needs one of your fabulous nicknames. Also, is said BF in the acting biz?

    Dear Introducing…:
    We will be hearing more about Dashed Dingle-Dream quite soon, promise.

    Dear Ted:
    I've been on vacation with no access to the Internet and I really needed my Ted fix. Now that the Mel Gibson divorce is public, is he Grey Goose?

    Dear Det. Demented:
    How much tequila did you have on that trip?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Judas Jack-Off Zac Efron? Clues please. He and V.H. seem totally set up.
    Curious Cootch

    Dear High School Drama:
    Zac's not Judas, but duh on the convenient fauxmance there.

    Dear Ted:
    I saw Twilight and frankly I was disappointed. Give me Interview With a Vampire anytime. It has a real story with real fleshed-out characters. While the vampire Pattinson is appealing, the real-life Rob always looks dirty and high. Give me pretty, delicate Orlando Bloom any day! Keep it real, Ted.

    Dear Who Would You Rather:
    Young Tom Cruise, or real-life Rob?

    Dear Ted:
    What's the deal with this "emergency meeting" Rob and Kristen's "people" are having? Is this a bunch of BS? Some are questioning that it involves more money for the two or something of that nature. I don't get what could really be so emergent.

    Dear Quick Fix:
    Money is worked out before a film starts shooting. This screams of a much more urgent and private matter.

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