Are naked men the hot new trend? Hope so, since we've been bitching about it forever. First Daniel Radcliffe bared his potter onstage for Equus, and now there's even full-frontal male nudity in a just-released chapter to video game Grand Theft Auto IV. Great, so our options are a barely legal Harry Potter or animated gangsters?
Still, those are more mouthwatering choices than the one guy who's willing to go balls-out on the big-screen:
Billy Crudup lets it all hang free as the totally blue and nude Dr. Manhattan in über-hyped-up superhero flick Watchmen. The comic-book movie's certainly got the cojones to show every bit of Billy's private parts, even if they are glowing cobalt blue. But seriously, are you telling us the only hunk of meat we get to see belongs to the schmuck who left poor superpregnant Mary-Louise Parker for Claire Danes? Who wants to see the sex stick that stupidly seduced Claire and stuck MLP as a single mom? No thanks!
So, how long before a true H'wood hunk isn't afraid to take it off? Where's Missouri-born beefsteak Brad Pitt's package (and yes, he ditched Jen just like Billy did Mary Louise, but that's a crime we're prepared to live with)? Hairy Down Undah darling Hugh Jackman's dangling doll? Hell, even Johnny Depp? Marisa Tomei and Kate Winslet can flash every nook and cranny of their bods and get nominated for Oscars, while A-list men only go as far as exposing their waxed chests. We're not being horny, we're being fair.
How about Robert Pattinson goin' buff in Twilight sequel New Moon? You all made very clear your desire for a naked RPatz, and some full-frontal vampire nudity would gladly distract us from the teenage melodrama. We hear Robbie's up for it—just like he's up for anything.
—Additional reporting by Becky Bain