You've got the basics covered. They give out awards, this year on Sept. 16. TV stars show up wearing fancy threads. You watch the celebrities thank each other for three hours, and wonder why you did that, and then watch it all again next year.
What you don't know about the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards, however, might kill you. So, in the interest of your safety, we've gathered up the most useful news about this year's awards show. Dig...
NBC Universal Photo: Dana Edelson
1. E!'s own Ryan Seacrest is hosting. We're sure the continued ratings slide for the Emmys (16.2 million viewers last year, when Conan O'Brien hosted) has nothing to do with the decision to hire the host of American Idol, which routinely pulls in, like, twice that.
2. Justin Timberlake may or may not be cutting a hole in a box and then sticking his junk in that box.
3. The Sopranos is set to make a killing. The mob family already has 18 Emmys, is up for 15 more and doesn't exactly suck. Also neck-deep in nominations is Ugly Betty.
4. Lost totally gets the shaft.
5. This year, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences totally switched up how their members vote for and chose the—oh, wait. Boring.
6. Earlier this summer, at the 34th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards, Bob Barker won his 19th Outstanding Game Show Host Emmy.
7. Heroes' Ali Larter is doing her own hair.
8. This year's ceremony and broadcast promise to be all eco-friendly and stuff. They're using recylables for invites, tickets, posters, hauling in alterna-fuel generators and pimping hybrid rides. Leonardo DiCaprio will be shuttling stars to the carpet on a rickshaw. Okay, not really. There was talk of a "green carpet," though that was nixed for the traditional red carpet because, well, green carpets are lame.