Dr. Darcy Sterling
Dr. Darcy Sterling is dishing some major advice on love and parenting.
The Famously Single relationship expert is offering insight into those couples who have found they work better as co-parents, like Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. In many situations, couples have been on and off for many years, but in the end they find their relationship works better if they remain best friends rather than romantic partners.
So why does this happen and how do those couples make the best of the situation for their kids?
Take a look at the interview below to see Dr. Darcy answer those questions and so much more!
Q: Why do you think that some people/couples work better as co-parents than they do as romantic partners?
A: It's actually a great question. I think that both partners and co-parents need to have shared values to be successful. They need to agree on what's important in life. When people can't agree on what's important in life or what parts of their lives they're going to prioritize, they end up losing the relationship. And sadly, sometimes it takes losing a relationship for partners to rethink their priorities.
In order for two people to be successful co-parents, they need to prioritize the children's needs above their own. It's not about the needs of the adults anymore -the kids need to come first. Successful co-parents understand this. Before they speak or act or make decisions, they ask themselves, "Does this serve the kids?" and if the answer is no, they make a different choice.
Q: What kind of advantages can come from choosing someone as your co-parent before you choose your partner?
A: I think one of the most important things a person can do is evaluate their significant other as a potential co-parent before they make a long term commitment – and ideally before they have children together. You need to make sure you have the same parenting philosophies. What kind of child do you hope to raise? What are the most important values you'd like your child to have? When my wife and I were about to get engaged, we spoke about what kind of student we expected any future children to be. I told her I was 100% fine with C's from my kids - for me, it was more important that they were happy, well-rounded and good people. My wife thought it was crazy not to expect A's and B's from a kid, so we negotiated until we found a compromise.
Q: What is your advice for navigating dating while you still have a relationship with your ex?
A: Don't talk about your ex to the person you're dating – or vice versa. Neither of them needs to know about the other until or unless the new relationship looks like it's becoming permanent. Use your friends to vent.
Q: What guidelines should people follow when introducing new boyfriends/girlfriends to their children/co-parents?
A: Your kids don't need to meet every person you date. It's hard for them to attach and then lose someone special in their lives. So unless you're ready to get remarried, move in together, or whatever your equivalent of that is, don't introduce your partners to your kids.