Dear Ted:
So, what is the real scoop with Milo Ventimiglia and Hayden Panettiere? Somehow I just can't grasp the idea of 30-year-old Milo being into 18-year-old Hayden.
Jocelyn
Shippensburg, Pennsylvania
Dear May-December Disbeliever:
What’s so hard to swallow? They spend tons of time together on the set of Heroes, and they’re both diminutive yet doable stars on the rise. We’re in the mood, already, just thinkin’ about it! Plus, if H 'n' M hook up, they get twice the headlines. Makes perf sense.
Dear Ted:
Based on centrical patterns in the Hollywood dating pool, I suspect there is a network of go-to gals who pose as girlfriends to protect the hetero vibe of all those hot gay actors. So, if one guy finally comes out, will it cause a domino effect of unwitting exposés? And what percentage of the girls are gay themselves? Thanks much—this keeps me up at night.
Anne
Bridgehampton, New York
Dear Beardwatch:
Ask Anne Heche and get back to us, why don’t you?
Dear Ted:
What's up with your boyfriend Clooney? It seems lately, everything pisses him off and he's yelling or giving the finger. He has a hot, young girlfriend, his career is going well and he seems back at his peak, healthwise. Why is he so pissed off, and why haven't you talked about his latest ride? (And no, I don't mean the bike.)
Molly
Chicago
Dear Cheer Up, Clooney:
George has one diva dust-up with Fabio, and suddenly he’s Oscar the Grouch? George is usually in a good mood and quite charming with the press peeps, g-friend. Maybe it was that time of the month or somethin’?
Dear Ted:
Regarding Orlando Bloom: How is it possible for one actor to be linked to so many actresses and models, Ted? Are they behind the PR, or is he? And whatever happened to the "athletic type" you said Orlando was "entranced" by in September '06? Was it over before it even began? You mentioned that right after Orlando and Kate broke up.
Kathy
Los Angeles
Dear Fruit of the Bloom:
Nope, he did plenty of sweatin’ back then, post-Katie bustup. And just 'cause Orly doesn’t shiver your timbers doesn’t mean he’s not a hot commodity among the chicas. Although he doesn’t seem to be keeping Miranda Kerr’s attention so well, as she was recently spotted with Brandon Davis. Downgrade!
Dear Ted:
I must say, I’m very disappointed in the most recent Blind Vice. That is just common knowledge. I expected you would have at least revealed one of Toothy Tile's undercover friends and not put The Rock in there again. I am finding out more from other sites...what's up with that? At least the previous two Blind Vices were still juicy, even if they were on the "yuck" side.
Tami
Montreal, Quebec
Dear Teri:
Sometimes the “And It Ain’ts” are a whole 'nother Blind riddle, my bitchy sweet. Think about it.
Dear Ted:
I speak for the masses when I say: Enough of Heidi Klum! All of a sudden she is everywhere, and, while I have nothing against her...snoozefest! Let's bring on Adriana Lima.
Amy
Chicago
Dear Hatin' on Heidi:
Keep dreamin', g-friend! We love us some Heidi Klum, and we’ll take her talking about Seal’s package and making fun of Britney over Adriana’s “I’m a virgin” spiel any day.
Dear Ted:
I'd love to know what you know about the Keith Urban-Nicole Kidman partnership.
Kathleen
Vancouver, British Columbia
Dear Tom Cruise:
We think she’s eons happier with him than she ever was with you, buster. Sorry.
Dear Ted:
I wonder how much longer it will be before Ms. Spears hires a nanny to assist her when she has visitation with the boys? The nanny could provide transportation and assist when the children have their overnight stay with their mother.
Gwendolyn
Louisville, Kentucky
Dear Nanny 911:
Britney prolly thinks she already has one: her court-appointed monitor.
Dear Ted:
It seems the Reese and Ryan split was all Ryan being the bad boy and Reese struggling to hold on. What is your take on that assumption? Was he really moving on way before the Oscars, and cajoled into playing happy family for the cameras? That is what my buddy from BU who is friends with a friend of R.P. says. He tells us R.W. is the most ambitious, coldhearted little witch going. What do you think about the real cause of their split?
Nolan
Boston
Dear More Than Meets the Sly:
Well, Reese didn’t get the Little Miss Type A nickname for nothing. We think there were cracks in their marriage long before they started showing at the Oscars, but we’re certain Ryan’s overt va-va-vooming sealed the divorce deal.
Dear Ted:
Dorrell Sausage from One Unprepared Blind Vice is Lorenzo Lamas (ugh).
Wench66
Toronto, Ontario
Dear Sausage Snooper:
You’ve got the wrong dude...think much younger.
Dear Ted:
You were great on Showbiz Tonight with A.J. Hammer about Britney. I think she's so addicted to attention, as well as whatever medication she's on, she needs Natalie Cole's mom to step in and file guardianship papers on her.
Dean
Washington, D.C.
Dear Dollface:
Uh, thanks, babe-poo, but how the hell do you think B.S. got into this hell in the first place? With her mama. It’s time for the bitchin’ broad to stop blaming/utilizing/being enabled by mothers altogether.
Is Seymour Plow-Me More from One Slippery Grope Blind Vice Richard Gere?
Leslie
New York, New York
Dear Gunnin' for Gere:
No, whatever makes you think that, doll-cup? Oh, and think far less doable, please.
Dear Ted:
Why does it seem like you're looking for problems re Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell's sad state after their pet adoption? If I adopted a puppy in good faith, and it ended up terminally ill and (from the sounds of it) had to be put down, I know I wouldn't be chomping at the bit to call the agency I got it from to share the news...contract or no.
M.J.
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Dear Doggie Bagged:
If Becky and Jerry chose not to foot the pricey vet bills for the poor pup's über-expensive treatment, they should have offered to return the dog to the rescue group before putting him down—seven days after adopting him. That’s all we’re saying.
Dear Ted:
After a friend of mine ran a marathon, some of her toenails fell off. Can you imagine the pain Katie was in when Tom dragged her to his premiere? Selfish little creep! Of course, I guess she's contractually obligated to be there, and she did put on a happy face. Good employees are hard to find.
Nunya
Atlanta
Dear Sore Piggies:
Maybe she decided to wear her heels that night to get back at him and be taller in the pics?