Who's Orlando Bloom attempting to be clandestine with this time; plus, Eva Longoria shows us why she's the picketer with the mostest, and Angelina Jolie, please, don't phone home, it's a trap, we're sure of it!
Victoria Beckham

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‘Tis the season to be scantily clad. Victoria’s Secret had its fashion show Wednesday night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. It was thrilling. Victoria Beckham was there; she hadn’t eaten since Tom Cruise had a hit movie, so she thought she looked so ta-riff. Indeed, most other Spice Girls looked lovely while lip syncing. Heidi strutted supreme and even did that duet with Seal we gabbed about a few weeks ago. A semisalty slew of celebs were front row, including Eva Longoria, Neil Patrick Harris and Hayden Panettiere. Relegated to the second row, directly behind Hayden, was none other than Jeremy Piven. He didn’t seem to mind though, as he was way chatty with Hayden before and during the undies display. The two demi-types were talking and laughing and mucho flirting together in their respective seats. Perhaps Piven heard Hayden supposedly likes her men older? Down, boy! She’s, uh, taken, in case you don’t read this missive, and we know you do...
Orlando Bloom, Miranda Kerr

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Getting his grab on at the after-do was Orlando Bloom. He skipped the actual show, but nonetheless found time to paw Aussie model Miranda Kerr inside the Kodak’s ballroom. The two cutie-hons looked very couple-esque, very ready for a prime-placed mention in People, as they canoodled and danced together. Wanting not to be seen, they were not. Why’s that, babes? Also spotted lookin’ cozy at the same soiree: Gabrielle Union and Hill Harper, sharing a table together. Okay, much more Victoria’s Secret goss comin' atcha this week, but for now, back to Eva. Sorry, we insist.
Eva Longoria

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How’s Eva L. spending Desperate Housewives' downtime since Wisteria Lane was shuttered because of the WGA strike? By throwing a party, natch! Eva hosted a bash at Beso, her new restaurant-club venture here in H'wood, to celebrate Samsung’s BlackJack II, a new PDA/phone gadget.  

Not only is Eva playing hostess hotness, she’s also shopping out the wazoo these days for her currently unemployed worker bees. "We got everybody in our crew a turkey for Thanksgiving," Eva enthused. "And I know that's not a lot, but it's a gesture that we're going to get through this. Let’s hope this only lasts through the holiday season and hope they can start talks again and put an end to this."

Tony Parker

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Amen to that, sister. Stuffing for solidarity, adore it. And what’s Eva most thankful for this year? “Definitely my new marriage,” she told us of her new hub-unit, Mr. Parker. “I’m really lucky that I got to find someone like Tony, who’s putting up with me.”
Teri Hatcher

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Howev, Tony-doll wasn’t having to cope at all with his spitfire spouse this par-tick night, as E.L. hit the carpet solo. Maybe he had a basketball game? We’re not sure where Eva’s Desperate costars were, either. No Teri, Felicity or Marcia to be seen at the soiree. Interesting. Instead, the random guest list included envelope-openin' aficionado Jon Voight and the girls from The Hills.
Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson

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Inside, Eva noshed on crabcakes, bacon-wrapped prawns and steak skewers—love to know the little broad actually eats, don’t you? Although Samantha Ronson was deejaying (and had nothing to say when asked how BFF Lindsay Lohan was doing), the vibe inside was only a little lacking. Things picked up a bit when Sam-love introduced her brother, Mark, who was performing with his band.
Britney Spears

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“Can we make some f--king noise for my brother?” she implored the crowd before bringing her sibling onstage. Such a class act, that Samantha. We’re sure Sammy is as stellar ‘n’ squeaky clean as her recent legal retaliation implies. Oh, and Mark finally got the masses moving when he busted out some Britney and performed a funky version of “Toxic.” Funny that no matter how far Brit falls, her music can still get the party started. And folks say the bitch can do nothing right these days.
Shawn Pyfrom

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Regarding blowing, in general, and horns, specifically, Eva also blabbed she and Tony are textually and technologically active. “We do the iChat, we do texting, we do video, we send pictures to each other,” Eva told our own Hollywood Party Girl at the Samsung soiree. So, what do other Tinseltown celebs think about texting their cold hearts out?

Apparently, the consensus is that asking someone out via text message is lame. “I think it’s a little tacky,” Shawn Pyfrom told us last week at the Motorola party. “I’ll text my friends, but I won’t ask a girl out on text.”

Audrina Patridge

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Audrina Patridge sees one upside to asking someone on a date, digitally. “I think it’s easy, because you’re not on the phone,” she considered. “So, if they want to say no, they just don’t respond.” We wondered if that’s how she gives her suitors the e-diss. “I’ve never been asked out on text,” she swore. Okay.
Jonathan Schaech

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Well, what about drinking and dialing? We all know (and I used to know) how dangerous it can be to call up an ex or a crush when you’ve had one too many. “I don’t [drink] and dial,” Johnathon Schaech said at the same bash, “but Ambien and dial, that’s the dangerous one right there!”
Oh, dear. We’re sure John Stamos agrees.
Richard Gere

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Richard Gere, going unnoticed while waiting for a train ride. One worker bee waiting on the platform in Philly for a late-morning shuttle to InWhySee noticed a snow-haired guy, casual in a Phillies cap and toting a gym bag, with a striking woman. She didn’t even realize said dude was Gere, with wife-unit Carey Lowell, until he smiled at her. “Gotta give him props for being so pleasant and laid back, and waiting with the rest of the plebeians,” gushed our excited tunnel witness. “There’s no way he’s 5-foot-11, much more like 5-foot-8—but with a smile and down-to-earth attitude like that, what does height matter?” our smitten spy graciously added. More over-the-top elsewhere was...
Monique Coleman

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Monique Coleman, celebrating her B-day at a roller-skating rink. The High School Musical star threw a disco-themed skating bash at the semiseedy World on Wheels here in Hell-Ay. Monique showed up an hour and a half late to her own do, wearing a green tutu. The whole affair was HSM in spirit, natch, with guests even eating off plates with the main girl’s pic on it, along with the rest of the cast. Zac and Vanessa were no-shows, damn. Oh, as long as we’re on the PDA-happy couples patrol, let’s do check in with...
Adrien Brody, Elsa Pataky

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Adrien Brody, havin’ sushi with his sweetheart, Elsa Pataky. A & E hit K-Zo in Culver City last Friday night, where they’re way chummy with the chefs. Adrien, in a black leather jacket and jeans, and his brunette babe were perched at the bar, hugging each other in their seats. We could puke our uni with quail egg, but whatev. Spending far less hootchie-cootchie quality time high above the Hell-Ay smog was...
Orlando Bloom

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Orlando Bloom, hiking with his canine and dad Sunday, Runyon Canyon, the very same place Ali Larter was workin’ up a sweat that day. His pooch musta been pooped, as Orly was seen carrying his small dog up the hill. Margo Casablanca asks for—but never receives—the same treatment, like, all the damn time. Orlando himself, though, wasn’t causing a fuss at all. “I didn’t see anyone bothering him,” said Desk Sweat. “But a couple of girls were slightly ahead of him and snickering.” What’s so funny, ladies? Got a little crush on the boy—or were you laughing at his supposed scrawniness or dog hauling?
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