Skinny 'n' Skivvies

Did anyone have to twist Posh's skinny derriere arm to do the Spice Girls reunion? Plus, what’s up with Jake 'n' Reese, the ridiculously referred to Gyllenspoon, and is Mario Lopez in trouble for flashing his ass at the Playboy Mansion on a certain Saturday night? Bum's the word!

“She had the most to gain and to prove, really—that she’s not just Becks’ piece of ass, mom to his kids and an overly thin fashion plate.”

—Gonzo-connected music insider, musing on why Posh Spice was not the most difficult original member of the campy Spice Girls to convince to do a reunion gig. No, that daunting task, according to those big-ass tour types in the know, goes to…

No one, quelle surprise! “It’s a lotta money for not that much work,” fessed the Spicer mover ‘n’ shaker, who added that all the gals are very much on board, par-tick the Beckhams, who have, for some time, we’re assured, been eager to “break” in the States. Like folks who hang with the Cruises want peace ‘n’ quiet.

Far more difficult to swallow—let’s all admit together now, please—is this JakeGyllenhaal 'n' Reese Witherspoon thing. It's as if my tight-ass, overly religious mama became a publicist and this is her first stab at nooky handiwork. Regardless, teams of busybodies and their in-overdrive mouths are superbusy on just about every blog you can get your greasy digits on these days about the veracity of said duo. Do you buy it? Does anybody?

“They are great friends,” remarked more than one close bud to the twosome whom we called for comment. “They are very close,” said another Jakey-Reesey chum. “She adores him,” blabbed one more pal busy watching Jake ‘n’ Reese shop and hold hands and cuddle.

More telling was a J&R hanger-on who confessed, “Reese is very concerned about Jake. She wants to help him."

Help him what? Get over a bum couple of movies? Got to admit their affections (affectations?) look far more furrowed brow than furtive breath.

Mario Lopez’s bulbous bum certainly seems to still be making the Internet rounds these days. And what a fine piece o’ back-door blubber it is! But did you notice the incendiary item on Perez Hilton a couple of weeks ago ‘bout Mario ditching that kiddie charity so he could go frolic half-naked at the Playboy mansion? Didn’t think too much of it till we recently heard some regurgitated gab from Nip/Tuck toilers who shot those old, notorious nekkid shower scenes with the Dancing with the Stars stud.

“Well, he sure had no problem taking everything off,” remarked a Nip loose-lipper, regarding the scene where Julian McMahon soaps up next to M.L., who catches the slightly less svelte dude doc checking out his goods. “No convincing whatsoever.”

We felt the skin source was holding back, not quite sure why. So, we pressed, “And? How’d it go?”

“Well, let’s just say Mario’s not quite as nice as his equipment,” snapped the Nip insider, before making it plain that was all he had to say on the meaty ‘n’ mischievous matter.

Is that so? Mario, you got some ‘splainin’ to do?

The Latino looker's rep insisted her client is "hands down," her "sweetest client." Fab! Additionally, she revealed there are no plans for Lopez to return to Nip/Tuck, on the set of which, the pro mouth says Lopez was quite pressed at the time he shot his nudie scenes—he was double-tasking his Dancing with the Stars gig. As for the charity no-show, Lopez's publicist offers Mario was never confirmed to begin with, that he had only said he'd “try” to make it and that the organization "took the liberty of interpreting that response as a yes and printed his name on the invite without proper confirmation." Therefore, her client paraded his posterior (again) at the Playboy Manse with a good, healthy conscience, not to mention a glutes-hugging bikini.

Whew! Lotsa of backside back 'n' forth stuff goin' down here, doncha think? Well, this ain't nuthin' compared to what's up tomorrow. Turns out Rebecca Romijn's found herself in a little bit of an Ellen DeGeneres sitch, and no, I don't mean she's kissing girls. Nope, doll-snoops, it appears we may have another Iggy-style celeb sitch on our busybody paws, as R.R.'s had an animal rescue predicament with tragic results and there have been myriad I say/They say accusations between R. 'n' the rescuers. More Friday.

If it sounds too good to be true, it prolly is. Such is the case with that awesomely ridiculous story that Paris Hilton was flexin’ her philanthropy muscle to help stop binge-drinking elephants. Uh, yeah, you read right.

Apparently, there are elephants in India getting into farmers’ home-brewed alcohol stashes and going on drunken rampages. Sounds funny, we know, but a few actually electrocuted themselves after knocking over an electric pole.

“The elephants get drunk all the time,” Paris was quoted as saying. “It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

Too bad her flack says those priceless gems weren’t really uttered by P. According to P’s publicist, she never made any comments about helping inebriated pachyderms in India. We’re so bummed, because this sounds like the perf cause for Paris to get behind.

And in the jungle of other errant types, former wild thang Lindsay Lohan finally took that trip to the Ivy she’d been planning since her rehab stint in Utah. Of course, L2’s paparazzi pals were there to capture her in all her self-tanned glory. While we so first spilled L.L. would (expertly) commandeer the Ivy, post-re-rehab way back when here in Awful land, we hope she doesn’t prove her pal’s other prediction to us right. You know, the whole relapse one? Best of luck, Linds.