Couples Cashing In?

Since Reese and Jake have taken their relationship to the trick-or-treating level, we've got six more suggestions for fam-friendly outings! Plus, could booby babe Pam Anderson be having more hard times? Say it ain't so!

If you regularly read this column, you prolly know we haven’t exactly been gulping down the Gyllenspoon Kool-Aid like the rest of the rags, wonder why? Something about the sudden PDA sessions in front of the paps right as Rendition premiered smelled stinky to us—among sundry other suspect celeb goings-on.

But that was all before we saw the pics of Jake (or supposedly of Jake, as he was wearing a giant gorilla costume) trick-or-treating with Reese’s tykes, Ava and Deacon. 'Cause, surely, if southern sweetie Reese is not only introducing Jake to her kids and having them all spend holidays together, there must be something more to their relationship...right?

Unless...of course, it’s all just one big PR ploy to sell a dead movie, and certain other parties—who mysteriously don’t make it into press-release-esque photos of the dimpled duo—have always been there in the background, too, and Reese and Jake are just good buds. For ince, could Ryan still be hangin' round, trying to slink back with his fresh ex? Just a question here, dearies, and a preachy proviso to not always gobble up everything you read, this missive included.

In any case, since Reese 'n' Jake seem to be serious about whatever it is they’re embarking on, we Awful busybodies came up with a Sick-Sick Six tally for more family (and photo) friendly outings the two hons should so plan:

6. Hike Runyon Canyon:  Jake can bring his great gams and two pooches along while the whole happy clan goes thigh busting (Reese breaks a mean sweat at many things, don’t forget) in the Hollywood Hills. Love!

5.  Hit Pinkberry:  Come on, what kid doesn’t love dessert? Plus, this frozen whatever chain is popular with H'wood types, because if you binge on it, supposedly you can still squeeze into your skinny jeans. Who cares 'bout all that fake crap it's filled with—hey, at least you’ll stay svelte. Reese and Jake gotta keep those figures fab, right?

4. Head Down to Disneyland:  It’s called the Happiest Place on Earth for a reason (and we don’t just mean because Lindsay really knows how to get hap-happy at the joint). 'Cause, really, you can’t quite call yourself a celeb couple until you’ve gotten pics together wearing those mouse ears, n'est-ce pas? Bonus points if Ava, Deacon and Jake can convince Reese to ride Space Mountain with 'em!

3. Take Your Very Lives into Your Hands, Darlings, and Go to the Grove:  Reach out and touch those who actually seem to be buying this silliness that you all are the hottest twosome since Pam 'n' Rick. This outdoor shopping center, complete with cinema, Cheesecake Factory and an actual trolley you can ride on top of (not sure Jake would like, though) is one of the best spots to bring your kids, if you like that breeder kinda thang. Paparazzi are allowed inside, ensuring easy access to headline-hungry A-listers. It was one of Victoria Beckham’s first stops with her boys when she moved here.

2. Go Get Mani-Pedis Together!  Hey, the fam that pampers their piggies together, stays together. Just ask Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman, who are often seen getting their tootsies done with daughter Lily.

1. Get Floor Seats at the Lakers Game:  We already know Jake’s a basketball fan, as he used to hit these games with Austin Nichols, like, all the time. And if Reese isn’t into B-ball, she’ll just have to pretend. Think ya can, girlfriend?

Oh, before we get to a li'l bit on Lindsay, let’s hit the gal La Lohan is so clearly on her way to becoming, pronto: Pam Anderson. Ran into a good bud of hers at a party recently. Just had to ask about Rick. No, nothin' sexual, mind you (fer a refreshing—or not—change), but, like, what the ef was Anderson thinking, yet again, with yet another booby dude hookup?

We were expecting, just the same, for the answer to be wholly pickle oriented, mind you, even though that was hardly the direction we were gunning for, trust. But guess what? The good pal stunned us by replying the following:

"Oh, it’s just Pam’s latest attempt at getting some money. You know she doesn’t have any, don’t you?”

Oh no, did not. Didn’t think she was loaded or anything (why else be a magician’s assistant, ya know), but...broke?

Pammy-poo, this is a joke, right?

One more on the aged va-va-voomin' set L2’s quickly approaching herself: This one’s regarding the overdone—and very delicious—legend that is Cher. Remember that nasty rumor a ways back about Chastity’s mama breaking all her toes while rehearsing her new Vegas show? Well, pretend you did and read on:

We checked in with Desk Diva, who are mucho good girlfriends with Ms. C, and inquired after our favorite Oscar-winning wig wearer.

“Cher did not break her toes,” we were assured.

“Oh, that’s good, so guess the tabloid tale about Cher not being able to handle her high heels and falling down wasn’t true, huh?" we further pressed.

“No.”

“Oh, right!” we laughed so merrily. “Bet Cher can even handle vacuuming in those heels of hers, huh?”

"Cher...does...not...vacuum,” we were informed right at the same time the interview was terminated.

So, Lindsay L hasn’t hit the Ivy on Robertson just yet, but she did dine just a bashed bumper’s throw away on Wednesday at the Newsroom Cafe. Newsroom is right smack across the street from the Ivy, making it just as much as a primo paparazzi target, with slightly more reasonable prices.

And who was L.L.’s companion of choice for her lunch? None other than Samantha Ronson. Guess she made the cut when Linds was paring down her friends list postrehab. Speaking of the 12 steps, wonder if Linds was there to make nice to Raymundo Ortega, a Newsroom busboy whose van she plowed into way back in 2005?

We have to give L.L. props at this point, though. So far, girlfriend has been on her best behavior, and we’re quite impressed she’s managed to avoid the club scene and even stay in on hell-raising Halloween. And while she gets points for improved behavior, we're givin' L2 a fine for her pumpkin-esque complexion as of late. She looks like she’s been hittin' the self-tanner bottle a little too hard. Maybe she learned that trick from her overly Mystic Tanned mom Dina, whom she’s slowly morphing into?

After all, Dina surely knows her way round a shady sitch, right? And how! So, maybe it is from D.L. that L-babe learned how to commandeer the spotlight, not vice versa, as so many seem to think. ‘Course, that’s just until Lindsay has ‘nother crazy bustup round town, hopefully it won’t happen. “Oh, yes it will,” blurted one of those few fellow partyers who still have yet to be cut from L.L.’s inner sanctum. Dear, oh dear. Linds, that camp of yours needs more cleanin’, we declare. (But please don’t, whatever you do, we’d hate to lose touch with ya, g-friend!)