And before we get to further saliva scuttlebutt on Brangelina, let’s check in on two infamous types the world’s been so hot on watching combust before our very gossipy eyes: Whitney Houston and B. Spears. Both seen-and-abused-it-all hons are currently re-re-regrouping themselves for supposedly “major” comebacks. Whitney’s looks infinitely better, at this early stage, only because, when compared with Britney’s VMA comatose jigglefest, even my Aunt Martha from Texas would look Céline Dion-esque. (Actually, with that hairdo, she kinda does...)
Good news and gooder news: A mucho loyal friend to the Awful Truth has not only listened to early tracks from Whitney’s upcoming effort (which still has no release date), he’s also seen a Spears video that music legend Clive Davis himself is supervising for Britney’s album, Blackout, due out later this month.
“Both [efforts] are hot, really good, very different from what’s [being said] out there about both women right now,” insists Desk Damaged Diva, who informs us Davis is working even more closely with Spears than he is with Houston. S'pose this is a shocker, and not. After all, hasn’t most everyone else abandoned the wacky Brit-broad right now, professionally and personally speaking, mamacita Lynne notwithstanding?
Also, anybody who’s seen Brit-Brit’s hideous “Gimme More” video—which looks like it was shot on the discarded sets from Wayne’s World, with a pole-schtupping Dana Carvey substituting for Britney—knows that was not a good thing. At all.
“Clive obviously got control of things,” added the music mole, referring to the train-wrecked honey’s hideous “More” shoot. “This is what Britney should be like.”
Really? What’s that, we wonder, at this desultory point? Yeah, it’s superfab 'n' all that top dawg Clive is taking such a hands-on approach to Ms. S, but how in the hell can you bring back a babe who just wants to go to Starbucks, seemingly out of her gourd, all the time?
We pity Clive’s desperate mission.
Exec P.S.: When culling musical biggies, we here at Awful asked who’s got it harder for a pop reinvention, Brit or Whit? Hands-down answer: “Whitney.” Why? “Because the market’s changed—completely,” was the most common response/refrain we listened to.
Now, Britney, please do not get carried away with this leg-up news. Watch your back, g-f. Next thing you know, Sarah Silverman’s opening the Grammys with a Whitney-skewering rant, to be immediately followed by Whitney herself eating everybody else alive with the performance of her life.
Then who’s gonna have a rehabbed leg up?
Pandering P.P.S.: Oh, and just wait til Monday’s column, when we’ve got Pharrell basically saying all us heathen reporters are going to be burning in tabloid hell for reporting on the woman’s straight-from-Hades doings (like we forced the idiot Spears to peel off her panties everywhere?).“You guys are gonna feel like shit!” P warns, all karma crazy. Now, look here, you finger-shaker in a Pepto Bismol pink hoodie! We’re the first to say Silverman and her ilk went too far, but don’t you dare go blaming B.S.’s derailing on those documenting it. You smokin’ somethin’ Whitney claims she never did?
“They were affectionate and playing with the kids, being a normal, happy family,” quasi-dishes an on-set source. Brangelina were spotted having a semi-PDA smooch sesh behind a tree during Brad’s downtime. Oh, whatev. Doesn’t exactly compare to that hot trailer action we talked about between these two way back when, huh?
And certainly doesn’t reek of Brad screaming to his more bodalicious buds how A.J. has been “the best sex” he’s ever had in his life. Ah, but even supergods must eventually have their nooky comedown after awhile, we would imagine. But will it go back up? Prolly (only to eventually go completely kaput, mark our crystal connubial ball).
Jeremy Cowart/E! Networks
Jeremy Cowart/E! Networks
E! Networks/Comcast Entertainment Group