Bombshells Bursting in Air

Gorgeous goss on heartthrob-flirting Hayden Panettiere ... plus, we've got even sadder news on Britney Spears' explosive domestic sitch (if you can believe it), as well as the usual no-BS back tawk from you Awful readers, can't wait!

Yet more on that Eva Longoria/Liz Taylor reported to-do (Camp Eva is screaming she's innocent!) tomorrow, but meantime, other starry lives are at stake. See, shortly before Britney Spears' sad (but hardly stunning) loss of custody over her two boys, an insider very close to the embattled popped tart weighed in on her unfortunate sitch: "She's hopeless," the musical impresario and bigwig lamented, also adding the trainwreck strutter was on, what the connected source called, "suicide watch" within what remains of the derailing honey's inside camp. Keep in mind, these sentiments were uttered right before the judge's ruling came down Monday—that Brit was losing custody of her kids to also not exactly primo morality figure Kevin Federline. Now, if B.S. was on thin emotional ice prior to the custody decision, we hate to imagine what the girl's going through now. If there's anyone with a half a brain left in Brit's life, we hope they keep an eye on her.

Stay strong, babe. (Sarah Silverman, are you happy?)

Civic-minded celebs made the scene at Declare Yourself’s Hollywood Celebrates 18 to-do that we gabbed about yesterday. Declare Yourself is a nonpartisan organization that encourages young people to vote, so it makes perfect sense that newly legal Hayden Panettiere was the host of the event, held at the Wallis Annenberg Center for Performing Arts. Inside, the Heroes hon hung with castmates Kristen Bell and Adrian Pasdar, along with a newly bleached blond Rumer Willis. Supposedly single Hayden was discreetly introduced to Justin Timberlake, and the two spent a few minutes chatting in a darkened corner. Wonder if she tried to slip him her digits? We and Milo all doubt it.

Nick Cannon, who was moonlighting as deejay for the second night in a row, took a break from spinning Britney’s latest to give his two presidential cents on whether we’re ready for a woman to take the top job. “Either that or a black man,” he offered, midspin. “Either one would be good.”

And don’t forget a fruit for the gig either, everybody!

We asked Kristen Bell the same gal-at-1600 Q. “We’re never going to be ready,” she answered, semisurprisingly. “The only thing we’ve always been ready for is a white, certain-aged male. They discriminate even with age…I think JFK was way too young. I don’t think we’re ever going to be ready, and that’s all the more reason to have it happen,” she rebel-roused.

Oh, on that feisty note, let's so hit the mailbag:

Dear Ted:
I feel sorry for Toothy Tile. If he were a woman, would anyone care? Women who seem to have no sexual preference—e.g., Jodie Foster—have kids, and nobody says anything. Obviously, T.T. is worried coming out will wreck his career. I think Toothy is David Spade.
  Mary
  Seattle

Dear One Outta Three:
In an age of Angelina Jolie bisexuality-fashion, your first statement is absolutely dead-on. But after that? Oh, girl. I assure you, Ms. F has quite the sexual appetite, and Toothy T is most certainly not David Spade. I said sexy!

Dear Ted:
In answer to your question about having more "overweight, unattractive" guys on TV, what about The King of Queens (Kevin James), According to Jim (Jim Belushi) and Still Standing (Mark Addy)? These are all sitcoms featuring overweight, unattractive men married to improbably hot women. Of course, you never see it the other way around!
  Lee
  Philadelphia

Dear Duh:
Which is precisely my misogynistic point. Also, with those jokers, their weight is a given, not the raison d'être of the show. It's a complete double standard.

Dear Ted:
Uh-oh, you PO'd your mama—LOL! I do the same to mine every day. I was reading about Bravado Boom-Cock in One-Hell Phone Blind Vice and, quite literally, Tom Hanks popped into my head. Is he our potty mouth?
  Judy K.
  Skokie, Illinois

Dear Far Off from Forrest:
Totally not our guy, g-friend…BBC has no wife-unit and is far less traditional than good ol' Tom.

Dear Ted:
I'm getting so tired of other E! sources talking about Jake and Reese. Have you really not informed them that she's just not that into him?
  Sarah
  Bellevue, Ohio

Dear Hex in the City:
How my colleagues choose to amuse themselves is hardly my affair.

Dear Ted:
Keep up the excellent reporting on all the happenings in D.C. I used to live there, and you are on the mark when it comes to reporters leaving (most) politicians' private lives alone.
  Mira
  Boston

Dear Hillary Clinton:
Oh, go on, girl—what’s with the fake name and city? You trying to get me to write even more on those sordid Bushies? For shame!

Dear Ted:
How serious is this thing with George Clooney and his new Fear Factor squeeze, Sarah Larson?
  Erica
  Pittsburgh

Dear Make Me Laugh:
Can you hear me in Pennsylvania?

Dear Ted:
If Kevin Federline is supposedly broke, how does he afford that hotshot divorce lawyer? Here's hoping K-Fed gets primary custody, though!
  Anabel
  St. Paul, Minnesota

Dear Deranged:
Where do I start with you, that K-Fed’s broke or that he’s the perfect parent? Talk about making me laugh.

Dear Ted:
Bravado Boom-Cock...George Clooney?
  Leslie
  Jesup, Georgia

Dear Cock Around the Clooney:
Uh, no, and not even a good guess for the screaming star from that Hell-Phone Blind Vice. Darlin’, G.C. is the nicest, not the naughtiest (at least where manners are concerned).

Dear Ted:
Is Bravado Boom-Cock Russell Crowe? If so, it could have been even worse for the charity organizer if he was in phone-throwing range at the time.
  Kristine
  Princeton, New Jersey

Dear Hold the Horn:
Darling, that’s way too obvious a guess for our bad-tempered boy Russ. Think a bit more off the beaten path.

Dear Ted:
Nice question on O.J. for Jon Stewart. That was hilarious.
  Lisa Sharon Goldberg

Dear Daily Snow:
Thanks, sugar-puss, but I’m afraid I just don’t find the whole disgusting sitch funny. The man, according to the evidence (just not the jury), is guilty. Enough, already.

Dear Ted:
The blind item for Bravado Boom-Cocks is so easy! Jamie Foxx. You like BBC, don't you?
  Reg Johnson
  Beaumont, Texas

Dear Dead Wrong:
So no (times two), my Texan friend. The only thing skirt-chasing Jamie and BBC have in common is their primo pipes. The similarities end right there, trust.

Dear Ted:
I know you're sober and all, and tons of props for that. But have you considered that Britney and/or Lindsay and their like may actually be "dual diagnosis"—that is, medicating themselves with alcohol and other drugs?
  Mary Ellen
  Amherst, New Hampshire

Dear No Merde:
Uh, yeah.

Dear Ted:
What is it with these Bushes that they get away with so much? I don't get it.
  R.E.

Dear Baffled:
Well, thank heavens for overweight favors like Michael Moore, is all I have to say here.