Now, let's get this straight: Desperate Housewives, the show E.L. toils for, is, like, the gayest thing on TV since Gomer Pyle. The queens who run that thing would flip to have one of their main honeys wipe Taylor's supposedly in-love-again bum, much less present her with an esteemed, highly worthy award important to the gay community. So, what gives?
"I don't know,” sighed the Passport pooper. "I just know she absolutely f--ked us.”
"It was never official," a mouthpiece for the tiny spitfire told us, regarding the big-award to-do, arguing that Eva's involvement was "never" firm—even though Longoria would have been thrilled to be there.
Uh, okay. Then, why wasn't she? "Well, she was trying to see if she could," the repper continued. "But then, she couldn't." We gather. Why?
"I'm not sure," responded the sweetie spokes-hon, who told us yet another rep on the Longoria account would inform with further deets.
Is that really necessary? We Awfulites think Eva's actions have spoken volumes already.
Hills Aren't Alive: Expect to see another verbal showdown between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag coming up on The Hills, aren't you just creaming with cantankerous excitement? We are! Both babes hit Declare Yourself's Hollywood Celebrates 18 bash in Bev Hills, and unlike the Us Weekly party, where the dissin' dames kept their distance, L 'n' H were spotted filming semi-intense fight scenes for their, uh, "reality" show—that is, if reality offering includes notes from the director and repeated takes. Such the shocker! Now, I know we're stunned to find out those bitchin' girls are semiscripting it, you?
Also raising dubious eyebrows at the same do was Justin Timberlake, who looked seriously love-stoned, or some kind of stoned that night. Much more on that overindulged sitch tomorrow, plus political talk from Kristen Bell, Nick Cannon and more…brace yourselves, babies!
Leaving Los Angeles: Unlike Britney, who once reportedly freaked out because her plane didn't have leather seats, Lynne and Jamie Lynn Spears don't even fly friggin' first class these days! The mom and daughter duo caught a nonstop Delta flight from LAX to Louisiana on Friday, sitting with all the common folk. Oh, my. Derailing in Vegas is one thing for the fam Spears, but...coach?
Seat spies report the gals hauled along their doggies (in purses, no less, à la Paris, are you online, PETA?), and even had strangers help them out with their luggage. Seems to us like li'l Jamie Lynn—who was wearing drawstring pajama shorts on the plane—is on the straight and narrow these days...shouldn't Lynne stick around Hell-Ay and try to keep an eye on her older, errant daughter instead? Or has her mama given up, like all of Brit's former campers?
Who the ef knows anymore.More to It? Now that we spilled some possible domestic-sitch beans on why Annette Bening pulled out of her play here at the Geffen, The Female of the Species (sources quite snug with A.B. claim one of Bening's kids needed a little TLC, though Bening's rep denied), we're hearing more possible fam-awry sitches from Desk Boston. The Oscar-nominated hon was just there filming The Women—in which Annette plays Sylvia Fowler, that gossip who fiendishly delights in telling all her girlfriends that one of them has a cheating hubby, can you imagine such a hideous person?—and many a Bostonian has contacted me saying Warren Beatty was nowhere in sight, despite several fam visits, wonder why?
Surely you were there somewhere in the clam-chowder background, eh, Warren? I know, I know, don't call you Shirley MacLaine (who hovers everywhere).
Really Royal Snubbing: 'Kay, on that chintzy tipping front we told you about last week (and the driver who claims the megarich Becks 'n' Posh don't show a little gratuity to the little people), got more to add. Everybody knows Will&Jada&Tom&Katie&David&Victoria are a six-way serving o' BFF bosomy buds. So, like any good bum-kissing amiga, Jada Pinkett Smith sent one of the Beckham sons a "huge" birthday basket for the adorable kiddo.
"Stunned,” we're told by sources thisclose to the interaction, is how the Smiths reacted, when not a call, no note, not even a friggin' email arrived with any thanks or acknowledgment whatsoever. Jeez, oh merde.
Perhaps Vicky's getting to it right after one of her emergency Pilates sessions? Or too busy helping D.B. with his dad's sad sitch? Surely that's it...
"Well, I'd heard really good things about her,” Ana started diplomatically, "and they're all true. She's really down to earth, she's really funny, and she really has a good sense of humor about herself…which is so interesting for someone who's so in the spotlight.”
Dare to disagree, but whatev.
Ana also swore Vic showed up on set sans entourage and was "fabulous.” The Latina honey seemed pretty sincere, too, so guess we'll take her word. (See, we run something nice about Posh here to make up for blabbing badly earlier, 'kay?)
Havin' a guys' night out were castmates Adrian Pasdar and Greg Grunberg, who told us even Heroes read tabloids. "We can't get away from it,” Adrian fessed. "My wife [Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks] buys 'em all the time, so they're lying around.”
Now, gosh, since these two babies read the rags, they must know rumors are swirling that their castmates Hayden Panettiere and the much older Milo Ventimiglia are getting very friendly these days?
"There's nothing to that,” Greg quickly pooh-poohed. "Come on, are you kidding me? That's ridiculous!”
"We were in Europe together, and I'm kind of a surrogate dad there to her,” Adrian added. "And anything inappropriate would not have happened on my watch.” Hmmm, but how about after they got back to the States? 'Cause they sure looked chummy at the Emmy after-parties.
(Indeed, so connected cupid-witnesses tell us H 'n' M are not only "together," it ain't exactly new.)
Moving on to another quasi-questionable nascent legal babe: Amanda Bynes. "I'm on the list as the 'Good Girl,' so I guess I'm getting that nod,” she told us. "I like it…I'll take whatever I can get! I guess I just feel pressure now to remain a good girl. What if I want to be like Rihanna and be a good girl gone bad? Will I still be nominated for this honor?”
Yes, darling, most definitely yes. So, get to it, already!
Just don't expect to see Amanda, who recently turned 21, slamming shots. "Actually, I don't like the taste of alcohol anyway, so I'm all good with that,” she demurely dished.
Surely the gal has some vices? "Sugar…like anything that's bad for me,” Amanda offered. "Ice cream and cookies!”
Held on the piss-ass top floor of the Beverly Wilshire, moms of young patients at Childrens Hospital got pampered (thanks to P3 Beauty and ForbesLife Executive Woman) alongside celeb moms such as Cindy Crawford, Laura Dern and Lisa Rinna. Jamie had to retouch her makeup later on in the day, when she was moved to tears by the mamas' stories. Melanie Griffith was so eager to help out, she showed up a week early. Apparently, Antonio Banderas' babe got confused and hit the hotel last Wednesday, a week before the actual event. Whoopsie!