Whatever Happened to Jessica Simpson?

We check in on things sisterly with currently more happening Ashlee...plus, Kate Beckinsale and Brad Pitt wow 'em to entirely different (and somewhat, uh, doable) effect. Ready to get sweaty with it?

We've got much more goss from the Hornitos (what a lovely name, eh?) tequila launch party at Opera last week. Ashlee Simpson was the hostess of the alcohol-soaked soiree and was chirping and chatting away on the carpet about her new album, which got us thinking about blonder, boobier sis Jessica, who's reportedly going country for her next project. Any chance she and Jess would ever do a song together...a Simpson sisters duet, maybe?

“We write well together,” Ashlee answered semidiplomatically. “I can't say never, but she's definitely got her own style, and I have my own style. But who knows? Maybe one night we'll be sitting up writing songs together.”

We'd love to hear those hons pen a rap about Papa Joe, you? Anyway, Ash has certainly survived her share of performances gone wrong (SNL, anyone?) and public humiliation, so we wanted to know A's advice for Britney, after her VMA bomb.

“To tell you the truth, I have not seen the performance,” Ash hedged. “I was actually sitting upstairs, so I can't say anything on it—but I wish her the best.” Oh, please! Even if A-babe wasn't in the theater at the time of Brit's derailing, you so know she watched it in on YouTube later with Pete Wentz. “I think we all have our ups and our downs, and you gotta look for the positive side of things,” she finally offered, rather lamely.

Inside the drunken do, Pete was nowhere to be seen, and Ash hung at a table with g-friends, an arms length away from none other than Jeremy Piven. The Pivs snuck in a backdoor and didn't do the carpet, but Vanessa Marcil declared to cameras she was “here for Jeremy.” And although Miz Marcil hung at his table, it's too bad he left with another girl later that night. Burn!

Also spotted cuttin' a drunken rug: ex Laguna lovers Lauren Conrad and Stephen Colletti. Those two givin' it another try now that they're single? Paris Hilton was also makin' the scene, natch, with her short 'do and a leopard-print dress. P looked stoked when the deejay played one of her tracks and hurried to the dance floor to gyrate. The once-imprisoned gal drove herself to the shindig in a blue Bentley but was picked up in a black SUV around two ayem after she'd been drinking. Looks like someone's actually learned a lesson, imagine.

That doesn't happen in Bel Air too often.

Erika Christensen, catchin' a concert. The Scientology-practicing gal was spotted waiting in line with the rest of the commoners at the Damien Rice show at the Greek Theater. E.C. was with a bud and looked “really fresh and pretty and normal” in a gray miniskirt, short-sleeve blazer and funky purple stilettos. Desk High Heels reports Ms. Cee also had “plenty of meat on her bones.” Uh, I think I like that addendum, not quite sure. No longer emaciated-looking herself was...

Calista Flockhart, hangin' with Harrison Ford and her little boy, Liam, at Disneyland. Det. Mouse reports the former freakishly skinny gal even “has a little booty these days,” while Harry was rockin' some serious facial scruff. They had their own personal Disney escort by their side as they made their way through sudsy revelry, and not the kind of hijinks La Lohan pulled when she stopped by, I assure you. A less fun threesome in another city included...

Newt Gingrich, dining with two stuffy-lookin' dudes. D.C. Coast restaurant on K and 14th Streets, Thursday night, cannot believe I'm doing this one. The Republican bigwig was surprisingly thinner than our spy-witness had imagined and “looked totally desperate to be recognized.” Sadly, no one approached the former Speaker of the House. Quel dommage. Spotted knife-and-forking back west was...

Johnathan Schaech, lunchin' with a blond gal at Ammo. Christina Applegate's ex was wearin' a blue and white striped button-down and jeans, and he munched supreme on salad and steak (he even chews sexy, don't ask how, just know it's so not anywhere near the way Gingrich masticates). J.S.'s mystery curvalicious companion, whom he was having an intense convo with, was casual, in jeans and a tee. Recovering better than we've been led to believe, laddie? Getting snaps for sex-ay style elsewhere was...

Kate Beckinsale, lookin' fierce at the Chanel store redesign party, Hills of Bev. The Brit babe was wearing a black tutu-esque, lace-embroidered dress and had her locks up in a high ponytail. Love! Kate and other fashionistas sipped champers and checked out the new Chanel spring line. And though they all adored Kate's outfit, what was she doing with those damn gray shoes on? Newt pick ‘em out for ya, girlfriend?

Speaking of semimisbehaving, couture-flashing chicas, expect to hear Britney Spears referenced out the wazoo in next March's HBO project about overindulged Texan everything, 12 Miles of Bad Road. “We're not going the whole heiress route,” relayed Cameron Richardson, who plays one of the daughters on the over-the-top series. “We're just really, really wealthy...more like the debutante route." What, is Kathy Hilton a silent producer or somethin'?

“Actually,” continued Richardson, "Mary Kay Place, who plays my aunt, has this whole speech [saying], ‘You're not Britney Spears, and that's not gonna fly in Texas!' ”

Hey, going commando sure passes in Kentwood, Louisiana, apparently (not to mention Hollywood 'n' Vegas). Why should tacky-butt Texas be any diff? You all have any idea what kind of potty-mouths 'n' poop-heads come from that place?