Well, babecakes, whether it’s celeb-insulting one-liners from VMA-doused Vegas or continuing conundrums from Dee Cee, have we got Britney to Bush scuttlebutt for you!
Stars could be seen at every soiree in Sin City Saturday night at the plethora of pre-VMA parties poppin' off. In fact, there's just too many to keep up with, so we're gonna break down the bashes bullet style, plus give you our picks for MVP (Most Valuable Partyer).
Pharrell Williams

Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

• Samsung Gleam private dinner and after-party hosted by Pharrell:

Despite the fact that Pharrell arrived to his own dinner do at Tao an hour and a half late, he drew a fairly meaty crowd. Medium-to-rare Brit Spears came with new BFF Diddy, and an overdone Jamie Foxx swung before his cameo at Kanye's concert. Rumored twosome Rihanna and Shia LaBeouf were both there, but arrived separately, with Shia sneaking in the back door and making sure no one took his pic. Despite denials that they're dating, a Rihanna insider dishes they've been "spending a lot of time together" and that Ri's reportedly "giddy" over her new guy. Also spotted dining at Tao Saturday night: Ashlee Simpson and Internet penis parader Pete Wentz, with Joe Simpson chaperoning, as if that was going to help.

 

Christina Aguilera, Jordan Bratman

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Christina Aguilera at LAX:

The preggers princess pop tart arrived with hub-unit Jordan Bratman and stuck to sipping Voss water at her VIP table. Paris Hilton also stopped by and hogged the spotlight and microphone, natch. "Congratulations to the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world," she told the crowd. "You're gorgeous!" Hope Nicole Richie didn't hear that! Adrian Grenier and Kevin Connnolly had a table nearby P, which she eventually visited before continuing on her club hopping way.

50 Cent

James Devaney/WireImage.com

• Absolut 100 party hosted by 50 Cent:

50 arrived to his bash held in the Hard Rock at Body English with an entourage of about 50 people, who rushed the carpet and caused complete chaos. The rapper took his time to pose for pics with Pare-poo, who'd arrived earlier and was waiting on the carpet, camera-ready. 50 swears his album will be better than Kanye West's, whose drops on the same day, but didn't have much reasoning when we asked him why.

Paris Hilton

Chris Weeks/WireImage.com

"It already is," he offered. Okay, then. What do you like best about Vegas? "That it doesn't stop and that it keeps going," he dished. "It's like New York City but a lot more entertaining!"

Inside, his fete was definitely entertaining, as his entourage threw actual 50 dollar bills out at the crowd. His table included Paris, dancing badly and trying to get his attention, and later on, none other than P. Diddy and a somewhat slimmed B. Spears. Apparently, the bad blood between the two babes is over, we are so relieved.

Kanye West

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

• Rolling Stone and Klipsch party hosted by Kanye West:

We tend to think 50 and Kanye don't really hate each other, because both boys' parties were mere feet from one another's. Kayne's bash was also held at the Hard Rock, and guests like Eve, Ashlee Simpson and Petey Wentz and Lauren Conrad all came out to show their support. Kanye took the stage around 2 ayem, performing hit after hit to the packed house. He was also joined on stage by T-Pain and Jamie Foxx.

Justin Timberlake Avalon

Zuma

After finishing "You Can't Tell Me Nothing," the notoriously cocky rapper took a second to diss Britney in a freestyle verse. "Why the hell is Britney Spears opening the VMAs?," he rapped, saying that he should open the show instead. He also went on to diss Justin Timberlake, too. "Maybe it's time I change my skin," he finally finished. You can always count on Kanye to bring the controversy! Love him for that!

George Bush, Laura Bush

Ricardo Maldonado/EFE/ZUMA Press.com

Okay, before we get to such pressing matters like Mischa Barton's lungs and Jeremy Piven's crotch, we simply must check in on my fave couple to question. No, I don't mean Britney and her ego—I'm talkin' those Bush babies up in DeeCee, George and Laura! I swear, they're getting to be like a super-WASP version of George and Martha from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, already! (If you don't know precisely what that filmic analogy means, just conjure up Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman toward the end of their run together and you'll do fine.)
On that analogous note, I must say I have rather distressing news. But I'm going to be a monstrous tease (like that's new) and save this baddie baby for later in the week, sorry. Just know that it's going to involve the ghost of a highly paid and educated (read: medical school, girlfriends) Cruise camper's loose-lipped past, nothing more. But it's sensational stuff!
George Bush, Condoleezza Rice

AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

More urgent is what the ef's goin' on in that ménage à whatever in Washington, otherwise know as George, Laura and Condi. And I'm hardly the first bitch to wonder why G and C are so tight right now—other than dismantling the country 'n' all—while Laura is staying as far away from her drinking-again hub-unit as possible.

Is there, uh, something more intimate going down between the two power mongers, perhaps? I mean, the Oval Office does have a pretty bad rep what with seminal fluid going in all different directions, right?

So, I rang up my erstwhile knowing Desk DeeCee, my hotline, as it were, to all things White House and Republican.

“I honestly don't think anything is going on between Bush and Rice. Neither of them is that stupid, and I know they've been great friends for 20 years.”

Well, that's just one elephant-type's opinion, but I must say, it's one Potomac player whose input always turns out to be right on. Regardless, Dubya, why all the coziness to C and frostiness to L? Trying to get back at Laura-love for getting the hell outta your sorry-tush life (as much as the First Gal can and still save face)? You bitter, jealous and 16 or somethin'?

Don't answer that.
Jeremy Piven

Lisa O?Connor/ZUMAPress.com

Gosh, is Jeremy Piven adding a new babe to his ever-rotating female entourage? Sources say he was expected to arrive at the Imitation by Imitation of Christ fashion show at Snitch with none other than Petra Nemcova. But apparently, J. Pivs was running late and caught up with the model/author after the show, instead. Is Piven an upgrade or downgrade from her former flame James Blunt? We're gonna go with upgrade, even though Petra probably towers over Jare-poo. And he's got better hair than Blunt, even if it's fake.
Petra Nemcova

Eric Charbonneau/WireImage.com

Now, while peepin' the show solo, Pet-Pet had a semi-embarrassing moment when she tried to hit the little-girls' room. The model, clad in a low-cut leopard-print frock, accidentally entered the men's room, which was rather grungy. Ick! Hope she washed her hands after that little encounter. Or is that, uh, familiar territory for Ms. En? Was that the reason?
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