"It's like with strippers...you can't touch him, but he can touch you."
—Justin Timberlake tour bigwigs, to a bunch o’ fans backstage before they were allowed to get pics taken with him in Sin City. Uh, these handlers had to be kidding, right?
Prolly not. I mean, when these fellas become freakazoid famous, funny how they have a way of using women (and men) wholly to their advantage—like ripping off their bras at the Super Bowl—much more so than when they were, say, on The Mickey Mouse Club, eh?
Patrick Demarchelier / Vanity Fair
But look, g-friends, far more curious than what inebriated boorishness J. Timberlake may be participating in is why the ef Nic Kidman’s suddenly talking to Vanity Fair about all these embryos she once shared with Tommy Cruise. Why...now?
‘Cause that is so not the word she was busy peddling to insiders who would bend N.K. an ear (or three) during her decadelong marriage to the toothy actor. Fertile Tom? Hardly! Stay tuned on this über-pregnant sitch.
Britney Spears and Criss Angel weren't the only train-wreck twosome at the grand, overdone opening of LAX in Vegas. Dave Navarro has apparently found love, post-Carmen Electra, and he even paraded his new gal-pal down the carpet.
"This is my girlfriend, Nicole Bennett," he announced when asked who his booby blond date was. Dave dished he actually hooked (up) with Nicole in Vegas recently. "We met at a dinner party...I forget the name of the restaurant. You know why? Because when you meet that certain someone, all those details kind of fade away."
Aw, that's actually kind of cute. Not so cutie-patootie was the dynamic that Davey kept groping Nicole's ass, midchat. And despite the fact that Carm's exer was at an event hosted by Spears, the Jane's Addiction rocker didn't seem to be a big fan of the Britster.
"I legitimately have no opinion about it," he answered, when we asked for his hopefully sober two cents on B. Spears' rumored VMA performance. "You might as well ask me what kind of oil I prefer in my car. I don't plan on attending, and I don't plan on watching."
Well, what about B.S.'s new single, "Gimme More"? "It's fine for that genre, sure," he fessed. "It's not the genre that I listen to, so it's hard for me to make an educated decision about that."
Mendelssohn more your speed, Davey? Yikes. She may be a walking bubble-gum meltdown, but ya gotta give the Spears tart credit for an at least semicatchy "Toxic," right?
Now, on to someone who does listen to pop music—at least when he's deejaying. Surely DJ AM, who was spinning that night, had an opinion on B.S.' comeback song?
"I love it," dished the skinny dude, who opted not to talk about ex-g-f Nicole Richie. "I think it's gonna be huge."
We kind of dig it, too...How can you not adore a song that starts with "It's Britney, bitch"? That's pure lyric genius right there.
Ricardo Maldonado/EFE/ZUMA Press.com
Oh, how the political plot thickened while I was away last week: It was revealed that Laura B will not be traveling to Sydney’s APEC with hub-unit Georgie B, prez of the USA, unfortunately. Unfortunate that the clown hasn’t been impeached yet, fortunate that my reported chill tween the First Couple continues to get frostier ‘n’ frostier!
In fairness, Desk DeeCee assures moi that summits without spouses aren’t unusual at all. But then, DDC let it slip that the First Bushes vacationed separately this summer, quelle surprise.
Also, heard all that gab ‘bout Condi Rice and G.B. being forever BFFs, particularly now they’re such close-quarters campers on this latest Iraq-Aussie stopover? More on that tomorrow, as I’m sure you’re just on the edges of your bipartisan seats to know.
Andy Dick, getting bounced from Area Friday night. The perennial preening prima douche was seen "all coked up and drooling" at a VIP table, according to grossed-out clubgoers. Now, I'm sure they meant to say "amped up," don't you think? I'm sure my lawyers do. And why hasn't A-poo been shipped off to rehab or arrested yet? Also hangin' at the same Hollywood haunt and looking much hotter was a single...
Stavros Niarchos, who didn't appear to be pining over Paris. (Maybe that's because there's no need to, uh, pine?) No longer on the T-town meat market (as if he was evuh Grade A stuff, but whatev) was...
Albert L. Ortega/WireImage.com
Tobey Maguire, who just got hitched to his g-f and baby mama, Jennifer Meyer, 'course. The Spidey star was spotted last week headed out of the elevator of the Four Seasons in Bev Hills. Posh-witnesses report Tobey was casual in jeans, a tee and a shaved head. Wonder if the buzz job's for a part or if he went and pulled a Britney, perhaps? Guy's pretty damn weird, trust. Spotted at a less swanky locale was...
Jonah Hill, from summer's surprise hit flick Superbad, flipping through mags at Kosher News on Fairfax. Jonah was with a guy friend and had just exited Canter's Deli. The curly-haired dude was "scruffy and unshaven" in a blue tee and jeans. "His voice was unmistakable," says our ink-stained spy. "That chronic-stuffed-up-nose voice is hard to miss!" Sweet. Sniveling elsewhere was...
Faye Dunaway, lording over worker bees cutting trees at her crib on Willoughby, WeHo. The Oscar-winning diva gone wild was in blue sweats, a white baseball cap and shades, natch. Hope there were no wire hangers handy!