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Whether it's bitchy rants from you readers about everything under the inebriated sun here in T-town, or P. Hilton passing along sage advice (yes, irony is rich here at the Awful Truth), have we got some bargain-basement blabbering for you!
Paris Hilton, Adrian Grenier

Chris Weeks/WireImage.com

Paris Hilton and Adrian Greniermade quite the splashy appearance at a showcase for artist Louis Carreon's "For the Love of Honey" painting collection in Hollywood, as we mentioned yesterday. The evening's host, Kevin Connolly, was chatting with us about his recent trip to Saint-Tropez and Ibiza when all of a sudden camera crews swarmed the entrance. Ah, yes, the Paris and Adrian Show (pulling a six-week run, I’d say) had arrived together...and Adrian even brought his own camera crew.
See, Adrian confirmed to us Awful gals that he's working on some type of doc job about media, but he's pretty mum on the deets. "I'm actually not ready to talk about it," he dodged, when asked about the gory specifics (as you know blood will be let, only question being whose). "I just don't really know what to say about it, to be honest."
Well, Paris has clearly been a major part of it thus far, so we had to ask A.G. why, exactly, peeps seem so fascinated with the monied vixen. "I don't know, what do you think?" he hedged. "She has a light...that everyone focuses on," he finally (weakly) offered. Paris herself also had little insight to offer on why the paps can't get enough of her. "I have no idea," she said. "I'm just a normal girl, living my life." And we’re all virgins here at A.T.-ville.
Paris Hilton

Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

We also asked Paris about her new image and good-girl public persona. "I think everybody in life grows up and matures, and I just want to use this media attention to focus on things that really matter in the world," Miz H. offered, before going back to chasing tequila shots with soda.
So, what we really wanna know is if P 'n' A are strictly biz partners, or if they're gettin' down to biznass.
Kevin Connelly

Shawn Ehlers/WireImage.com

"I would imagine it's just business," said Kevin Connolly, who's buds with both skinny babes. "I know they're friends. I swear to God on my mother, I don't know if there's anything more to it. I've been out of town!" (Must note that I noticed Paris turning a shade of envious green when Adrian gabbed with other girls, by the by. And speaking of  going chartreuse, my pals over at The Hum have an item about Adrian helping Paris hunt for a new house that's suitably enviro-friendly, ain't that sweet? But I digress ...)

So, would Kev approve of an Adrian 'n' Paris pairing? "Yeah, why not? Sure. I wouldn't disappove," he added. "I mind my own business." Kev also dished he doesn't have much of a dating life these days, but don't feel bad for the boy. "I'm not sad about it," he quickly added.

Single and looking, perhaps? "Or not looking...or maybe looking," he backpedaled. "I like being single."

Haylie Duff

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

I swear, it’s easier figuring out whether or not P & A are sucking succulent issues together (like, totally, babe-cakes). Oh, also, speaking of potential dripping-saliva sitches, K.C. 'splains nothing happened between him and Haylie Duff, and that she's one of his "best friends."

Now that that’s settled (I know you’re all relieved), let’s get to certain honeys who are always reliably ready to take it off, ‘tude-wise, at least.

Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony

Jemal Countess/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Did you see El Cantante? It's a good film! Even some critics liked it, if that kind of stuff matters to you.
  Madelina
  Hamilton Township, Pennsylvania
Dear Spiced Up:
Didn't say I hated it, but the box office sorta did. Also, there were many in the Puerto Rican community who were peeved that J.Lo and Marc Anthony focused on Héctor Lavoe’s drug use instead of how the non-Latino music establishment chewed him up and spit him right back out, or didn’t you know about that nasty sitch?
Dear Ted: 
Don't be embittered by J.Lo's success. But she will definitely thank you for making her see the light about her talent. 
  H.T.
Dear Jenny on the Rocks:
Never said the glowin' gal didn't have chops. She just needs to refocus 'n' stop filmin' flops.
Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise

1768/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
Idiot. Tom Cruise's haircut is for the German movie he is shooting, and Katie had the 'do long before!
  N.R.
  Las Vegas
Dear TomKat:
Yeah, whatev. If matchin' mops isn't mucho creepy, I don't know what is.
George Bush, Laura Bush

Ricardo Maldonado/EFE/ZUMA Press.com

Dear Ted:
I'm a liberal Republican (yes, there is such a thing) and just wanted to let you know that when you dish on the Bushes, you do it with style. Kudos! Unlike TMZ, which ran a recent piece on Laura and her daughter that really was trash, your Desk DeeCee comments are funny and refreshing...I look forward to reading them.
  Geo
Dear Political Puss:
Thanks, dahlin’, not sure the White House would agree. In fact, I’m sure they wouldn’t.
Britney Spears, Lynne Spears

Robert Millards/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
You always make references to the parenting skills of Lynn Spears and Dina Lohan. I'm baffled by the comments about Lynn. I've never see anything in print about her except your references. What gives?
  Vickie
  Houston
Dear Big Mama:
Take a look at B.S., for heaven’s sake.
Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson

John Sciulli/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
What is going on between Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson? They are spotted together a lot, but he just doesn't seem that into her. Do you know the scoop? Are they dating?
  Gina
  Toronto
Dear Nooky Knocker:
They're just about as hot 'n' sweaty as Tom 'n' Katie.
Andy Dick

Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
I'm going to take a stab at this and suggest Toothy Tile is Andy Dick.
  Cactus Flower
  Los Angeles
Dear What the Dick:
Double no. I did say that our boy Toothy was somethin' of a cutie, right?
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
You are so wrong about Brad and Angelina and her eventual fleeing. I'm sorry, but these two have decided from the get-go that they're in it for the long haul. And I, for one, can't wait to see what the future complete family will look like!
  Gina
  Maspeth, New York
Dear Disproving Dame:
Obvs you missed our Sick-Sick Six reasons why the canoodlin' twosome are staying together.
Angelina Jolie, Maddox, Shiloh

WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
You wrote "Shiloh looks like the sweet spittin' image of her two sexlicious 'rents, and Maddox, Pax and Zahara are equally cherubic (not really, but I'm trying to be nice here)." That was mean. What, just because Maddox, Pax and Zahara aren't lilly white, they're not cute? I would apologize if I were you, Ted, or you have lost a faithful reader forever.
  Liz
  Chicago
Dear Social Services:
They're just as darlin' as the genetically perf Shiloh, fer sure, meant the whole lot is being conveniently utilized for photo ops. That was my point, sorry for misunderstanding, sweetie.
Dear Ted:
Hate to disagree with you, babydoll, but Valley of the Dolls was (supposedly) based on real people. Didn't Jacqueline Susann base most of her characters on "real" people?
  Cyndy
  SoCal
Dear Right On:
Look, everything in Hollywood is ultimately thinly veiled material, as, arguably, there’s no such thing as fiction. That said, anything involving Lindsay Lohan, at this pained point, is purely hard-core docudrama, no matter how the hell you dress it up. Nothing subtle, or writerly, about her.
Paris Hilton

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Is Paris ever going to do the halfway house project she said she'd start? Why make all the hoo-ha and not follow up? She has zero cred. Or am I stupid for actually thinking she might be sincere?
  Kate
  Wellington, New Zealand
Dear Unmoved:
It's called damage control, dollface.
Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag

Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
What is the real deal with Spencer Pratt? Is he as big of a douche bag in real life as he appears to be on The Hills? What does Heidi see in him? Please do tell! Congrats on your engagement.
  Sarah
  Atlanta
Dear Duh:
Honey, do you really need to ask? Gals love bad boys, it's just a fact of life. Babes always think they can be the ones to change a player's evil ways (and they're usually wrong). As for whether Heidi-hon can cure Spencer of his shady doings, guess we'll have to wait and see.
Matt LeBlanc

Vera Anderson/WireImage

Dear Ted:
Is Harkness Hose Matt LeBlanc? He always struck me as a nasty raunch-muffin.
  Judy
  Skokie, Illinois
Dear Hose Off:
Nope. Matty-cakes isn't the penile-pushin' Harkness Hose from One Tush-Tweaked Blind Vice. Think lesser known but in the same funny-like fam.
Kevin Federline
Dear Ted:
Do you think Federline has a chance to take the kids away from Brit? I never though I'd be rooting for K-Fed, but...
  Valerie
  Yuma, Arizona
Dear Baby Saver:
With all of Brit-boo's funky-behavior bustups, who wouldn't be surprised? But don’t forget, she’s still their mom. Let’s hope she snaps to.
Ricky Martin

Arnold Turner/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Why is it that Ricky Martin is playing the pronoun game with his adoption announcement? Or was he merely using the royal "we"?... Not that they're mutually exclusive, mind you.
  Christina
  Xi'An, China
Dear Foster Femme:
I choose the latter explanation until Queen Mum tells us otherwise, ‘kay?
Dear Ted:
Congrats on reupping your contract. Your NYU degree, time-in-grade cred and integrity take you places others can't go.
  Jenn
  Chicago
Dear I Will Sycophantize:
You mean like rehab with Lindsay? Never say never. And thanks!
Owen Wilson

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
I think I've got it. Harkness Hose = Owen Wilson?
  Barbara
  Nashville
Dear Dead Guesser:
No. Think way more small screen than silver.