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We reveal why Brad and Angelina are so far from over (for now, at least). Oh, and we also have catty servings on the Hills premiere party and whether Brett Ratner’s tapping Paris to be his best bunny! Shake your tails together now!
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt

Lisa O?Connor/ZUMApress.com

Sorry, got more Paris future boob-tube goss for ya, but the good news is...don't have to read it till tomorrow! Meanwhile, bigger stars go first:

‘Kay, we’ve gone long enough without adding to the most recent Brad ‘n’ Angie rumored breakup scuttlebutt. Remember, I was the first to predict Angie is gonna break Brad’s heart, but I realize that’s sort of like saying Britney Spears is going to have a Stripper Dearest book written by at least one of her children eventually.

So, in honor of what the hell is going on between B & A, we offer, for some nice Monday-morn mischief, our semiregular Sick-Sick Six list. However, this time round, we’re going to play benevolent, for an unusual change o’ pace, and list reasons Brangelina just may screw with everybody (since they’ve apparently done all they can between themselves—ever heard of pace, you two?) and decide to stay together:

6. Remember Brad ‘n’ Angie’s interrupted, on-set nookie session we told ya about? Even if the horny twosome are set ‘n’ ready to do the deed, it’s def safe to say B ‘n’ A have still got it goin’ on—at least sometimes.
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

WireImage.com

5. Shiloh looks like the sweet spittin’ image of her two sexlicious ‘rents, and Maddox, Pax and Zahara are equally cherubic (not really, but I’m trying to be nice here). Could you walk away from those adorable faces? I didn’t think so.
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Maddox, Zahara

INFGoff.com

4. Though Brangelina recruits kids to their clan faster than you can say “photo op,” B-doll, who once said he wanted “a soccer team,” will def be stickin’ around at least until Team J.-P. makes it to the World Cup.
Jeremy Piven

Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com

3. Single surnames are so last season. Dual is the way to go, duh. Besides, how effin’ annoying would it be to get it changed...again. Oh yeah, and also because Jolie-Piven or Jolie-Baldwin just doesn’t sound as good.
2. At the rate the rail-thin mama o’ four is disappearing, someone’s gotta help play with, feed ‘n’ raise the kiddies, right? Who else but Dad Brad to the rescue, ‘course!
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt

James Devaney/WireImage.com

1. Angie may seem cold, but she’s not stupid (or wholly without good wishes for Pitt). She knows Brad stands a much better chance of winning his Oscar as long as he has her Academy Award-winning fairy dust nearby. Better nail down that award-winning material before A.J. takes off, B!
Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag

Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage.com

Everyone’s favorite drama-filled MTV “reality” show, The Hills, is back, and season trois kicks off tonight, natch. Aren’t you on the edges of your snit-fight settees? I’m sure you are. But last week, the cast feted themselves with a little party at the LG House in Malibu. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were not on the list, but never ones to pass up on a little press, the tawdry twosome came out anyway.
The bleached 'n’ bronzed duo hit the carpet to talk before Heidi’s former friend Lauren Conrad & Co. showed. “You can talk to them about anything until Lauren’s people get here,” an MTV repper told journos.
Lauren Conrad

Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage.com

Camp Lauren is apparently becoming quite controlling these days, as her peeps also announced on the very day of the bash that no press whatsoevah would be allowed inside the party, as was originally planned. Who does this broad she think she is, Angelina Jolie, or somethin’? Oy.
Back to those who backstab more discreetly: Heidi and Spencer basically took the time to say they’re simply too busy with their own lives to worry about little ol' L.C. “We have our lives; she has hers,” Heidi declared. “My life is busy...I don’t have time for a feud.” Oh, please! Isn’t that what you two have been squawking about to any radio station, rag and reporter that would listen this past week? Heidi-hon and Spence didn’t even stick around for the party after doing press, instead opting to have a nice, quiet, intimate dinner at Koi with 20 or so of their favorite paparazzi in tow, yuck.
Brody Jenner

Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com

Once the carpet was cleared of her archenemies, Lauren deigned to grace the line with her presence. And we had to ask the gal if this highly publicized feline fight might have anything at all to do with garnering yet more viewers? “I would never fight with someone for ratings,” Lauren insisted.
Oh yeah, and Brody Jenner would never date someone just to get his mug on TV, right?
Brett Ratner

Glenn Weiner/ZUMAPress.com

Wanna pick Brett Ratner’s brain? Sure ya do! Our sandy source for all things South Beach, Martin Haro, got to sit down with the horn-dog director to talk politics, Paris and partying. First off, B.R.’s adamant about not casting Paris in his upcoming Playboy biopic, or any other project, for that manner. He swore up and down that he hasn’t tapped her to be the lead bushy-tailed babe in his Hugh Hefner flick. Too bad, ‘cause we think Pare-poo woulda been too perf!
Hillary Clinton

2007 Frank Micelotta/Courtesy LOGO

Secondly, Mr. R’s def doin’ it for the Dems...but he hasn’t decided which one. “My grandmother is Cuban; she’s very political and that’s kinda grown on me,” dished the hairy one to M.R. “I want a Democratic president, so I’m supporting the Democratic party.” So far, R has raised dough for Hillary Clinton and John Edwards—sorry, Obama.
Serena Williams

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

Finally, the Serena Williams ex-er weighed in on why so much of Young Hollywood has gone buck wild: “There’s no class at school that teaches you how to deal with success, that’s the problem,” he opined, as if diddling everything that’s borderline sleazy was how he made it through, but whatev. “There are so many opportunities to get messed up. I know when I made my first movie, I was in my twenties, and I was invited to every party.”
Oh, Mr. Popularity, do tell more! 

“So, it’s hard to say no,” he continued to Martin-hon, who swears to moi he was keeping a straight face through it all. “You feel like you’re missing out. I think you have to keep yourself grounded, stay close to your family.” 

Hmmm, for a guy with a reputation as such a nonfamilial lad, Brett’s actually got some semi-intelligent things to say. Like anybody’s gonna listen.