Come on, you know Paris and Nicole have been friends this whole time, and all of their "fighting" was just some ingenious publicity stunt. Never would have thought P. and N. were such a cunning pair.
Maybe they have been, maybe they haven't. But if you never thought Par-poo ‘n’ Nic were cunning and completely press savvy, then you musta been living under a rock the size of Brandon Davis' love handles.
Completely on your side. Jen and Vince were never an item. Obvious isn't even the word to describe it. So, everyone out there that is shocked, all I have to say to you is, puh-leeze. You can't believe everything you read...except when Ted says it.
Thanks, hon, but even I can get it wrong every once in a man-for-hire moon! But pretty sure I'm dead right on the whole Vaughniston front. I mean, can you really break up if you were never even together?
I object to your sentence for Shanna Moakler. I think you reminding her of her familial obligations as a reprimand for the Paris snit is completely sexist and unfair. Why should Shanna be told to head home and spend more time with the kids? I never heard such a peep out of you toward Travis. After all, this whole ridiculous situation came about because Travis was out carousing with Paris—not home with his kids! Seems to me he's the one who could use a reminder of his family obligations.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Dear Barker Backer:
I beg to differ about Trav not bein' with his fam. I seem to remember him painting a pretty ugly pic of Shanna shirking her motherly duties via his MySpace blog back when the divorce started. 'Course, there are two sides to every story, but he seems like a pretty good papa to moi.
Have you noticed that with each new picture, Jessica is beginning to morph into a Ken Paves look-alike? See the photo in your Wednesday column...the coy grin, the eyes.
Dear Double Trouble:
Well, my hairy hon, you know what they say: The extensions don't fall far from the hairdresser. Like mane man, like client!
Duh—it finally occured to me yesterday, Toothy Tile can't be anyone other than Matt Dillon. Am I right or am I right? I never see him attached to anyone, and who can forget his "falsies" in There's Something About Mary?
Dear Ice Cold:
Are you wrong or are you wrong! Girlfriend, you're so off. Think younger, slightly cuter.
So, when do the Jessica Simpson versus Farrah Fawcett comparisons start? I am surprised they haven't already! J.S. sure seems to be following in her "unfortunate" footsteps.
Dear Cold Comparer: Babe, I hope you wrote this before the news broke that F.F. has cancer. (I think I barely made that deadline myself.) Get well soon, hon! And besides, both of those bleached blondes are fabulously guilty pleasures despite their bobbles, doncha think?
You know what is "whacked"? You saying the Stepford wife Laura Bush is a Sorta Hottie. Whatcha smokin'? Sure, red is nice, but she looks vapid and remote-controlled. For the record, I couldn't care less what her political affiliation is. The look in her eyes is frighteningly empty.
Dear Do-Me Disser:
Hey, Ms. B. looks better than usual. And she's Dubya's wife, not an actress. She's not supposed to be emotive! Plus, don't you think that poker face comes in handy during Dubya's ramblings during dinner?
I'm dying to know who Morgan Mayhem is. Is it Kirsten Dunst?
Dear Curious Chica:
Hate to say it, babe, but guess again, cause it ain't K.D. Think better hair (much), bigger headlines.
Considering how much I adore you (my second favorite Highland Park, Texas, native), I have to say you missed a detail. Chris Martin wasn't the only guest onstage in London--so was the wife-unit. You rock! (Though Cristina Gibson can certainly hold her own.)
Dear Double Derriere-Kisser:
I see your points, and I smooch ya back for all of 'em.
Is Sienna Miller our lovely Morgan Mayhem? Makes sense to me.
Dear Good Guess:
With all the trouble Jude's ex has been causing in Pittsburgh lately, it's not too far-fetched (at all) that Sienna-babe could be M2, but alas, she ain't. Although I'm sure Morg would just die to go shopping in Sienna's boho-babe closet!