Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie

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Before we get to the uh, somewhat more scientific portion of today's Paris 'n' Nicole menu, let us begin with a rather (un?)appetizing first course:

Over at the too-hip Hamburger Hamlet on the Strip, P&N just stopped by for lunch yesterday, 10-10. Paris wore the cutest sundress and oversize Jackie-O jobs, while Nic-hon opted for blue Chanel bag with an adorable matching azure hat.

"Yes," the girls answered in unison to a fellow carnivorous diner who politely asked if the famous feud-femmes were indeed reuniting and planning on working directly together again, "we are."

But unfortunately, that's where things got less mannered, more fiery, at the retro burger hang, where the likes of Courtney Love and Jeremy Piven live to sizzle on the red-meat edge.

"Get out of the f--king restaurant," screamed N.R. at an intrusive guy with a camera who came over to snap a pic--paparazzi took all of about two secs to swarm the Doheny Road establishment, where they camped outside all entrances, waiting for their currency-providing chances. Back inside, Paris' reaction to the renegade photographer, I must say, was far more effective than potty-mouthed Nic's. Ms. H. simply put her head down on the table. Bad photo op fer sure! (Naughty cameraman was then quickly escorted outta the burger joint.)

Once P&N got back to renewed amiga biz, they couldn't have been chattier (over heaps o' grub, I might add), calling Paris' mom, discussing old boyfriends and how they wanted to get a cat for their new season on E!, which, 'course, is the reason some are assuming the seasoned gals decided to get back together in the first place.

Certainly will get the ratings, if that stampede outside the Hamlet is any indication.

Kathy Hilton

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Hmmm. Maybe Kathy Hilton does know what she's talking about. A few months prior, she told me privately, in her Bel-Air living room, purty brow all (well, a little) furrowed 'n' all, that "Paris and Nicole will get back together. Definitely."

Do mothers simply know best, or was Kath-hon onto something the rest of us gossipy plebians were blind to? Think on that for a sec while we sift through...

Possible reasons, other than ratings-grabbing, for N. and P. to reunite, despite Nicole repeatedly saying she'd "never make up with Paris":

  • Nicole needs some album inspiration. She has said she's releasing an album, but so far we've seen nothing. Not even a song on her freakin' MySpace page. Maybe she figures now that Paris popped one out, Ms. H. can help her do the same.
Mischa Barton

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

  • Nicole's over Mischa and needs a new sidekick. Indeed, Ms. Barton used to hang with N.R. tighter than Madonna's money-leash with Guy (trust me, it's friggin' taut). Suddenly--poof!--N. stops communicating with the O.C. chica. Whuh happened? I think it was simply a case of M.'s collarbones outshining N.'s, but that's just a hunch.
Kim Stewart

Ash Knotek/ZUMApress.com

  •  Paris never really found a replacement sidekick. Sure, she tried on Kimberly Stewart, Caroline D'Amore and Kim Kardashian for size, but those gals simply can't hold a candle to eat-paparazzi-not-much-else-for-lunch Nic.
Brandon Davis

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

  • Paris and Nicole know there's perma-press power in high-performance pairs, not these half-ass duos like Brandon Davis and whomever he greases up to next (oops! That was/is Paris' sis, Nicky, for a sec--sorry, P.!). I mean, Paris has reportedly been turned away from Bungalow 8 and Rose Bar in New Yawk, so sniffs the Post.

Would the latter evah have happened with BFF-ers P. 'n' N.?

I think you all know the answer to that one. Sorta like asking whether or not Toothy Tile will ever come out. Oh, and on that sorry-ass note, gotta tell ya the latest.

Question Mark Silouette

none

I swear, us 'mos can be worse than you hets. I base this hugely unsearched stance on the breaking news that Toothy T., quelle surprise, has re-re-reunited himself with his good-looking b-f. I suppose I should be happy, as so few gay couples make it these days, and if you think I'm going to wink to Lance Opportunist and Reichen Bigger Opportunist here, think again.

No word yet as to whether or not T2 is curbing his sexual appetite for doing it every which way publicly. I've just been told by mutual amigos that Tooth's partner--after much begging by the in-the-closet movie star--has taken his reticent love back. Again.

Good to know it's not just the gals who are fools for the guys.

Jesse Metcalfe

Ferdaus Shamim/WireImage.com

Jesse Metcalfe, exquisitely in shape (and I don't mean just his brows), havin' an über-intense convo in public. Wilshire Boulevard in Brentwood, between Q's and Papa John's, for the masticating record. J.M. had his cell on one ear, finger in the other and was desperately tryin' to ignore the girls gawking. One brave babe even had the balls to try and snap a camera-phone pic, but J.M. turned his back to her to block the shot. Bitch! Desk Showdown described the Desperate Housewives wower as a "a li'l cutie with way too manicured eyebrows," and wearing chinos, a brown tee and very white kicks. Oh, how prissy can you get? Wonder who had the purty boy's undivided attention? Also swarmed by ladies, but lovin' it, was...

Damon Wayans, buyin' bottles of liquor at Lotus in New Yawk. The cut comic was singing 'n' dancing on top of the banquette with Diddy protégé Farnsworth Bentley, as admiring (female) hons panted below. Some starstruck clubgoers even bought a bottle for Damon and sent it over. Lucky! Other performers, much more pint-sized, included...

JoJo, the little girl with the big pipes, preppin' for her TRL performance, also in the Big Apple. The fashionista-in-training picked out a pricey Lauren Moffatt zip-up jacket backstage to go with her furry boots, before takin' it away live on TV. Doin' some expensive shopping elsewhere was a perfectly bronzed...

Anna Kournikova

Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

Anna Kournikova, indulging in some spontaneous retail therapy. Lace Nail Lab in sunny South Beach. A.K. snapped up a black snakeskin leather clutch for a cool $400 that the owner had just put on display. A trip for one little bottle of polish turned into droppin' beaucoup bucks for the blond babe! Less grabby, more gabby was...

Emmanuelle Chriqui and Sarah Chalke, swappin' digits over drinks at the Design a Cure event. Private posh pad in Brentwood. Both gals posed as model-muses for designers to make limited-edition shirts for breast cancer awareness, which will retail at Fred Segal, natch. Too sweet!

Jessica Simpson, Ken Paves

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

Oh, and back over at Le Deux the other night, gotta say Jessica Simpson was the most pitiful. The gal was out with mane man Ken Paves, no surprise there. But she was also out with her friggin' mom, Tina, too, at 12 ayem on a Friday night. When you're takin' your mom clubbin', you know it's either slim pickings or you're Lindsay Lohan. Jess, don't you have any friends your own age who aren't on your payroll? Or did you fire 'em all, like ya did Cacee Cobb?

Roundin' out the tabloid trail at L.D. was Brody Jenner, who's moved from Nicole Richie, natch, to Lauren Conrad. "They were all over each other," said a saliva-witness. Wonder how B.J.'s ex Kristen Cavallari feels about B. seeing her Laguna arch-enemy? Pretty cold, if you ask moi.

Gosh, do you think Mr. J.'s sudden interest in Lauren has anything to do with the fact that she's filming the second season of The Hills right now and dating her would guarantee him some serious screen time?

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