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Paris Hilton

Jerome Ware/ZUMApress.com

Oh, what a difference a month makes!

I'm referring, of course, to that little spat between Shanna Moakler and Paris Hilton at Hyde Tuesday night. 'Cause it wasn't all that long ago that Shanna was gushing over Paris to yours truly back at P.'s album-release party.

"We love Paris' music--we love 'Stars Are Blind'!" she told me that night. I seriously doubt she still feels so fondly toward her anymore, since Paris started hangin' around Shanna's ex-hub, Travis Barker.

The dueling deets are still rolling in, but according to Paris' police report, Shanna socked her in the jaw for no reason.

Whuh?

Shanna's rep says otherwise, claiming Stavros Niarchos, Paris' ex-beau and party partner that eve, bent her wrists back, shoved her and dumped a drink on her.

Ladies, is all this nonsense really worth it over the skinny, tattooed dude? Like, George Clooney I could understand, but I think you both could do much better.

Now, all this silliness will prolly get hashed out legally, since both gals filed police reports, but in our own Awful Court, this would be our verdict:

Paris, I find you guilty of getting friendly with other gals' guys way too soon after a split. Your Halle Berry-style hand-slap sentence is a courtesy one-minute minimum from when a guy officially becomes single until you start dating him.

Shan-babe, you're guilty of going out too much. You got three kids at home, hon! Your punishment is to take a few nights off from the Hollywood scene and hang at home, not Hyde, every now and then. Maybe make some crank calls, just for the hell of it.

James Spader

Scott Weiner/ZUMApress.com

James Spader, hangin' with a gorgeous couple at La Serenata, Westside Pavilion, City of Fallen Gym Routines. "Pudgy, pudgy," said my waist witness of Mr. S.' William Shatner-esque frame. Or Renée Zellweger's cheeks on her tequila-laced wedding day, take your full-size pick. On a similar carb-filled path, going very slowly, was...

Jay Leno

Mike Guastella/WireImage.com

Jay Leno, doing his best to speed down the 405 freeway in Hell-Ay. While preening in some ridiculously flashy silver sports car (you know, the dude's answer to "you can look, but you don't touch"), J.L. was caught in traffic, either because of rush hour or because of the looky-loos who couldn't stop staring at the Tonight Show host like he was some sort of prime-time car wreck. Now, if that isn't the perf segue for...

Lindsay Lohan, I sure as hell don't know what is. Ms. L. and former flame Harry Morton were havin' either a superspeedy lunch or a poorly planned photo op. The Ivy on Robertson, natch. Even though Harry said they're "taking a break," Linds swore they're still on, and she knows the proof is in the pictures. The previous pair arrived separately: L.L. was first, wearing a grey pantsuit and big shades; Harry came a few minutes later in an old-school souped-up Mustang. Didn't stay long. "They couldn't have had time to order and eat unless they called it in ahead," snipped an Ivy-ite. Somethin' tells me the only thing they called was the photogs. Seeking less attention, fer sure, was...

Keri Russell

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

Keri Russell, hoofin' it east on 11th Street in InWhySee. Ker-doll looked like any old NYU undergrad in her workout tank and shorts. Hair back, no makeup and refreshingly real for a celebutante, don't you think? I knew I liked that gal for a reason--and not only because she had the balls to get onscreen with Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible III. Another gorgeous gal in the Big Rotten Apple happened to be...

Julianna Margulies, havin' a romantic din-din with her equally good-looking beau. The tight twosome was spotted snuggling in the cozy corner booth at Sapa, while a few tables away sat Rosie Perez and her manager talkin' biz over Cosmojitos. What festive pro-plans those are gonna be, huh? Other couples in the city with a kick were...

Kevin Bacon and wife-unit Kyra Sedgwick, studying The Science of Sleep. Saturday at the Angelika Film Center. Kev-poo was very friendly as he waited in line for the missus. According to my movie-going spy, K-squared "couldn't have been cuter together on their date night, of sorts." Wonder what the lovey-dovey duo did afterwards?